El Now
It’s News to Us!
Flying chupacabra kills 35 sheep in Michoacan (three videos)
Almost three dozen sheep lie dead in a corral in Michoacan and one witness blames a creature with fangs and wings. From Britain’s Daily Mail:
When farmers in Mexico found 35 of their sheep slaughtered with significant claw and tooth marks around their necks, they had one creature to blame – the legendary chupacabra. One man tending to the sheep overnight in the small Mexican town of Paracuaro said he saw animals with sharp fangs and wings kill the livestock. Dubbed the ‘Bigfoot of Latin culture,’ the chupacabra is a legendary four-legged creature that many think is responsible for attacking and killing livestock.
But how does a flying chupacabra compare with a flying purple people eater? And who wants to actually SEE a flying saucer? Two music videos below provide the answers
Mas…Flying chupacabra kills 35 sheep in Michoacan (three videos)
Ñewsweek: New Mexico wants tourists — light-skinned tourists
This POCHO ñewsweek is brought to you in living — and dying — color.
In the Southwest, New Mexico’s tourist board is casting a commercial to promote visits to the state. Who do they want to play the tourists in their commercial? “Caucasians and light-skinned Hispanics.”
And in the Southeast, Florida cowers in the Spotlight o’ Shame as the country asks why an unarmed teenager was killed by a self-styled neighborhood watch vigilante.
These are the stories that made the ñews this week:
Mas…Ñewsweek: New Mexico wants tourists — light-skinned tourists
New Mexico Tourism Board’s racist want ad: ‘Morenos need not apply’
When your casting call includes skin color, people are going to think one of two things: Either you’re filming a sunblock ad or you’re a stone racist.
The New Mexico Tourism Board’s little gaffe (nicely summed up here from local news clips by the sharp folks at Cuentame) pretty much says it: Arizona Cerebral Fever – which renders bureaucrats completely tone-deaf to their own cluelessness about race – is contagious. You catch it from the pendejos next door in the Hate State of Arizona.
What’s priceless is the third-class backpedaling the spokeswoman offers – about how they’re looking for “a wide range of people” and this spot is “the first of many.”
Mas…New Mexico Tourism Board’s racist want ad: ‘Morenos need not apply’
Romney campaign tries to shake off Etch A Sketch remark
The Romney campaign is one built on strong policy principles, unless, of course, they need to change them to pander to primary voters.
“Well, I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign. Everything changes,” Romney campaign advisor Eric Fehrnstrom said Wednesday on CNN. “It’s almost like an Etch A Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all over again.”
Mississippi bill would require ‘green cards’ from Pocho Ricans
(PNS reporting from OLE MISS) Inspired by the members of the University of Southern Mississippi marching band, state legislators passed a harsh new anti-immigration measure Wednesday and expect the bill to pass the Senate and be signed into law soon by Gov. Phil Bryant.
HB 488 requires law enforcement to investigate the immigration status of any person in custody thought to be in the country illegally and specifically targets American citizens from Puerto Rico. They are obligated to present a green card as well as prove proficiency in English.
The bill originally included provisions that would have required public schools to check the immigration status of all enrolled students and test their spelling proficiency. Those provisions were removed from the bill when it was discovered that many students could not spell Mississippi without singing it.
Mas…Mississippi bill would require ‘green cards’ from Pocho Ricans
Searching for Eldorado’s City of Gold, modern ‘goldbugs’ infest AZ
(PNS reporting from THE HATE STATE OF ARIZONA) It’s a mystery from history that’s too shiny to die:
Where exactly is Eldorado, the famed City of Gold built by ancient Aztlanians and hidden from the brutal “conquistadors?”
A swarm of recession-smacked out-of-towners asked the question again last week in Yuma County, AZ. The answer included injuries, Hollywood and politics as usual.
Mas…Searching for Eldorado’s City of Gold, modern ‘goldbugs’ infest AZ
Florida Burning: Will Trayvon’s ‘killer’ go to jail or get cop job?
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Local police have reluctantly transferred the investigation of the fatal shooting of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin at the White Knights gated community to the State Attorney’s Office.
The state will now determine if George Zimmerman, the Sanford-area neighborhood watch captain accused of killing Martin, will be charged with a crime or simply hired by the Sanford Police Department he wanted so much to join.
According to Sanford police, Zimmerman, a white male and captain of the W.K.N.W., (White Knights Neighborhood Watch,) admitted that he shot and killed Martin because “he looked black.” Due to local racist tradition, police say that’s usually a justifiable homicide in Florida “especially in white gated communities.”
Mas…Florida Burning: Will Trayvon’s ‘killer’ go to jail or get cop job?
Ñewsweek: Gasbacks swarm MX, corporate cartoon capers caca
Gas is hella cheap in Mexico and gabachos with gas-guzzlers are going gaga South of the Border filling their gaping petrol holes. Here in Los United Estates, politically-aware cartoons (like Doonesbury) are getting censored.
This cartoon caca is old news to us: Last year, a cartoon by POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz was deemed racist by Huffington Post corporate bigwigs and got the editor of Brentwood.Patch.com fired. Turns out the editor is someone we know and love…
Based on actual stats, here are the Top Ten most popular stories this ñewsweek on Pocho.com:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Gasbacks swarm MX, corporate cartoon capers caca
PochoCast #2: Human WiFi hotspots, asteroids, satire and SXSW
 |
 |
 |
Saturday Night Funnies! In our exciting and biting second podcast, POCHO’s Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz, Migrant Editor Al Madrigal and Subcommandanta del News Sara Inés Calderón talk about homeless human WiFi hotspots, an asteroid heading towards Earth, disaster preparedness (Al grows veggies) and the Austin GeekFiesta also known as SXSW (South By Southwest.) LOLs aplenty! (NSFW language.)
Podcast produced by Marcelo Ziperovich, Jefe de Creative, who also took these photos.
Ricky Martin Santorum wants Puerto Rico to be blahlingual
(PNS reporting from POCHO RICO) Former senator and current GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum caused a furor on this island yesterday when he said English would have to be the “main language” for the Puerto Rican Commonwealth to ever become a state.
To be fair, when Santorum told a campaign rally crowd here in San Juan that Puerto Ricans should make English the official language, he didn’t think they could understand English at all.
Mas…Ricky Martin Santorum wants Puerto Rico to be blahlingual
ICE unveils first-ever resort-style hotel for immigrant detainees
(PNS reporting from DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEJAS) U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) is opening what they call the first-ever “resort-style hotel” for immigrant detainees.
Critics are calling the new Karnes County (TX) Civil Detention Center a “prison for profit” but ICE is marketing it as a migrant “destination” with “vast amenities” that will keep immigrant detainees coming back for more.
Mas…ICE unveils first-ever resort-style hotel for immigrant detainees
Rick Santorum’s Pocho Ocho political proposals
Although many are shocked by presidential pretender Rick Santorum’s proposal to consider statehood for Puerto Rico if it drops Spanish and espeaks English, it turns out this idea is only the newest of his Brainfarts Brainstorms for America.
Here are the Pocho Ocho:
8. Mexico’s Los Tigres del Norte will be offered citizenship if they lose their stripes
7. Jews get to go to Catholic Heaven if they stop being, you know, Jews
6. African-Americans get access to high-paying Wall Street jobs when they straighten out that hair thing
Mexican city bans Los Tigres for narcocorrido, actual narcos still OK
(PNS reporting from CHIHUAHUA) The New York Times reports that Mexican super group Los Tigres del Norte, dubbed the Metallica of Norteño Music, has been banned from performing in the state Chihuahua after they sang one of their popular narcocorridos at a cattle expo in Ciudad Juárez.
The band began a heavy rendition of La Reina del Sur — which details the life and exploits of drug trafficking legend Sandra Avila Beltran — but were quickly escorted offstage by portly Federales armed with stale churros.
Juarez Chief of Police Feo B. Sonso says that the city doesn’t mind actual narcos and their beheading tactics so much as it does bandas singing about them.
“Bandas? We don need no steenking bandas!” Sonso said.
Mas…Mexican city bans Los Tigres for narcocorrido, actual narcos still OK
U.S. ‘gasbacks’ sneaking into Mexico for cheap fuel
(PNS reporting from TIJUANA) Soaring prices at the pump are sending Americans to El Otro Lado for a break on pricey petrol purchases, creating a furor over a new class of immigrants called “gasbacks.”
Mexican public opinion is all over map regarding the gas-guzzling gringos, who are pumping millions of dollares into Mexico by pumping millions of gallons of gas out of it.
Pocho Ocho reasons gringos are scared to go to Mexico for gas
While some gas-hungry Americans — gasbacks — are sneaking South of the Border to take advantage of lower fuel prices, others aren’t so sure. Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons gabachos don’t wanna go there:
8. They don’t want to get tucked and rolled.
7. Last time down there, a lengua burrito licked them back.
6. Mexican gas is stronger (Insert your own joke here.)
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons gringos are scared to go to Mexico for gas
How Lalo Alcaraz got me fired from Patch.com – the true story
From December of 2010 through Spring 2011, I was the editor of Brentwood.Patch.com, the West Los Angeles outpost of AOL/Huffington Post’s “hyperlocal” news operation.
For Cinco de Mayo, I commissioned three stories: The real history of Cinco de Mayo as related by a professor at Mount St. Mary’s (Brentwood’s only college), the best places to celebrate with nachos and beer in Brentwood and a cartoon from my friend Lalo Alcaraz about how the Battle of Puebla is understood in Brentwood.
Mas…How Lalo Alcaraz got me fired from Patch.com – the true story
CHONY 2012: Mexican Mitt’s new awareness campaign
Leading GOP presidential contender Mexican Mitt Romney has started a brand new awareness campaign that is sweeping the social media world: CHONY 2012.
Mexican Mitt is trying to raise awareness about the whereabouts of his favorite pair of Magical Underpants, which he has named “Chony.”
“Please help me find my favorite CHONYs,” said the wealthy Mexi-Mormon on his popular Twitter feed last night.
Their absence from his campaign bus is causing Mexican Mitt much anguish. In various mournful Tweets, he also urged readers to contribute money to his CHONY 2012 campaign, which has since gone viral.
Ñewsweek: Super Taco Tuesday, mujeres and media mensos
POCHO’s favorite candidate, the mariachi-like Mexican Mitt Romney, scored the combo plate of election success in the Super Taco Tuesday primaries but fellow Republican Rush Limbaugh stepped in a big pile of slut when he opened his fat mouth. Dear Rush: Are you finished? Then wipe yourself!
Here are some of the stories that made our ñewsweek:
KPCC radio billboard ‘Occupied’ by KPFK radio listener
Much L.A. radio hay was made over the placing of a KPCC 89.3 FM billboard advertising its “Ideas not ideology” slogan practically on top my radio station’s studios at KPFK 90.7 FM, where I host the Pocho Hour of Power every Friday at 4 PM.
As I walked in today, I was alerted that someone had replaced the KPCC billboard with our own KPFK billboard. Didn’t know we had such a substantial advertising budget.
Nice job! (above photo by KPFK’s Ernesto Arce) Here’s the before picture:
Mexican Mitt has eye on enchilada for Super Taco Tuesday
With more than a dozen states and 437 delegates in play, Super Tuesday is the biggest contest of the GOP primaries since Newt Gingrich challenged Mexican Mitt Romney to a wife-off.
Mexican Mitt Romney vows to sweep today’s Super Taco Tuesday Republican presidential contest. “I will win not only the whole enchilada, but the additional taco, the rice and beans, plus the salad,” he told a rally. “And the corn or flour tortillas.”
“I am going to herd all the voters to vote for me like a herd of my chivos on my ranch. In other words, I will make sure you are herd. Herded. Whatevers! Ajua!”
Mas…Mexican Mitt has eye on enchilada for Super Taco Tuesday
Rush Limbaugh’s Pocho Ocho excuses for being a douchebag
Bloated talk show host and leader of the Republican party Rush Limbaugh has been abusing his broadcast microphone by viciously attacking, well, everyone, but most recently 30-year-old law student Sandra Fluke, calling her a “slut” and a “prostitute.”
He has since issued a weak apology, but his show continues to bleed sponsors and radio stations.
Here are his Pocho Ocho excuses for being a douchebag:
8. Skanks don’t get satire
7. Dennis Miller is my new staff writer
6. I jumped the whale
Mas…Rush Limbaugh’s Pocho Ocho excuses for being a douchebag
POCHO Podcast #1: Lalo Alcaraz and Al Madrigal have words for you
POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz (in Southern California) and Migrant Editor Al Madrigal (in New York) Skyped away last week for POCHO’s first coast-to-coast podcast.
Hello, Slutty, my old friend
Here we are again, back on the old women are sluts kick. Or are we just still on it? Long before Rush Limbaugh ignorantly berated Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke, the tide has been rising against woman’s liberties. Limbaugh’s comments are just a caricature of the right-wing push back. The war on Planned Parenthood, defunding educational programs for unwed mothers, vaginal probes, bans on contraception; it’s like two steps forward 99 steps back.
Ñewsweek: Hectors and actors and commentators oh my
POCHO’s ñews team started the week in glossy Hollyweird and ended up scraping the crap off their shoes near Rush Limbaugh’s headquarters in La Floridita, but the big story of the week was the release of Mexican Mitt Romney’s music video/camapaign commercial.
Will the GOP wannabe become the nation’s first Latino president? And why does his MittShake bring all the viejas to yard? You’ll have to watch and figure it out yourself!
The Academy Awards were just around the corner from installation artist Ramiro Gomez Jr. so he made sure the neighborhood got to see normally-invisible Latino elements of the star-making machinery with a poignant installation on Hollywood Boulevard.
Rush Limbaugh, million dollar whore
Bloated drug addict and political hate merchant Rush Limbaugh has been losing advertisers on his hateful radio show since he called 30-year-old Georgetown University law student Sandra Fluke a “slut” and a “prostitute.” She merited this libelous statement apparently because she would dare to stand up for women’s health concerns and also use contraceptives. Yes, birth control.
Meet the Latinos who love Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio
On Sunday, newsman Jorge Ramos confronted Sheriff Joe Arpaio on Univision’s Al Punto and told Joe he was the face of racism to U.S. Latinos.
The much-maligned Maricopa County cop wouldn’t have any of that. “How do you know they don’t like me?” he asked. “They love me!”
It’s really true, because we found a lot of Latino love for Sheriff Joe Arpaio everywhere we asked.
Mexclusive: Mexican Mitt Romney for President (music video)
[If you liked the video, you can now own the song. Get it on iTunes ahora! Mexican Mitt's "(I Wanna Be) The First Latino President" ]
After sweeping both Arizona and Michigan –– he says it’s because the gringos won’t do it -– a certain South-of-the-Border candidate is clearing his way to “paint the White House brown!” The affable and mariachi-like Mexi-Mormon is a tough campaigner, and says he is “in it to guin it.” Mexican Mitt Romney, the Most Mexican Man in the World, wants to be the first Latino President. This is his story — in song.
Mas…Mexclusive: Mexican Mitt Romney for President (music video)
Pocho Ocho reasons Daniel D. Portado isn’t ‘Dancing with the Stars’
8. He only does a Rio Grande River Dance in wing tips.
7. He is not unfamous enough yet.
6. Body image issues, anticipating the Gaykeeper Sheriff Babeu will ogle him.
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Daniel D. Portado isn’t ‘Dancing with the Stars’
Operation Wet Parachute: U.S. to drop Mexican deportees from planes
(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) In an effort to “adapt to current budget realities,” the Federales of Los United Estates will begin flying deported immigrants back to Mexico and dropping them from airplanes over their home states.
This plan, dubbed Operation Wet Parachute, is the brainchild of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano who said yesterday she got the idea while making margaritas and watching the film Point Break.
Mas…Operation Wet Parachute: U.S. to drop Mexican deportees from planes
Daniel D. Portado invites you to Hispanics for Romney AZ rally
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) GOP wannabe Mitt Romney’s Hispanic outreach coordinator Daniel D. Portado, the militant self-deportationist, wants you to stop by the big campaign rally today after you vote for Mitt. Meet your favorite Latino-loving politicians like Gov. Jan Brewer, Sheriff Joe Arpaio and Sheriff Paul Babeu.
Forget the Oscars, It’s The Hectors©! Pocho’s 1st Annual Awards
Behold, The Hectors©, Pocho’s own Oscars, bestowed for Excellence in Mockability.
The Hector© is named for my annoying cousin Hector, who is excellent at ruining family gatherings, especially when he has downed his third 12-pack. He hasn’t seen a film since Blood In, Blood Out.
And the Hector© goes to:
Best Actor in a Tragedy- goes to Newt Gingrich, for his remarkable portrayal of The One Supposedly Sane GOP Candidate
Best Special Effect- goes to Callista Gingrich’s hair.
Most Ignorant- Sen. Rick Santorum, for suggesting that anyone who wants kids to go to college is a “snob.”
Best Sound Effects Editing – Bad Lip Reading, for actually making Ron Paul make sense
Mas…Forget the Oscars, It’s The Hectors©! Pocho’s 1st Annual Awards