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Mayan weed bombs scar U.S. field, Trekkies prepare for Apocalypse

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Every day brings us closer to the End of the World as We Know It on December 21 (synchronize your chronometers with our MAYAN APOCALYPSE DOOMSDAY COUNTDOWN CLOCK in the right column.)

All over the Internets, extremely concerned Trekkies are banding together to wear “expendable red” jerseys on The Last Day, so they can “die as Mr. Gene Rodenberry intended.”

And policia stationed near San Luis, AZ found a freshly-plowed field on the American side of the Colorado River scarred by craters and dotted with payloads of Mayan Marijuana apparently shot by cannabis cannoneers using a pneumatic cannon.

Pneumatic cannon? Federales found an empty industrial-sized CO2 canister, presumably propellant, in their hood.

Mas…Mayan weed bombs scar U.S. field, Trekkies prepare for Apocalypse

Mexican food tech flies high with the ‘Burrito Bomber’ (video)

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POCHO, your web authority on taco- and burrito-loving geekological innovation, is proud to feature this video showcasing the latest advance in remote burrito delivery logistics, just in time for Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012 [SEE COUNTDOWN CLOCK IN RIGHT COLUMN.]

Real, unlike the bogus Taco Copter, outshining the burrito-making robot and the limited Siri-assisted margarita maker, the Burrito Bomber actually flies and drops tasty burritos at your location. ¡Orale!

Mas…Mexican food tech flies high with the ‘Burrito Bomber’ (video)

Tio Sam’s official gummint blog: No Mayan Apocalypse for you

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Yes, your Uncle Sam wastes your tax money on blogs while millions suffer and our country lurches toward the fiscal cliff. And Tio Sam says no Mayan Apocalypse for you, despite the obvious DOOMSDAY 2012 COUNTDOWN CLOCK in the right column of EVERY PAGE ON POCHO which says we only have two weeks left!

Ignoring hundreds of thousands of blog posts, websites, videos, prophecies and Tweets, Big Government wants to tell you what “scientists” think. These are the same “people” who think they know better than Hispanic Sen. Marco “Pollo” Rubio the age of the Earth. (It’s 6000 years, but who’s counting?)

Why are they doing this? “For the children!” )*&^%#

Here’s Monday’s official posting, from Blog.USA.gov:

Scary Rumors about the World Ending in 2012 Are Just Rumors

False rumors about the end of the world in 2012 have been commonplace on the Internet for some time. Many of these rumors involve the Mayan calendar ending in 2012 (it won’t), a comet causing catastrophic effects (definitely not), a hidden planet sneaking up and colliding with us (no and no), and many others.

Mas…Tio Sam’s official gummint blog: No Mayan Apocalypse for you

Mayan Apocalypse, solar flares (video), Chinese man builds ‘ark’

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It’s coming — the End of the World As We Know it is just three weeks away — December 21 [CHECK OUR EXCLUSIVE MAYAN APOCALYPSE DOOMSDAY 2012 COUNTDOWN TIMER IN THE RIGHT COLUMN AND SYNCHRONIZE YOUR DEVICES.]

From the video:

The sun has been totally erupting with massive solar flares, dude, because the Earth and Jupiter are no longer in alignment, causing the Sun to fall inward on itself because there is less gravity pulling the Sun out, dig? Have you formulated emergency plans? It will be interesting to see what happens in the next 24 hours!

In China, Lu Zhenghai has been reading up on the upcoming Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday and he is totally prepared with his bitchin’ new self-constructed ark.

Mas…Mayan Apocalypse, solar flares (video), Chinese man builds ‘ark’

Dia de Los Muertos Argentine mutants are people too, my friend (video)

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The band: El Mató a un Policía Motorizado. The video: Día de Los Muertos. We don’t know why, exactly, but one of the mutants from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Total Recall is involved, and he is not muerto. We advise you, therefore, that the events depicted in this video are probably not a true story but rather a sequence of images strung together to go with the music. That’s how they roll in Argentina.

Mayan Apocalyspe here? The Stones are all ‘Doom and Gloom’ (video)

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It’s a brand new Rolling Stones song and it’s about zombies! No, it isn’t about Keef, even though it’s called Doom and Gloom. It’s about fracking, senseless wars, thieving politicos, heartless asshats, etc.

Mick Jagger saves the world of course:

[I] crash landed in the Louisiana swamp, shot up a horde of zombies but I come out on top

Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012: Volcanoes and tsunamis (video)

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In an age when books have trailers, some trailers float higher in the flotsam and jetsam of mass-market, dead-tree publishing, especially when they graphically portray the destructive American volcanos and Atlantic tsunamis that will rock your world on Dec. 21. [See POCHO’s Mexclusive Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012 Countdown Clock in the right column of this page.]

Pocho Ocho must-have Mayan Apocalypse survival kit items

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With Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012 under three months away, time is running out to assemble the emergency survival supplies you’ll need in your underground shelter. [Check our countdown clock in the right column.]

Remember:

Unforeseen dangers and unknown entities will be lurking in your No-Tech Future Hell on Earth (think Mad Max meets the chupacabra), what you have with you will determine whether you live or die.

Aside from rice, beans, water, sanitary supplies and beer (which will also be the means of exchange, i.e., money), these are the pocho ocho top items you need:

-------------- ✂ CLIP & SAVE ✂ --------------

8. Aqua Net
7. VapoRub
6. Switchblade (for him)
5. Chanclas (for her)

Mas…Pocho Ocho must-have Mayan Apocalypse survival kit items

Unmasked! Vatican-Jesuit conspiracy hides truth about aliens (video)

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Whistleblower Leo Zagami‘s The Vatican’s UFO Agenda unmasks the shocking New World Order-Zionist-Nazi-Jesuit-Illuminati disinformation campaign to hide the presence of space aliens among us, a centuries-old effort designed to further their vast merchant-of-death world domination power grab.

And be careful what you tell your priest. After all, the so-called Sacrament of Confession is Job One in the Black Popes’ international intelligence-gathering apparatus.

Hold on — you mean those taco copters could be for reals?

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It started out as a very well-executed hoax.

A Silly Valley startup was marrying advanced four-rotor light helicopter technology with America’s love of Mexican food to create a breakthrough business: Smart-phone-directed delivery of tacolicious love to your location.

Blogger Dan Shapiro:

The Tacocopters are coming. Sure, the original pitch was a clever troll aimed at credulous and impatient fast-food junkies. But the numbers don’t lie – a typical taco weighs less than a pound, and aircraft that can autonomously fly a few dozen ounces of payload to your doorstep are already available for around a thousand bucks. Amazon Prime is cool, and I can’t wait for self-driving delivery cars – but there’s a reason they call a beeline a beeline. Flying autonomous deliverybots are coming. Fast.

And if these choppers could also deliver cold, refreshing cerveza? The world would beat a mousetrap to their door!

¡Mira! An inspired hardware hacker just built a proof of concept that moves the technology a step closer to reality — the beer copter:

Mas…Hold on — you mean those taco copters could be for reals?

Pat Robertson: Tropical storm is God’s warning to Godless God-mockers

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(PNS reporting from VIRGINIA) Rev. Pat Robertson told viewers of his 700 Club last night that Tropical Storm Isaac’s assault on the GOP National Convention in Florida is a warning to sinners.

“You goddam shit-for-brains idiots better pay some goddam attention or our Lord and Savior is gonna whip your sorry asses,” Robertson said. “Do you douchebags really think Our Father Who Art In Heaven will let you get away with this shit?”

“Jesus is cheesed the fuck off!” he told the estimated one million viewers of his Christian Broadcasting Network religious talk show. “Our glorious vengeful God is as angry as a hornet in a henhouse. He’s up in Heaven high, saying, ‘You little pussies, you don’t hate the homos enough! You let ’em get married ‘n’ shit? You are slacking off. I will now drown you. Enjoy the flood, mothafuckas!'”

“I’m talking to you, bitches!” he added.

Mas…Pat Robertson: Tropical storm is God’s warning to Godless God-mockers

Pocho Ocho suggested names for new Nogales MIGRA robot

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He’s artificially intelligent, muy guapo with dark hair and blue eyes, plus he speaks and understands Spanish and English. He also has a new, high-profile job with Tio Sam’s U.S. Customs and Border Protection Service interviewing people crossing into Los United Estates at Nogales, AZ (photo, above.)

What’s he missing aside from a body and an analog existence? This poor robovato needs a name; right now his bosses just refer to him as the AVATAR (Automated Virtual Agent for Truth Assessments in Real-Time.)

Here are the Pocho Ocho names we like best:

8. Mex Headroom
7. C3 Pito
6. Will Robinson

Mas…Pocho Ocho suggested names for new Nogales MIGRA robot

Man hits breakfast taco with flyswatter, finds face of Jesus Christ

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It was an ordinary day in Beeville, TX, according to Paul Gonzalez of the Beeville Bee-Picayune:

BEEVILLE— There was nothing inherently different about Ernesto Garza when he walked into the newspaper office with a piece of foil folded in half.

An older man who attends La Amistad Adult Daycare, Garza walked in, sat down and said, “I have something to show you.”

“I was sitting just like I am now,” Garza said. “I ate more than half of my taco, then a fly was flying around, so I grabbed the flyswatter, and I hit it, and when I looked down, I saw it.”

It was the face of Jesus looking up at him from his half-eaten tortilla.

Mas…Man hits breakfast taco with flyswatter, finds face of Jesus Christ

New listing: 23rd Century Aztec pychedelic pyramid hilltop estate

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Mayans and Aztecs are the new black and now it’s only $1,949,000 for the Aztec/Mayan psychedelic pyramid estate of your dreams, right here in Pocho Estates (A Gated Community.)   Here’s the listing and a mini photo gallery:

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR EXCITEMENT? Want to be transported from the Aztec Pyramids of the 16th Century, into a 23rd century architectural wonder? A monumental sculpture moves from one end of the infinity pool to the other, like Aztec steps leading to an array of futuristic marvels. As you float in this pool, youre at the top of a Mayan empire, surrounded by mountains. Its just you & nature.The first floor is 6700 square feet of openness,with a kitchen floating in the middle, awash in rich wood cabinets, and a breakfast area with four huge windows,all facing those magnificent mountains. Acid washed concrete floors link each area, interspersed with slate-wrapped pillars. Both the living area and master bedroom boast a 4-sided fireplace, wrapped in Italian tiles.

Mas…New listing: 23rd Century Aztec pychedelic pyramid hilltop estate

Scientists desecrate Mayan tomb of Chak, King of El Zotz (video)

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The desecration of Mayan heritage sites by so-called scientists continues in Guatemala, and the invaders just released a video to trumpet their “rediscovery” of the ancient Mayan Temple of the Night Sun near the town of El Zotz.

The interlopers will rediscover their fight or flight reactions on December 21 when they come face-to-face with the reincarnated spirit of Chak, who was once the King of El Zotz. The crew is currently looting Chak’s tomb.

From National Geographic:

Some 1,600 years ago, the Temple of the Night Sun was a blood-red beacon visible for miles and adorned with giant masks of the Maya sun god as a shark, blood drinker, and jaguar.

Mas…Scientists desecrate Mayan tomb of Chak, King of El Zotz (video)

Xican@ Space Odyssey: Lance Liberty reports for 101.3 Honest Radio

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It is sometime in the near future.

Laws have been set in motion to protect the American Homeland. Your freedom and sanity are at stake. Oh, and your jobs.

I forgot about your jobs. And your beautifully domesticated wives and children. You pay your taxes, yet you feel one-upped. Lied to. I know. I have a mortgage and a timeshare I haven’t paid in months. Meanwhile our lazy neighbors to the south consume our resources. But there’s no need to fear. No longer do we have to sit in Victoria’s Secret as our wives are gawked at by gang-banging border hoppers. No. Victoria is just beyond the horizon. And one man risks it all in his comfy radio studio located somewhere in the Arizona desert.

That man is Lance Liberty for 101.3 Honest Radio. Take it away, Lance…

Mas…Xican@ Space Odyssey: Lance Liberty reports for 101.3 Honest Radio

La Llorona + El Chupacabra + Pachuco Luchador = ‘El Güey’ (video)

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It’s everything you want in a movie! All your favorite characters in ONE SHORT TRAILER! The plot:

La Llorona is on trial, accused of killing her children, but she maintains they were stolen by El Chupacabra (who is also an evil narcotraficante.) Can pachuco luchador El Güey come to her rescue?

There’s a great news video about the production but we can’t embed it, so click here for a Lone Star Scene report from the Austin, TX movie set.

Puerto Rican scientists ready to activate Large Piña Collider

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(PNS reporting from PUERTO RICO) With construction and testing officially completed on the Large Piña Collider (LAPICO), scientists here are ready to begin their high-tech search for the elusive sub-atomic particle that powers the popular cocktail.

LAPICO is a tunnel 25km (15.5 miles) in circumference in the western half of the island, southeast of San Sebastian (satellite photo, above.) Its ring of ice-cooled vacuum pipes are capable of accelerating a stream of maraschino cherries up to 99% of the speed of light (SOL.)

Once the cherries are launched and precision measuring devices determine they are virtually SOL they are fired into a solid pineapple wedge suspended in a large tank of white rum in a state of Marreri-Cofresí equilibrium. The scattered fragments of the collision are measured by a network of repurposed breathalyzer devices and then plotted by computer.

Scientists hope that the Large Piña Collider will be able to find evidence of the elusive Jugos Boson, the so-called Cream Particle which gives all coconut products their silky mouth-feel.

Mas…Puerto Rican scientists ready to activate Large Piña Collider

Lasers in the Honduran jungle pinpoint lost White City of Gold

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The University of Houston and National Center for Airborne Laser Mapping team produced this 3D digital topological map which when examined shows a man-made plaza ringed in red

They tried to discredit the calendars that clearly show the Mayan Doomsday Apocalypse is set for December. They laughed at the evidence of Ancient Astronauts who worked with indigenous people to build the pyramids of Aztlan. But now their own lasers — lasers controlled by a university named after the man who ripped Tejas away from La Raza — now their lasers have found Ciudad Blanca, the legendary lost “White City” of gold in Honduras. Who is laughing now?

The University of Houston reports:

A field team from the University of Houston and the National Science Foundation (NSF) National Center for Airborne Laser Mapping (NCALM) has mapped a remote region of Honduras that may contain the legendary lost city of Ciudad Blanca.

Mas…Lasers in the Honduran jungle pinpoint lost White City of Gold

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