El Now

It’s News to Us!

Ñewsweek: AZ gay sheriff, ‘Sh¡t Latinos Don’t Say,’ Satan speaks

by
GAYDAR Border Sign

The Hate State of Arizona was the scene of three big stories this week:

GOP wannabe Mitt Rammane’s campaign pulled another boner as the campaign co-chair, immigrant-hating sheriff Paul Babeu, tried to explain his way out of allegations he threatened his Mexican immigrant boyfriend with deportation.

Babeu resigned from the campaign but not before Pocho Ñews Service scored a copy of his cancelled TV commercial endorsing Romney. Babeu’s endorsement noted Romney’s support for installing GAYDAR to protect the Arizona border from straight migrants, letting only attractive Gayliens cross over.

Babeu later announced he was ready for any probe of his actions, the deeper the better.

Mas…Ñewsweek: AZ gay sheriff, ‘Sh¡t Latinos Don’t Say,’ Satan speaks

Pocho Ocho reasons Jan Brewer declined dinner at the White House

by

We already know mummy-like AZ Gov. Jan Brewer gets absolutely unraveled whenever she’s near Pres. Barack Obama. But why exactly did she decline to attend tomorrow’s Governor’s Dinner at the White House?

Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons Brewer did not accept the President’s invitation:

8– They could not guarantee her a seat next to the open bar

7– She’s going to be busy looking for heads in the desert

6– Sunday night is when she soaks her skin in formaldehyde

Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Jan Brewer declined dinner at the White House

Factory workers strike in China as GOP and Fox demand more

by
Chinese meme manufacturers are struggling with increased demand
(PNS reporting from BEN WA, CHINA) A wildcat strike at the FoxCon plant here yesterday briefly shut down meme production as assembly-line workers protested increased workloads and a benefit cutback.

FoxCon’s Factory #42, a joint venture by Fox News and the GOP Conservative Action Committee, produces faux factoids, snotty snippets and misrepresentations of the Democrats’ policy positions for increasingly-desperate right-wing organizations.

Plant managers are apparently struggling to come up with sufficient quantities of the bullshit antagonists needed keep the Republican primary candidates from sinking into a morass of obvious lies, silly solipsisms and cesspools of hate.

Mas…Factory workers strike in China as GOP and Fox demand more

Satan speaks: Santorum, the election and Mayan Doomsday

by
Santorum? Did you ever Google his last name? I send his calls straight to voice mail.

(PNS reporting from HELL) GOP Presidential candidate Rick Santorum is making no attempt to distance himself from his inflammatory 2008 remarks accusing Satan of “attacking America” but Satan responded Wednesday,  claiming that Santorum is in for a “big surprise.”

Pocho Ñews Service sent especial correspondent S. J. Rivera  deep into Hades to interview the Prince of Darkness himself  (see: not Ozzy Osbourne.) We wanted Lucifer’s thoughts on Santorum, Sarah Palin, the 2012 election and the Mayan-scheduled end of the world.

PNS: What are your thoughts about what Rick Santorum said about you?

Satan: Look, I’m a busy guy, but did I see his comments? Yes. Frankly I’m amused that he thinks so highly of himself. Every time he calls me I send him directly to voicemail and man, can that dude cry! Have you Googled his last name? Yikes! Rick has a lot in common with that Babeu guy in Arizona and believe me when I say there’s a hot date in both of their futures.

Mas…Satan speaks: Santorum, the election and Mayan Doomsday

Daniel D. Portado: The 90s Are Back and So Am I! (video)

by


(PNS reporting from ALTA CALIFORNIA) The original militant self-deportationist Daniel D. Portado is back and proud as punch that his ex-boss Pete Wilson has endorsed GOP wannabe Mitt Rammane. Romney has already advocated self-deportation, as Portado told Rachel Maddow, and that means Romney endorses Portado! “Attention mojados,” he warns in this video. “It’s time to self-deport!”

Look y LOL: Lin-sanity caption chingazos for white athletes

by
ESPN? Oh no you you di'nt!
Chinese-American NBA rookie superstar Jeremy Lin has famously inspired some silly and fun “Lin-sane” punnery.

ESPN editor Anthony Federico penned a controversial Lin-spired headline (screencapture, right) that used the word “chink,” as in “Chink In The Armor” and got fired for writing a dopey racist headline and/or for being lazy and publishing the first crappy thing that popped into his mind.

POCHO contributor Edward Rueda has created this series of Caption Chingazos featuring an array of Caucasian athletes, with the modest proposal:

What if white athletes had to deal with Lin-sensitive media headlines?

Mas…Look y LOL: Lin-sanity caption chingazos for white athletes

Dear Gorton’s: Thanks for the apology but …

by

Dear Gorton’s Seafood and Rinck Advertising:

I am thrilled to the gills that you took the time to respond. I am a fan of your products, and hope that they reach many more households than mine.

However, your response reveals exactly why you floundered in the first place. You mention that you “used a Spanish translation service,” and that “Spanish-speaking staff members were involved throughout the project.”

You didn’t say that you translated it yourself in-house, or that Spanish-speaking and/or Latino executives (emphasis on executives) oversaw the project.

Instead, it seems like someone internally had the idea to reach out to Latina moms but fish-farmed out the work because you didn’t have the capabilities or experience to do it on your own.

Mas…Dear Gorton’s: Thanks for the apology but …

Video: The ‘Sheriff Babeu for @MexicanMitt’ TV spot

by

(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) It’s the commercial the Mexican Mitt Romney campaign didn’t want you to see — an explosive TV endorsement by anti-immigrant Sheriff Paul Babeu calling for the erection of a GAYDAR border fence.

The six-figure TV buy on local stations was cancelled over the weekend after Babeu faced hard questions about how exactly he meant to “get to the bottom” of the Mexican immigrant situation.

Mas…Video: The ‘Sheriff Babeu for @MexicanMitt’ TV spot

It’s Presidents Day: The good and the not so good (NSFW)

by


The Good:

George Washington’s birthday is a federal holiday celebrated on the third Monday of February in honor of George Washington, the first President of Los United Estates, AKA The Father of Our Country. Some people call it Presidents Day (sometimes spelled Presidents’ Day or President’s Day.)

The Not So Good:

Dave Chappelle isn’t so sure about George’s special day, right there in the middle of Black History Month (NSFW Video):

Mas…It’s Presidents Day: The good and the not so good (NSFW)

Ñewsweek: Lalo the valet, the gay GOP sheriff, fishsticks and boobs

by

There’s a fine line between truth and satire, a twisty maze of passageways, all alike. POCHO was doing that line dance all week with these stories:

Mexican Mitt Romney: ‘Sheriff Paul Babeau’s GAYDAR got to the bottom of the illegal problem’

by

Anti-Immigrant Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu has resigned as Mitt Romney’s Arizona GOP Primary Campaign Co-Chair.  Sheriff Babeu is facing explosive allegations that he tried to intimidate a former Mexican immigrant lover with deportation threats. Especial Guest Columnist Mexican Mitt Romney offers his Opinión:

Sheriff Babeu has stepped down from his volunteer position with the campaign so he can spend more time fighting with his gay mojado boyfriend.

I am so sad that Sheriff Babeu had to geu.

But he has a bigger fight on his hands than getting me elected President of the United Estates. Babeu is going to focus more on wrestling the problem of illegal immigration to the ground.

Sheriff Babeu is right when he says America’s head is buried in a pillow over immigration. Sheriff Babeu has always said he wants to get ahead of the mojados, and inside the illegals. Inside their minds! Ajua!

Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney: ‘Sheriff Paul Babeau’s GAYDAR got to the bottom of the illegal problem’

Hate immigrants? Love homemade bombs? Come to Kansas!

by
Also questioned and released: Sacco (left) and Vanzetti

(PNS reporting from TOPEKA) Are you angry? Is your ugly truck plastered with bigoted stickers? Do you have homemade explosives at home and in your vehicle? Are you a  veteran who hates immigrants and anyone who “no-speako-the-English?”

No problemo, amigo! Come to Topeka, KS where you can park your truck full of homemade explosives next to a government building and the police will look the other way!

That’s right, friend – you can build all the homemade bombs you want (now with deadly shrapnel!) pile them in your beat-up truck and bring ‘em on down to the Kansas State building for a Ka-booming good time! Yes, you can be just like Timothy McVeigh and plot endless schemes of domestic terrorism and the cops in Kansas will just shrug their shoulders say, “Whoops…”

Mas…Hate immigrants? Love homemade bombs? Come to Kansas!

Standing While Brown: A white lady tried to get me to valet her car

by
I was not dressed like this

Representing Pocho.com, I was a panelist along with a table full of young, savvy Latino digital media types as part of last night’s Digital LA Latino Content event.

Afterwards, I finished up networking and headed outside to leave. As I waited to get my car in front of the host restaurant in Beverly Hills, you’ll never guess what happened: A white lady tried to give me her car valet ticket. Twice.

You’ve heard this story a thousand times before; it’s a Latino cliché. Or is it a tradition?

Anglo person assumes brown person is a worker, there to serve them.

An old Chicano chestnut goes something like this:

I’m a Mexican-American, am married to a white woman, and I was mowing our lawn in front of our nice, big home. A white lady pulled up in a car and asked, “How much do you charge to mow a lawn?” My answer: Nothing. The lady of the house lets me sleep with her.

Mas…Standing While Brown: A white lady tried to get me to valet her car

Mexico issues travel warning for Los United Estates

by
L.A. jails Chicanos on the slightest pretext

(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) In the widest travel advisory since the Zoot Suit Riots of the 1940s, the Mexican government is recommending that Mexicans avoid travel to all or parts of the United States of America.

Mexico’s State Department has warned against any nonessential travel in all of California, Arizona, Texas and New Mexico as well as the entire South, including Florida.

The advisory issued Tuesday note that Mexican citizens have been victims of offically-sanctioned governmental racism, including scapegoating, false statistics and Jim Crow-era laws. It is the first time the Mexican government listed advisories for the entire United States.

Mas…Mexico issues travel warning for Los United Estates

Obama aide’s ‘Chimichanga’ Tweet – racist or not?

by
Giant esteak chimichanga

In what’s been termed “the tweet heard ’round the world,” Pres. Barack Obama’s campaign manager Jim Messina tweeted today that a line from a Washington Post editorial— “The chimichanga? It may be the only thing Republicans have left to offer Latinos” — was the “line of the day.”

Consequently, and in short order, Republicans began attacking Messina (not Latino) and lefties in general for being racist, insensitive, not offering Latinos much in the way of policies anyway, and much more. Repercussions of the tweet, however, reach much further than the Twitterverse.

Mas…Obama aide’s ‘Chimichanga’ Tweet – racist or not?

Uncle Sam: Be all you can be…and then get the hell out!

by

Hundreds of U.S. military veterans are facing banishment after serving their country. Many of them considered their military service a path to U.S. citizenship but Uncle Sam has said, “No way, José, but thanks for your blood sweat and tears!”

Honorably discharged vets that that came to the U.S. legally are being arrested and deported, according to recent news reports. Charged with infractions like writing bad checks and possession of marijuana they get deported faster than you can say, “Show me your papers, Sergeant!”

Mas…Uncle Sam: Be all you can be…and then get the hell out!

Ñewsweek: Chente, Los Grammys and @MexicanMitt

by
¡Guadalajara, Guadalajara!

Vicente Fernandez, Los Grammys and the continuing adventures of presidential hopeful @MexicanMitt were the big stories this week on POCHO:

Mississippi: Rename Gulf of Mexico to ‘Gulf of America’

by
Mississippi state representative Stephen Holland

A Mississippi state lawmaker introduced legislation Tuesday that would rename the Gulf of Mexico the “Gulf of America.”

According to state Rep. Stephen Holland’s bill, the name would apply only to his home state, much to the relief of embarrassed neighboring states.

Ironically, Holland chose to rename this international body of water “Gulf of America,” not understanding that “America” is the name of the whole American hemisphere, mainly because the word “hemisphere” is twice as long as most words the average Mississippian legslator understands.

Mas…Mississippi: Rename Gulf of Mexico to ‘Gulf of America’

Clean sweep: Santorum not pooped out yet

by

(PNS reporting from THE HEARTLAND) Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum swept the nominating contests in Missouri, Minnesota and Colorado Tuesday night, claiming, “My campaign is far from pooped out.”

The fiercest gay-baiting candidate in recent history, Santorum now has four victories under his belt in the GOP race, more than any other closeted candidate. “People were saying all along I had Big Mo, but they meant I was a big ‘mo.”

Mas…Clean sweep: Santorum not pooped out yet

New GOP plan: Blame Obama for ‘over-working’ America

by

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) GOP strategists — concerned the declining jobless rate hurts their chances of winning the White House  — are now attacking the Obama Administration for causing rampant over-employment.

“Obama’s policies are creating more and more jobs. Haven’t Americans suffered enough these last three years?  Jobs are the last things they want,” Republican pollster Charlie “Chuck” Charles told a morning meeting of the Contradict Reality and Progress Political Action Committee (CRaP PAC.)

Mas…New GOP plan: Blame Obama for ‘over-working’ America

Franklin says ‘swarthy’ immigrants hurt our rep on Mars

by

(PNS reporting from PHILADELPHIA) Local publisher Benjamin “Sparky” Franklin (Poor Richard’s Almanac) is shocked by all the non-English-speaking dark-skinned foreigners in the City of Brotherly Love and worries about how our planet appears to residents of Venus and Mars.

The “swarthy” German newcomers are too stupid to learn English, the Society Hill resident charged in a recent newsletter:

Mas…Franklin says ‘swarthy’ immigrants hurt our rep on Mars

Ñewsy Week: Daniel D Portado returns, AL ♥ CA y much more

by

A busy ñewsweek brought the return to glory of the original self-deportationist, Daniel D. Portado, who, it turns out, is a fictional character created by POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz; an Alabama plan to import Canadians to replace the immigrant labor that used to keep the state running; and militant MEChA murmurings about the Lack of Visible Latinos in the hit BBC/PBS series Downton Abbey.

Other top stories included First Lady Michelle Obama’s partnership with Caribbean food conglomerate Goya and the astounding “installation art” of Ramiro Gomez, Jr.  Here’s our big list:

Mas…Ñewsy Week: Daniel D Portado returns, AL ♥ CA y much more

FLOTUS on healthy food for Chicano kids: Eat like Puerto Ricans

by
First Lady at Goya photo-op (screen capture abcactionnews.com)

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Joining First Lady Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! initiative, Goya Foods, the largest Hispanic-owned U.S. food company, will help promote MiPlato, the USDA program designed to encourage children to make healthier eating choices.

“Today’s announcement is about eliminating diabetes in the Mexican-American community by helping them make better choices, and, with the help of Goya, forcing them to eat like Cubans and Puerto Ricans,” Obama said Friday.

“Everything that Goya is doing,” she said, “centers around a simple idea: this country’s Mexican children need to be told what to eat by a corporate conglomerate that mass-produces Caribbean food.”

Obama joined Goya president Bob Unanue and leading Latino organizations at a Tampa supermarket to promote healthy eating nationwide with a special focus on the incorrectly-nourished Mexican-American community.

Mas…FLOTUS on healthy food for Chicano kids: Eat like Puerto Ricans

Chevy wants you to get a Silverado for Mayan Doomsday 2012

by


You’ll be in big trouble when Mayan Apocalapyse Doomsday 2012 comes if you’re driving a crappy truck from Ford! That’s the message from Chevrolet in a commercial set to air during Sunday’s Super Bowl telecast. On the other hand, you can live long and prosper with a stylish, strong and Doomsday-defying Silverado pickup, says the ad from this Uncle Sam GM bailout success story that Mitt Romney wouldn’t have supported.

Attention Chevy: Ping us for great ground-floor advertising opportunities! The folks at RentALatino got a great deal and you can too!

And check out our handy Doomsday Countdown clock over here —————>

+ Load More Posts