It’s News to Us!
Rep. Luis Gutierrez, a Democratic congressman from Chicago, steps up to the lectern in the United States House of Representatives and teaches all of America how to be “telepathic” like the Arizona cops and politicians who somehow know – without racial profiling – who is undocumented and who is not.
A must-see video for Justin Bieber fans! In my opinion, the Honorable Representative can have a second career at The Daily Show.
The fearless frackers at the dead Breitbart blog (screen capture, right) are all outraged about a so-called “security action” before the President’s speech last week at the NALEO conference:
Judging from Obama’s actions at this years National Association of Latino Elected Officials (NALEO) luncheon, Obama’s newest fear is Latinos with forks. Obama had the Secret Service confiscate all the dinner forks from the participants at the June 22 event held in Orlando, Florida.
Hats off, Breitbarfers! You discovered a new conspiracy where none existed before, and you didn’t have to use deceptively-edited video to make your fake-ass point.
Mas…Brave right-wing bloggers expose Obummer’s ‘Operation Fork & Furious’
(PNS reporting from NEW NEW YORK CITY) Attention, pochas y pochos! Interstellar starship captain and Mutants’ Rights advocate Turanga Leela is warning of serious side-effects from a popularly-priced hair care product you may be using at this very moment.
Leela thinks her late mother Munda’s use of Aqua Net hairspray is the reason she’s a loveless mutant with only one eye, and says the ingredient cyclopentasiloxane is the culprit.
“I mean the name STARTS with cyclop, how did people miss that?” she asked a press conference in New New York City Sunday (photo, above.)
Aqua Net hairspray is a must-carry purse item for every well-prepared pocha, according to a recent survey, and is used as a “bug spray, deodorant and a…substitute for glue.”
Mas…Pochas y pochos, beware! Aqua Net hairspray may cause mutations
Who can kiss mas butt? President Barack Obama and Gov. Mitt Romney both spoke to the National Association of Latino Elected and Appointed Officials last week in La Florida. So who won the contest of Los Panderos? The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart reports.
Some Arizonans were elated that the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that one key part of SB1070 is constitutional at the same time three other portions were overturned in today’s 5-3 opinion.
The part ruled constitutional requires an officer to make a reasonable attempt to determine the immigration status of a person stopped, detained or arrested if there’s reasonable suspicion that person is in the country illegally. Anything from sombreros to brown skin may allow police to inquire about one’s immigration status.
Reactions from a random sampling of Arizonans were positive and optimistic.
Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer’s bony-ass mummy finger was held high in the air upon hearing of the mixed decision: “We Kept ONE! We Kept ONE!” The aged papyrus-skinned governor declared victory: “The Supremes voided much of SB1070 but let us keep my favorite part– profiling those smooth-skinned Mexicans.”
Mas…Random sampling of Arizonans elated by SCOTUS SB1070 ruling
POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz won the Los Angeles Press Club’s top award yesterday (once again) for best editorial cartoon. Lalo, who photographed himself and his award with President Bartlet, tells the story and shares the cartoon on LaloAlcaraz.com. This is his sixth award from the journalism society.
UPDATED JUNE 25: Now that the Supreme Court says it’s OK for Arizona’s cops to continue their demands for “papers,” this advice video for folks contemplating a drive through the Hate State of Arizona is even more critical. From Familia del Barrio. Watch and learn!
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(MARCH 24) The U.S. Supreme Court today hears the appeal from proponents of the racist Arizona SB1070 law, which legalized racial profiling in the Hate State. Long before this vile measure was challenged by legal experts, it was spoofed by in the Mexican cartoon series Familia del Barrio.
Their animated episode Arizona-me details how the cartoon family wanted to cope with this foul attack on immigrants. Click the [CC] button for English closed captions. (NSFW language Spanish and English.)
And look below to see how their fans coped.
Mas…Driving While Brown? Try ‘Arizona-me’ (SB1070 NSFW video) *UPDATED
Arizona’s notorious Sheriff Joe Arpaio tried to save his flailing career with an arrest of a six-year-old cartel leader, GOP nominee wannabe Mitt Romney totally tripped over his tootsies again, the Nutmeg State joined the future for lonche with the approval of Medical Menudo (MM), Adidas stepped in it big time with their slavery-themed sneakers and Facebook gave everyone a new finger.
These POCHO stories broke the news this week. We’ve got the links and more:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Joe vs girl, Mitt vs you, Adidas steps in it, CT OKs MM
In the suburbs of Houston – Harris County, TX – officials are reviewing a controversial policy that prohibits piñatas in certain county parks after Tony Diaz of Librotraficantes questioned the rule and signs that singled out piñatas:
It’s mind-boggling. Why be so culturally specific? If you want to say ‘No littering,’ then say ‘No littering.’ But this is like saying, ‘No Mexicans.’
We had to ask: What are the Pocho Ocho other things that are banned in Houston aside from piñatas?
8. Eating tacos without a fork
7. Parking cars on blocks
6. Sleeping under a cactus
Mas…Pocho Ocho other things banned in Houston beside piñatas
The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart goes to the tape to expose the shocking Obama plan to stop the deportation of innocent DREAMERs. It’s an Affront to Democracy, the Action of a Dictator and a Threat to Our American Way of Life.
Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz commented on this story for NBC Latino *UPDATED 6/22
The Mitt Romney presidential campaign, both online and offline, is the gang that can’t shoot straight.
From the Mitt Romney mobile app that spells “America” as “Amercia” to the RNC Latino outreach poll that Obama won, and the ignorant use of a stock photo of Asian kids as Latino kids, the Romney GOP Presidential campaign seems to be run by an Amish IT team.
On June 19, a tipster sent POCHO the url to www.mittromney.com/latinos, and when we typed it in, we got this simply hilarious clip art donkey 404 page. (Get it? the Democratic donkey indicates an error! Priceless.) along with the prescient message that pretty much sums up Mitt Romney’s and the Republicans predicament with Latinos, “SOMETHING SEEMS TO HAVE GONE WRONG.”
Refresh, Mitt, refresh.
……..
Sorry about the autoplay, pochos, and the pinche Flash video. That’s the way NBC rolls.
La Chilindrina has officially retired.
The lovable freckled child star and a main character of El Chavo del Ocho is saying adios to her 40-year entertainment career.
La Chilindrina gave POCHO an exclusive interview after the recent Univision television upfronts and said the main reason for ending her long run as La Chilindrina is that she “finally hit puberty:”
I think I’m ready to go out and see the world, maybe explore some of these weird feelings I’m having.
Confiding that it was getting awkward working with her male co-workers, half of whom she had a crush on — causing her to flub her lines — she confessed she can no longer fit into her costumes since she now needs a real brassiere instead of a training bra.
Mas…La Chilindrina announces her retirement — she finally ‘hit puberty’
(PNS reporting from SESAME STREET) On the same day that President Obama announced an immigration policy that will make it easier for young undocumented immigrants to remain in Los United Estates, Arizona’s numero uno douchebag, Sheriff Joe Arpaio, announced the arrest of a six-year-old girl suspected of leading the infamous Cártel de Elmo de Los Cookie Monster Ganga.
The Arizona Bugle reported that the girl was with 15 other cartel members who were traveling to the Midwest and northeast United States. Also arrested: Big Bird, Mr. Snuffleupagus, Prairie Dawn, Curly Bear, Bert, Grover and Guy Smiley. According to Chris Hegstrom, spokesman for the Sheriff’s Office, this is the “single biggest cartel bust” in Maricopa County history.
And even though the girl was old enough to get arrested, she was not old enough to have her name released, according to Hegstrom. “This is huge for us and for Joe – just huge. Arpaio is an expert when it comes to sleuthing dangerous things…like children and phony birth certificates.”
Mas…Sheriff Joe arrests six-year-old girl suspected of leading cartel
Adidas and fashion designer Jeremy Scott honored the nation’s Juneteenth holiday today by releasing the new JS Shackles sneakers, which feature orange plastic cuffs, evoking the très à la mode suffering of black slaves in 19th Century America.
Juneteenth, also known as Freedom Day or Emancipation Day, honors African-American heritage by commemorating the announcement of the abolition of slavery in Texas in 1865.
Adidas’ celebratory post on Facebook went up with the question: “Got a sneaker game so hot you lock your kicks to your ankles?” Many FB users commented that the shoes as “slave wear” and asking why anyone would want to voluntarily wear shackles.
Mas…Adidas honors Juneteenth by releasing ‘Shackle’ sneakers
They tried to discredit the calendars that clearly show the Mayan Doomsday Apocalypse is set for December. They laughed at the evidence of Ancient Astronauts who worked with indigenous people to build the pyramids of Aztlan. But now their own lasers — lasers controlled by a university named after the man who ripped Tejas away from La Raza — now their lasers have found Ciudad Blanca, the legendary lost “White City” of gold in Honduras. Who is laughing now?
The University of Houston reports:
A field team from the University of Houston and the National Science Foundation (NSF) National Center for Airborne Laser Mapping (NCALM) has mapped a remote region of Honduras that may contain the legendary lost city of Ciudad Blanca.
Mas…Lasers in the Honduran jungle pinpoint lost White City of Gold
RNCLatinos.com, the Republican National Committee’s new Latino outreach website, is apparently a laboratory for developing new ways of screwing up Latino outreach.
Last week RNCLatinos hosted a Spanish-language poll asking “Has President Obama disillusioned you?” (the overwhelming response was “No”) and then they used a stock photo of Asian children at the top of their page.
The RNC blamed the error on outsourced web developers — rumored to be in either Bombay or Honduras — who misread the tags on the photo.
Outreach spokestaco Beltina Inchancla offered up this explanation:
It was an honest mistake. They thought the picture was labeled as featuring “Latino” children, but actually read, “Laotian.”
Mas…Republican ‘Latino outreach’ website confused by non-white kids
Wassup in Pochostan this week, you ask?
President Obama’s groundbreaking executive order halting the deportation of innocent kids brought cheers and hateful feedback from the right wing mediocracy, more Mexicans are bypassing the U.S. and heading to Canadia and a mathematician proved Chicanos have only one degree of separation.
The most popular POCHO stories that broke the ñews this week are right here:
Mas…Ñewsweek: POCHO vs Drudge, DREAMERS, bienvenue à Mexicanada
President Barack Obama’s announcement today that he is halting the possible deportation of up to 800,000 DREAMERs has the right wing (racist) blogosphere in fits. Example: The Drudge Report (owned by Matt Drudge, who does not love sex with men) was so freaked out, they posted this headline and image but later took it down. POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz grabbed a screenshot first, though. Mira!
The covert cash in their PayPal account they hid from the judge wasn’t the only George and Shellie Zimmerman Family Secret. POCHO espills the beans:
8. George and Shellie were married at a Ku Klux Klan Rally
7. George roomed with Mitt Romney at False Police Academy
6. The couple was once kicked out of Disneyworld for following seven hoodie-wearing dwarfs
Mas…Pocho Ocho other George and Shellie Zimmerman family secrets
POCHO primos Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz and Migrant Editor Al Madrigal chop, channel and lower the ñews:
— Produced by Jefe de Creative Marcelo Ziperovich. (NSFW language.)
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) The anti-import National Food Safety Workshop (NFSW) here claims a dangerous foreign food virus is infecting Caucasian-American digestive systems nationwide.
The comida cops say the virus is spread by manipulating the DNA of four foods native to Mexico — chiles, avocado, corn and agave.
“We’re calling it the CACA Virus,” says NFSW chief researcher Dr. Creflo Smith-Buster. “It’s something we had hoped we’d never see – a genetically-modified steaming turd of an illegal alien scientific conundrum on the pristine white floor of an American lab.”
Mas…Food safety cops spot mysterious (Mexican?) CACA ‘intruder virus’
(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) All people have six degrees of separation? Hells, nah! A new study by an area mathematician begs to differ.
“The truth is that, for Chicanos, there is only a single degree of separation,” says UCLA Ph.D. mathematics candidate Beto Pérez, of Painter Avenue in Whittier. “I’ve done a global calculation based on a plethora of factors and concluded that journalist Frigyes Karinthy’s theory of the general population does not apply to Chicanos.”
Pérez published his findings in article and photo essay titled, “Inlakesh: Chicano Identity One-On-One,” in the June issue of National Geographic.
“First of all, most Chicanos have too many primos,” he told PNS, “and therefore there are never too many people you won’t know. When you add in homies and rucas, plus tíos and tías, plus people you start calling “compadres” five minutes after you meet them, you never even get to the point where more than three degrees of separation are required,” Pérez said.
Mas…Mathematician: Chicanos have only one degree of separation
Al Madrigal, Daily Show Senior Latino Correspondent (and POCHO Migrant Editor), takes a look at the tragic unemployment rate for Latinos in the television industry.
(PNS reporting from SALT LAKE CITY) As Mitt Romney works to grow support before the GOP convention, his campaign has reached out to Spanish-speaking voters with a new ad, Deprimente (depressing). POCHO translated the commercial for voters who don’t habla Español.
The response was huge after we posted a snapshot from the notorious American Apparel California Farmer ad that has been decried and debated, and even spoofed by artist Julio Salgado.
This pic is striking, regardless of what you think of it, making it a prime candidate for CAPTION THIS POCHO PHOTO. The judges had to sort through a mound of over 60 entries, many hilarious, some painful, one an accusation of racism, but we finally picked one. It wasn’t easy, but the POCHO Caption Selection Committee selected the caption by the poster known as
Mas…Here’s the winner of our ‘caption this POCHO photo contest’
In the comments section below, caption this photo with your funniest, cleverest or stupidest possible line. Winner gets a Mexican Mitt Romney poster!
Contest ends at 6PM Pacifico time. Employees of POCHO and their families are not eligible so please stop trying to win already, Linda, we know who you are.
All entries become the property of POCHISMO, INC., a California corporation who is also a person according to the Supreme Court, and this person can get very yealous, so watchate.
Offer not valid in jurisdictions where it is not valid and and also in places where you are not valid. Arizona we’re looking at you!
UPDATE: Here’s our winner!
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Even as the U.S. Department of Justice seeks to shut down Florida’s effort to disenfranchise voters, state officials are overjoyed that their purge of voter role has finally nabbed a real fraud, even if their case is a dog.
Much to the relief of Republican witch-hunters who were under fire for challenging the eligibility to vote of war veterans, grandmothers and local heroes, a French Bulldog puppy named Mr. ChaCha was charged on Tuesday for voting fraudulently in a local Miami election last year.
The eight-month-old pup snuck into a neighborhood high school, sniffed the ballot and then pulled the lever for Hammad Jose de Marx, the Green Party candidate for Dade County Residential Service Officer, according to poll watchers. “Though Mr. ChaCha’s motives are unclear, one fact is clear: Voter fraud is real,” an election board spokesman said.
I am compelled to award the first George Zimmerman Prize for Ignorant Racism to Joaquin Amador Serrapio, the Miami college student who threatened on Facebook to assassinate Pres. Barack Obama.
Serrapio recently pleaded guilty to threatening the president’s life but claimed that he simply aimed to rile up Obama supporters on the Internets. In other words, he’s a troll.
It’s not the first time Serrapio has acted trollishly.
His now-private Twitter feed included gems such as “Why can’t all girls be white? :(” and “Martin Luther King day: the day where black people forget it was a white man that abolished slavery,” which makes no sense since the people actually enslaving African-Americans where white.
Seriously, if slaves could have ended slavery it would have created a rip in the space-time continuum or something. And besides, what does that have to do with Martin Luther King?
Mas…First George Zimmerman Prize goes to fellow Florida racist
Abuela knows best, amirite?
She recommends these old-fashioned remedios for whatever ails you:
8. Chile
Does it matter that you don’t eat chile? Or that this special hot sauce will burn a hole in your ulcer? No, eat it, you’ll see how much better you feel.
7. Nopal or linaza (cactus or flax seed)
If there’s something wrong with you, let’s flush it out. Sure, you will be spending the next week in the bathroom, but by the time you come out, whatever was ailing you will be long gone.
6. Rubbing an egg all over you while saying a prayer. (Una limpia con huevo)
Did your abuelita learn this ritual in church? Hell no, but for whatever reason, when she’s rubbing a cold egg all over you saying a Catholic prayer, it somehow makes you feel better. By the time that egg sucks up whatever evil eye someone gave you, the idea that this ritual is strange and old world will have slipped your mind.
Mas…Pocho Ocho Top Old-School Abuelita-Style Remedios (cures)
