It’s News to Us!
GOP presidential wannabee Mitt Romney knows he needs help with the “Hispanic vote” so he hired a Spanish-speaking, taco-loving parrot named Paco to help him out on the campaign trail. This is their first joint video.
Contrast and compare with Romney’s earlier Nosotros ad, presented here with English subtitles.
Mas…Romney courts ‘Hispanic vote’ with cartoon parrot sidekick (video)
This Saturday, after driving and blasting some Public Enemy and NWA in my decidedly non-gangster hoopty (a new, very gas-friendly tiny vehicle) I went home feeling amped up about the commemoration of the twentieth anniversary of the L.A. Riots.
I checked the newspapers, then went online and was reading an excellent piece by Pocho homie, DJ and writer Davey D, about the massive civil unrest sparked by the trial of the L.A.P.D. cops who beat unarmed Rodney King.
On Apr. 29, 1992, my girlfriend and I were in shock, like much of L.A., that the cops were acquitted of beating Rodney King. Though we were accustomed to seeing the constant police brutality used against minorities by outfits like the L.A.P.D., everyone felt that there was no way they were going to get away this time. It was on.
Mas…I was an eyewitness/participant at the L.A. riots/uprising/desmadre
CBS News writes:
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| Are these people your “Hispanic leaders” as CBS calls them? Aside from the Latino/Hispanic what’s in a name issue, do these people represent you? Do you even know who they are? Do you agree with what they say? Let’s name names: | |
Mas…Are these Sunday news show talking heads your ‘Hispanic leaders’?
She needed help — a woman approaching 40 who wanted kids but had no realistic baby daddy in sight. Thankfully, she decided to write Dear Abuelita for advice, who gave her way more guidance than she was expecting.
And in a very special video about Cholo Rescue Services, the gentle strength of The Cholo Whisperer turns a misbehaving cholo loco into a warm companion everyone loves.
These were the stories breaking the ñews on POCHO this week:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Abuelita and the ticking baby clock, no cholo too loco
The diameter of the circle cut into the Tossi family’s sorghum field Wednesday night or Thursday morning is 25 meters — 82 feet across. The transformation of the consenusal reality of the small town of Las Perdices in Argentina’s Tercero Arriba district is yet to measured.
Who — or what — made the circle? Is it of earthly origin? Or did an OVNI leave evidence of a brief terrestrial tango? We have more of the story and an incredible video report of a cow abducted by a UFO in Argentina, below.
Mas…Argentina WTF: Crop circle? UFO landing site? Cow abduction? (video)
Liberals and conservatives agree — immigrants cause global warning and poison the political atmosphere!
(PNS reporting from BAJA NALGAS) The narcotraficante shoot-outs in this border town typically take 30 or 40 seconds. A discerning listener might notice — amid the screams, the pop-pop-pop of semiautomatic pistol fire and the distinctive rat-a-tat-tat of submachineguns — the jingle-jangle-jingle of spent brass cartridges hitting the street.
When the smoke clears, survivors, if any, are taken to the hospital and the dead are carted to the morgue. A city crew hoses off the blood and the police let traffic through.
And then the kids come — a pack of boys, tween scavengers. They methodically retrieve the brass shells left on the street and take them back to Guinchimes del Sud, a local manufacturer of wind chimes, where the spent 9mm pistol and AK-47 submachinegun ammunition “brass” is recycled into musical metal sculptures that get shipped to breeze buffs in America.
But as demand for wind chimes on the U.S. side of the Rio Culero improves, Guinchimes’ path to future success is blowing in the wind.
Mas…Drug cartel shoot-out recycling means big business for one border town
Batgirl tells Batman she wants to get paid as much as Robin for the same work. Today’s Latinas need to stand up and demand their fair share too, since the benefits of the Equal Pay Act seem to have passed them by.
In 1963, President John F. Kennedy signed the Equal Pay Act which prohibits gender discrimination in wages. At its signing women made 59 cents on average for every dollar earned by men. Although some small gains have been made, women today earn only 77 cents for every buck a guy gets. Latinas only earn 57 cents.
Enforcing existing laws is hard enough, but it CAN get worse. Across the country, Republican tools of big business are trying to undermine equal pay, all part of the GOP’s despicable War on Women. (We’ve got videos below.)
Mas…Batgirl tells Batman: Equal pay for equal work! (except Latinas?)
Karma or koincidence?
We’ve got Lalo’s Big Beverly Hills Adventure and this week’s other big stories below. POCHO.com — breaking the ñews on and off since 1997.
Mas…Ñewsweek: Karma 90210, Colombian high, Abuelita licks frog problem
The meme started on a site called MetaFilter: If you are not paying for it, you’re not the customer; you’re the product being sold.
Facebook — free to use — sells you and your friends and your information to advertisers. So does Google and so does Yahoo! When POCHO grows up, we’ll sell your “page views” too — hopefully to multitudes of high-spending advertisers who are appropriate and cool tambien.
This week the online ad world was excited about the latest estimates of the “Latino” marketplace from Nielsen.
Our No Shit Sherlock™ quick summary:
Peep the surprising stats illustrated by purty graphs from the Nielsen survey:
Mas…We’re selling young, mobile pochos! Who’s buying? For how much?
8. Gastronamía
Going after the gastronomic vote, Dems and Repubs plan to offer Latino voters free tacos and salsa at the polls (all tacos made by immigrant labor.) Mitt Romney has even changed his tune about cheesy grits, now heralding cold maduros as his favorite breakfast.
7. Stereotypical Shows
Both parties are promising to fund and sponsor television programs about Latinos including shows about sexy maids, deep-thinking gardeners and homesick homeboys. Obama made his weekly address with the addition of two scantly clad Latina hotties by his side and a little person dressed as a sunflower. Romney is more timid in matters of sexuality but did allow a three-second shot of his butt to air in one of his campaign ads (for las viejitas.)
Mas…Pocho Ocho ways the candidates are scheming to get the Latino vote
That’s why GOP political insiders are urging the superwealthy robotic candidate to pick Holographic Tupac as his vice presidential running mate.
Holographic Tupac, they note, is way more lifelike than the GOP presidential candidate, although Mitt’s musical skills are nothing to scoff at.
“Tupac could be Mitt’s Joe Biden,” said one Romney campaign insider. “He has the common touch Mitt lacks and he’s big with the bitches. We think he might be the droid we are looking for.”
Dead or not, rapper Tupac Shakur (1971-1996) killed ’em in a short set at Coachella (video below.)
Mas…Mitt Romney: Holographic Tupac is your best choice for VP!
One night in February, POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz was waiting for the valet to retrieve his car outside a Mexican restaurant in Beverly Hills when a white lady repeatedly thrust her parking valet ticket in his direction.
Lalo was at the restaurant to speak on a panel for DigitalLA Latino Content professionals on the need for Latinos to create and control their own media content and channels because mainstream media stereotypes of Latinos are, you know, stereotypes.
And now that restaurant has abruptly closed. No more gigantic fresh three-way chips of blue corn, yucca and plantains with both salsa verde and salsa habanera. No more empanadas. No more $5 Happy Hour specials like ceviche shooters.
We don’t know why they closed (the website is all white.) It’s a shame — they were berry berry nice to us. In memoriam, here’s Lalo’s epic account of that evening. The headline?
Standing While Brown: A white lady tried to get me to valet her car
Mas…Beverly Hills Mexican restaurant where Lalo got profiled shuts down
(PNS reporting from CARTAGENA) Top officials of Colombia’s Ministry of Tourism are high on happiness after the weekend recall of U.S. Secret Service officers caught in a prostitution scandal.
“Hookers? We love it,” Assistant Minister Rogerio Flauta said Monday. “It shows the world we have more to offer than drugs, guns and murder. Sex is always good for business! And hookers good enough for U.S. Federales? Can you say ‘organic search results?’ I knew that you could.”
“This is all new to us, and we need help.” he told reporters. “After careful consideration, we’re reaching out to Thailand, which artfully managed its transition from the home of high-potency marijuana “Thai sticks” to the top Asian destination for underage sex tourism. We’ve got a lot to learn.”
Mas…Colombia hails Secret Service bust: We’re not just for drogas anymore!
It’s Income Tax day — do you know where your undocumented alien superhero is?
Attention pinche pendejos! Yes, you, culero! What? You don’t know what we’re talking about? Then you need to watch the one-minute video refresher course on How to curse like a Mexican, the biggest story on POCHO this week.
For the link and our other big stories, keep reading below.
Mas…Ñewsweek: Curse like a Mexican, think like a vato, build an arcade
Lady Justice wears a Hoodie for Trayvon Martin. George Zimmerman, the killer of the 17-year-old African-American teenager in Sanford, FLA, has finally been arrested and arraigned — this only after national outrage and agitation by Americans of all races. We hope that Justice is truly blind, and also that she wears a hoodie.
Experts from Argentina’s leading ufologist group Vision OVNI are investigating strange skid marks where some say an objeto volador no identificado landed in a farmer’s field in the northeastern province of Santa Fe.
Inexplicita explains the inexplicable this way:
A cornfield that appeared to display strange marks caused astonishment to many citizens of the town of Pujato… The event prompted a visit from member of Visión Ovni, the Victoria-based group devoted to the study of unidentified flying objects.
On 5 April, cornstalks standing 2 meters tall were found flattened in the same direction in the middle of a lot. The field is some 2 kilometers distant from Route 33 and the marks were found by Rubén Marelli, the owner, who presented a complaint on the following day…During a field survey, they found a trail measuring 2.10 meters wide and nearly 600 meters long, which presents side trails that open and mark a sort of figure eight, doubling back on themselves.
Scroll down for two big photos of the tracks. What do you think?
Mas…Paranormal investigators investigate Argentina cornfield OVNI tracks
Republicans in the Hate State of Arizona are not newbies when it comes to ignorance, racism and stupidity. The state’s Grand Old Party has a grand old poopy history.
Come with us now as we take a Hate State Hot Tub Time Machine Tour — in photos. A picture is worth a thousand palabras.
Mas…Photos: Great Moments in Arizona Republican Party History
(PNS reporting from CYBERESPACE) They slip across the border at night, invisible, hidden in the multitude of American web surfers, bringing with them accented characters, exclamation points turned on their heads and foreign ideas like “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Mexican and Mexican-adjacent Internet users called “netbacks” are sucking up American bandwidth and adding so-called “salsa” to American websites — and right-wing forces want them stopped.
Mas…Ex-cyber-cop: Stop border infiltration by Internet-powered ‘netbacks’
Mike Wallace, iconic hard-hitting interviewer and 60 Minutes OG, died Sunday at 93.
For one classic story, Wallace went to China to track down the manufacturer of counterfeit American toys and ended up confronting a smarmy, chain-smoking attorney, Nathan Thurm, Esq. Thurm was not pleased.
POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal (he commutes coast-to-coast so he can work nights as Senior Latino Correspondent for The Daily Show) went to Tucson AZ to find out why students there aren’t allowed to take classes in Mexican-American history.
Cameras running, Al interviewed a school board official who was apparently high on ignorance, stupidity and hate.
These are the POCHO stories that broke the ñews this week:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Tucson school board’s exercise in ignorance and hate
Citing Malcom X, MLK and Michael Jackson, rapper Coldrank‘s Black Man explores, shall we say, discrepancies in society’s treatment of blacks killing blacks, blacks killing whites and whites killing blacks. And those that don’t learn from history, he reminds us, are doomed to repeat it. Directed by Joe Mexican.
It’s no secret that Mitt “Self Deportation” Romney is not Latinos’ favorite presidential hopeful. Stephen Colbert explains the political realities and introduces a new Mitt Romney TV commercial.
POCHO has a Mexican Mitt Romney commercial too — and it’s a music video (below).
Mas…Colbert to Romney: Run this commercial to get Latino votes
“The mysterious Dudley Dorito UFO has been spotted for the fourth time in five years flying through a cloudless sky over woodland in Yorkshire,” reports Britain’s The Sun:
The object, which looks like an extra-terrestrial tortilla chip, was captured by an amateur cameraman who posted the footage on YouTube. He can be heard saying “I don’t know what that is” as the triangular aircraft glides silently across the frame above a forest in the north of England.
The UFO was dubbed the Dudley Dorito after its first sighting over the Midlands in 2007 but it is unclear whether the YouTube footage is real or a hoax.
NBCLatino asked POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz whether he’s a Chicano or Latino or Mexican or Hispanic.
Lalo was commenting on the Pew Hispanic Center survey everybody is talking about:
Nearly four decades after the United States government mandated the use of the terms “Hispanic” or “Latino” to categorize Americans who trace their roots to Spanish-speaking countries, a new nationwide survey of Hispanic adults finds that these terms still haven’t been fully embraced by Hispanics themselves. A majority (51%) say they most often identify themselves by their family’s country of origin; just 24% say they prefer a pan-ethnic label.
Mas…Chicano? Mexican? Cuban? Boricuan? Latino? Hispanic? What are you?
Tucson public school students are no longer taught Mexican-American history, and POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal (who also moonlights as Senior Latino Correspondent for The Daily Show) went to the Hate State to find out why.
Tony Diaz’s Librotraficante crew smuggled banned Mexican-American Studies books — AKA wetbooks — into Tucson. These three videos tell the story.
Diaz’s own video picks up the story below:
Mas…Videos: Librotraficante caravan smuggles banned books into Tucson
(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Republicans scared to death worried about the GOP’s ridiculously awful poor standing with Hispanic non-Mexican-American voters have launched an election-year scramble to put a better spin on their party’s immigration problem. Their solution? A TV reality show starring Hollywood flunkie and all-around jackass, Steven Seagal.
Seagal leads the list of C-level actors in You’re Busted, Beaner! a new Republican Party-backed reality series. Seagal stars as a cop who pursues “illegals” while promoting the GOP’s non-Mexican Hispanic-friendly agenda.
The show will be produced by Tinsel Town’s sole Republican, who prefers to remain anonymous.
Mas…GOP seeks Hispanic vote, taps Seagal for ‘You’re Busted, Beaner!’
These were the big stories (plus Zimmerman’s 911 call, below) this week on POCHO:
Mas…Ñewsweek: @Astro_Jose is A-OK, Zimmerman’s ‘Latinidad’ revoked
(PNS reporting from ROUTE 66) Area resident Bobby Figueroa is “so totally sick and tired” of the effects of the Second Law of Thermodynamics that he plans to fight the entropy, friends report.
People close to the situation say Figueroa began complaining about the universal tendency of elements in a closed system to flow to an increasingly disordered or entropic state last Thursday, the day he endured a flat tire, a broken tooth and repeated loss-of-signal during a hot game of “Words With Friends.”
“This shit is getting old,” Figueroa, 38, told his dinner companions at Babosa’s Route 66 Diner in Barstow after an evening of bowling in which he broke a nail and tore a shoelace.
Mas…Local man ‘sick and tired of sh*t breaking down and falling apart’
*(SACRAMENTO) A judge ruled Thursday afternoon that Democratic candidate José Hernández can indeed call himself an “astronaut” on the official ballots for U.S. Congress, according to a late report from the California state capital.
(SACRAMENTO March 26) He’s a NASA veteran who has been to the International Space Station and back and here we have a photo of him in his pinche space suit, but GOP lawyers who oppose Democrat José Hernández’s bid for seat in the U.S. Congress are demanding he stop calling himself an “astronaut.”
Unless Californian Hernandez can prove he is still an astronaut, the lawyers say, he has to stop referring to himself using that title.
“Astronaut is not a title one carries for life,” Republican operatives asserted in a lawsuit filed in Sacramento County last week.
The suit notes that Hernandez did not make any money from NASA last year. From the Fresno Bee:
Mas…GOP to José Hernández: Where’s your space certificate? *Updated