It’s News to Us!
Funny and talented Mexican-American actress Lupe Ontiveros passed away last night in Whittier, CA. Lupe was an accomplished actress and community activist and will be missed.
Born in El Paso, TX on Sept. 17, 1942, she appeared in numerous films and television shows, including Selena, Real Women Have Curves, Southland, Desperate Housewives, Rob, Family Guy and many more.
Always ready to crack an off-color joke, Lupe was genial and hilarious and also brutally honest about her time in Hollywood.
Ann is having having trouble taking dictation (her Blackberries are on the wrong side of the estreet or something) so here are my personal Pocho Ocho Top Tweets from England for ustedes:
8. Mexican Mitt Romney: DAMN THERE’S A LOT OF MUSLIMS HERE
7. Mexican Mitt Romney: WE’RE GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS IN DRESSAGE, BEECHES
6. Mexican Mitt Romney: WHERE’S THE NEAREST CHICK-A-FILA?
Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney: My Pocho Ocho top Tweets from England
I drew this cartoon to accompany an article by Gustavo Arellano, Jefe-in-Chief of OC Weekly, about recent events in Anaheim
It was the best of ñewsweeks, it was the worst of ñewsweeks. It was a week of wisdom, it was a week of foolishness.
We’ve got the uncensored Lopez/Arpaio videos, the Lalo Alcaraz ‘Dark Knight’ cartoon that went viral and Comic-Con photos you won’t see anywhere else.
But wait, there’s more!
Mas…Ñewsweek: Lopez vs Arpaio, ‘Dark Knight’ toon and Comic-Con pics
Everyone is horrified about another mass shooting, this one in a movie theater in Aurora, CO at a midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises. Gun violence in the U.S. is the highest in the world, and we need to do something about it. Our thoughts and prayers are with the families of the dozen murdered victims and the over 50 wounded. This editorial cartoon can also be seen at my syndicate website, GoComics.com/laloalcaraz
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) Mitt Romney’s list of potential vice presidential running mates is now down to three finalists, campaign insiders report:
All three offer various strengths to Romney.
Highly energetic Wei Chen is currently employed at the Foxconn plant in Chengdu, and makes iPads, although he has never seen the complete product.
“I wake up, go to work for 14 hours, then I go back home and go to bed, wake up and do it again,” says Chen, 25. “Being Mitt Romney’s running mate would be a welcome change to my schedule, and perhaps stifle my thoughts of suicide.”
Mas…Mexclusive: Romney’s VP short list is now down to three names
POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal puts on his Daily Show Senior Latino Correspondent hat and rubber gloves to spice up the Mexican presidential elections with smuggled negative political advertisements.
(PNS reporting from DITTOSTAN) Just a day after revealing that The Dark Knight Rises villain ‘Bane’ is actually Mitt Romney, Rush Limbaugh has uncovered even more insidious left-wing propaganda in the eagerly-anticipated film:
The movie, Limbaugh told his radio audience, is part of the Kenyan Socialist media conspiracy and President Obama is “The Darkie Knight.”
“Friends, I am sitting here today in the EIB studio and I have to tell you, I am really, really, realllllly high. Have you guys seen this movie, what’s it called? Yeah, The Dark Knight? Wow…just wow…folks, it’s a real liberal whammy, OK? Uncle Rushbo is giving it to you straight here – I’ve seen the darkie knight and his name is Obama. Hang on a second, folks, I have to play with myself again,” Limbaugh said during yesterday’s program.
Mas…Shocking Rush Limbaugh claim! President Obama is ‘The Darkie Knight’
The Boy Scouts of American today reaffirmed their policy denying membership to gay boys. But wait, there’s more!
Who are the Pocho Ocho OTHER forbidden scouts? You can’t be a Boy Scout if you’re
8. Tired
7. Poor
6. Huddled, massed and/or yearning to be free
Mas…No gays allowed and Pocho Ocho other forbidden Boy Scouts
George Lopez had some choice words for Hate State of Arizona Marciopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio in his HBO special Saturday night. Sheriff Joe has oinked his objections and wants Lopez to say it to his snout, err, face. (Bad words bleeped.)
GOP wannabe Mexican Mitt Romney tried his very best to appeal to the Colored People at their National Association’s annual convention; we’ve got the transcript.
And son Craig Romney tried his very best to appeal to Latinos in a Spanish-language ad for his dad. We translated the commercial for the Ingles-espeaking masses.
The publishing world looks to appeal to the hot and fiery soft-porn-loving Latina book-buying public with the upcoming Fifty Shades of Brown. Can Big Books, Inc. tie up the mujeres’ market?
These big POCHO stories topped the exciting reportage roster that broke the ñews this week and here are the links:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Mexican Mitt, NAACP, Craig Romney, ’50 Shades of Brown’
Craig Romney narrated a new Spanish-language advertisement for his dad, GOP nominee wannabe Mitt Romney. Here’s a version with English subtitles/captions for folks who don’t espeak Spanish.
Here’s our translation of an Spanish-language Craig Romney commercial from earlier this year:
Mas…Craig Romney’s Spanish ad for dad now with English subtitles (video)
POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz is leaving Rancho Pocho in East Los to return his Olde Home Towne of San Diego this weekend for Comic-Con 2012. This video shows and tells how he plans to roll. Lalo’s site has the deets.
Mexican Mitt Romney just spoke to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People convention in Houston, TX and we have the transcript:
—BEGIN TRANSCRIPT—
Thank you, NAACP for the invitation to espeak here, and Bishop Graves for your introduction. Thanks also to President Ben Jealous and your weird last name.
Good mornings, black humans. I am Mexican Mitt Romney. I know it is crazy to speak to you here at the NAACP, but guatever.
I will not be the Presidente for only the East Coast, or the West Coast. I do not believe in your geographic gang rivalries. I want to be the Presidente for all the people, but mainly the rich people. I know you already have Black Reagan as your Presidente, but hear me out.
Tomorrow Vice President Joe Biden will speak before you, please do not let him drink a 40-ouncer before he comes onstage, just sayin’. I won’t let any special interests like black people get in the way, whoops, that’s from my GOP nomination speech.
(PNS reporting from LOS ANGELES) Greater Los Angeles Hispanic Republicans (GLAHR) will host a fundraiser Sunday for the GOP nominee wannabe Mitt Romney — a gala named after his wife: Ann’s Quinceañera.
The campaign event, patterned on a Mexican girl’s coming of age celebration, will celebrate Ann Romney as quinceañera. Tickets are available from GLAHR for a $1,500 donation, while padrino sponsorships are available starting at $15,000.
“This is an opportunity for the Hispanic community to get to know Ann and Mitt, and for us to give Ann the quinceañera that she never had,” GLAHR president, Louis Barba — also padrino of the cake — told PNS.
Ann Romney already had her dress fitting at Memories Boutique in Santa Ana, CA. “Every girl wants to be a princess on her quince, and Ann, well, really is like an actual Mormon-American princess,” store owner Minerva Gallegos, la madrina del vestido, said in a phone interview.
Mas…Quinceañera GOP fundraiser planned for princess Ann Romney
¡La gente unida jamás será vencida! French-Chilean musician Ana Tijoux‘s new video Shock defends the rights of immigrants in Arizona.
(PNS reporting from PUERTO RICO) With construction and testing officially completed on the Large Piña Collider (LAPICO), scientists here are ready to begin their high-tech search for the elusive sub-atomic particle that powers the popular cocktail.
LAPICO is a tunnel 25km (15.5 miles) in circumference in the western half of the island, southeast of San Sebastian (satellite photo, above.) Its ring of ice-cooled vacuum pipes are capable of accelerating a stream of maraschino cherries up to 99% of the speed of light (SOL.)
Once the cherries are launched and precision measuring devices determine they are virtually SOL they are fired into a solid pineapple wedge suspended in a large tank of white rum in a state of Marreri-Cofresí equilibrium. The scattered fragments of the collision are measured by a network of repurposed breathalyzer devices and then plotted by computer.
Scientists hope that the Large Piña Collider will be able to find evidence of the elusive Jugos Boson, the so-called Cream Particle which gives all coconut products their silky mouth-feel.
Mas…Puerto Rican scientists ready to activate Large Piña Collider
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) The Mexican-American Chamber of Commerce and the U.S. Labor Department are launching a campaign to promote Hispanic workers.
The Mexicans Work Better campaign encourages American business owners to hire Latino workers for whatever jobs are open and at whatever salary.
“Since the Spanish arrival in the Americas, Latinos have been great workers. We want to encourage U.S. business owners to continue to hire them, at whatever cost,” Chamber of Commerce Executive Director Adrian García told a Monday morning press conference in the Watergate Hotel.
“By hiring Latino workers, business owners get people with a good work ethic, and Latinos get the chance to buy themselves a pack of tortillas — maybe even two. It’s a fair trade.”
Mas…Mexican-American Chamber of Commerce: ‘Mexicans work better’
When quick-thinking U.S. Border Patrol agents detected nuclear radiation coming from the car and determined the passenger was named Raul Castro — just like the brother of murderous dictator Fidel Castro from that prison island of Cuba — they only had one choice:
Detain and interrogate.
The elderly suspect was eventually “free to go” but not before the Federales made sure that radioactive pacemaker in his chest wasn’t really a roadside bomb. And America was safe for another day, free from radioactive terrorists like Raul Castro, 96, the Hate State of Arizona’s first Latino governor.
Castro’s brazen escape understandably topped POCHO’s ñewsweek, but wait, there’s more!
We also covered the birthday of eyebrow enthusiast Frida Kahlo and the suppressed history of our National Anthem, composed by star-spangled beaners.
Links? We have ’em!:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Senior radioactive terrorist, Cuatro de Julio, Frida Kahlo
(PNS reporting from SILICON VALLEY) In honor of Mexican artist Frida Kahlo’s 105th birthday Friday, Google is featuring a special Google Doodle commemorating her contributions to international art.
Born on July 6, 1907, Kahlo was a surrealist painter and smoker who is best known for her brilliant self-portraits, her tragic life and her stormy relationships with such global figures as Diego Rivera, Leon Trotsky and Josephine Baker.
Kahlo was known to be uncompromising in her art, her politics and her famous monobrow, which launched a feminist revival and Fridamania craze in the 1990s and also extended the co-ed bisexual experimentation stage from one to two semesters.
Mas…Mexclusive: ‘Google Doodle’ honors Frida Kahlo’s 105th birthday!
Quick-thinking U.S. Border Patrol agents, inspired by the skull-melting Arizona heat, have captured an elderly terrorist who was hell-bent on turning the vast wasteland known as Arizona into a vast radioactive wasteland.
Or was it the nation’s oldest living ex-governor, Raul Castro (photo,right), 96, who was detained at a border patrol checkpoint in the brutal Arizona morning heat after agents found he posed a “radiation risk” following his heart pacemaker operation?
Mas…Anti-terror WIN! Wrinkled AZ governor detained by U.S. Border Patrol
Beloved acting legend Andy Griffith, known for his starring role as the sheriff on The Andy Griffith Show and later on the long-running series Matlock, died Tuesday and was buried yesterday in North Carolina. Tragically, Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio is still clinging to life.
Bill Douters of the Dare County, NC Coroner’s Office confirmed the 86-year-old’s death:
God has taken Andy Griffith, one of our most beloved actors, and residents, but yet He spared the brutal and racist animal Sheriff Joe Arpaio?
The Sheriff of Maricopa County, AZ, Arpaio is 80 years old, and is, sadly, in good health.
Mas…Andy Griffith, ‘America’s Sheriff’ dies, AZ Sheriff Arpaio tragically lives
I’ve been trying to make light of the Arizona “show me your papers” law in my stand-up but I don’t think people get it.
And I don’t think it’s because I’m a terrible comic (although that’s open to interpretation) but because people in general don’t really grasp what the law implies.
As a South American immigrant with a very paranoid Latina mother, I’ve lived with the fear of “show me your papers” most of my life.
Despite, being white and well assimilated (like a borg), I’ve carried my Social Security card and passport since I became a citizen.
Just last month, I was working on a film set and the consent form said, “Please provide proof of citizenship.” I panicked a little because I forgot my passport. As soon as I handed my paperwork to the agent, he looked me over and said,”Obviously, you were born in America…”
Mas…This just in: Apparently I am an ‘obvious American!’ Happy July 4!
(PNS reporting from DIXIE) The City of Morrow, GA voted yesterday to ban “illegal alien paraphernalia.”
City Ordinance 187 — the so-called Press A Tortilla Go to Jail law — is a response to the Supreme Court’s ruling that Arizona SB 1070 was mostly unconstitutional.
The small town (population 4882) banned the sale and use within the city limits of:
“Illegal alien paraphernalia including, but not limited to
The news wasn’t well received among Morrow’s small Hispanic community.
Five-year Morrow resident and Mexico native José Luis Gallegos said, “Qué se vayan a la chingada,” roughly translated as, “This is a heinous law.”
Mas…Small Georgia town bans sale, use of ‘illegal alien paraphernalia’
Listen in as half Boricuan, half Italian and all moron talk show host Jason Matterat on New York City’s WABC 770 AM interviews “Pedro the Illegal Alien.” What do you think?
Thanks to our friends at Latino Rebels for the story and the video.
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) For fashionistas, this July 4 holiday season is less about parades and barbecues and more about flashing your passport, if you have one.
The new patriotic papers fashion flair follows the Supreme Court’s recent decision to uphold the “show me your papers” provisions of SB1070.
And now everybody wants those papers.
After the SCOTUS decision, the State Department’s passport website experienced the highest volume of traffic since Sarah Palin became the Republican Party’s nominee for Vice President in 2008.
Mas…Happy July 4, fashionistas! May I see your papers, please?
(PNS reporting from BOCADECACA, AZ) Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arapio is launching his own brand of tequila, Arpaio Viejo, he told random diners at Gallego’s Mexican Cafe here yesterday.
“I demand high standards for my office and my tequila,” Arpaio told the restaurant full of retirees from states that aren’t Arizona. “I was dissatisfied with the other options on the market, and at my favorite Mexican restaurant, so I decided to create my own.”
Arpaio’s brand will offer the traditional tequila styles of añejo, plata, and reposado — but that’s not all.
“Later in the year we introduce my super-premium line, called Arpaio Viejo 1070, aged 10 years in mesquite wood barrels in the desert, and then wrapped in pink chonies for seven more years of additional tempering. You know it’s ready to drink when you pull the cork and instead of breathing, it whimpers.” Arpaio said.
GOP nominee wannabe Mexican Mitt Romney led off the chorus of this week’s reactioneers after the SCOTUS decisions on SB1070 and Obamacare. “We need to implement Labambacare for all Hispanics pronto!” he wrote in a special guest editorial.
Some Arizonans like the SB1070 decision — we have their reactions — but Chicago Congressman Luis Gutierrez ripped the decision to shreds on the floor of the House of Representatives — and we have the video.
Lots of ñews this past week on POCHO; here are our top stories:
Mas…Ñewsweek: SCOTUS, SB1070, AZ, Obamacare and Mexican Mitt
