El Now

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Potty protestors crazier than Michele Bachmann on bath salts (video)

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Liberal Redneck Trae Crowder is sortly over hearin’ people carry on about their personal beliefs as it relates to civil rights [NSFW language]:

Nobody’s trying to take your rights. We’re just trying to keep you from doing that to other people. I know you’re a white person in America, so I can see why you’d think this, but telling other people how to live is not a right you have.

You can catch Crowder on tour with the Well Red Comedy crew. Here’s the schedule.

Looks legit: How to make fish tacos (one-minute video)

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Summer’s coming, that means beach weather, and that means seafood, like the Baja California favorite, fish tacos. Did you know that the great majority of “native” videos on Facebook are viewed without sound? This is one of those new-fangled recipe videos you can watch without sound, although you’ll miss the perky music. The recipe is pretty good, too.

Here’s the recipe from the Web Restaurant Store (they made the video):

Mas…Looks legit: How to make fish tacos (one-minute video)

Weeping Virgin Mary statue in Fresno draws the faithful (video)

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The statue of La Virgen de Guadalupe in Maria Cardena’s living room in the central California city of Fresno appears to weeping, and she thinks it’s a miracle.

Joe Ybarra reports for KFSN:

A statue of the Virgin Mary in Fresno appears to be weeping. The family who owns the statue calls it a miracle and said it’s been happening for a while.

To the faithful, Maria Cardenas said the statue of the Virgin Mary is a blessing. Tears seem to well up in her right eye and stream down her face to her chin.

Cardenas said it’s beautiful the way she looks right now. Every tear, she said, is nothing short of a miracle. So she collects them in a glass and shares them with those who find their way to this home.

Mas…Weeping Virgin Mary statue in Fresno draws the faithful (video)

By @buttronica: I ramble and maybe I’m too dark at times, but damn!

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poniesEconomists say once a person has been unemployed for six months it is highly unlikely they will reenter the workforce.

It’s been a year since I was fired from my job and I feel like a BIG GIANT LOSER.

It wasn’t anything I did in particular. I thought for sure that one time I asked Floyd Mayweather if “he likes to take his work home with him” would do me in, alas, it was far more uneventful.

“We’ve decided not to renew your contract.”

“Um, OK.”

And it’s not like I’m totally unemployed. I regularly walk a dog named Jimmy Fallon — this causes great confusion when I nonchalantly say, “Jimmy Fallon growled at me today,” (though for the most part he is quite lovely, other than eating his own poop).

Mas…By @buttronica: I ramble and maybe I’m too dark at times, but damn!

From New Zealand: Donald Trump? Are you kidding? (video plus lyrics)

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DONALD TRUMP – MUNTED comes from NZ's Most Munted who note that “Here in New Zealand, “munted” is slang for ‘damaged or unusable’… like Earth after Donageddon.” [NSFW? Mild profanity.]

LYRICS:
What does the sheep say?

So have you heard of ‘The Don’?
He’s like a nitrogen bomb
All bluff and bullshit beware

With ‘Non-Belieber –bleached hair
This whole scenario’s wrong
His goal is ‘Boss USA’
Don’t need your votes, he can pay
Tells voters that he’s self-made

Mas…From New Zealand: Donald Trump? Are you kidding? (video plus lyrics)

Quebec kid pinpoints lost Mayan city because constellations

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CSAkidA 15-year-old from Quebec, Canada, has pinpointed the location of a lost Mayan city, and he found it by looking at the stars.

The Independent reports:

A 15-year-old boy believes he has discovered a forgotten Mayan city using satellite photos and Mayan astronomy.

Maya civilization chose the location of its towns and cities according to its star constellations.

Mas…Quebec kid pinpoints lost Mayan city because constellations

In Puebla, MX, narco cartel killers crush French gangsters

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pueblacartel640(PNS reporting from PUEBLA, MX) Federales have finished cleaning up the streets of this southeastern city after a three-day battle between area gangsters and a French gang left 83 locals and 462 gabachos dead, PNS has learned.

The  Marseilles gang (“La Eme”) — sent to collect a drug debt allegedly owed by the Puebla-based Ignacio Zaragosa clika (the “Zetas”) — was overwhelmed by the fierce Mexican gangbangers.

Faulty HUMINT (human intelligence) was also a factor.

Based on bogus tips from informants who called themselves “los mentirosos,” which La Eme interpreted as “mentors,” the frogs engaged the enemy at noon. La Eme expected the Zeta sentries to be taking siestas with their sombreros pulled so low they couldn’t see the advancing gunmen. And the close-by burros? The French plan relied on the overhwhelming odor of naturally estanky donkeys to mask the telltale scent of French breath-de-fromage.

But the Zetas were not asleep and those weren’t your mother’s burritos.

Mas…In Puebla, MX, narco cartel killers crush French gangsters

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