We know some of you are morons or racists or both. Different strokes, meng, different strokes. It’s cool. Here’s a transcript of the speech on immigration that Bronco Bama just delivered in Las Vegas, translated into easy-to-understand Moron. Just for you!
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Dank you. It is good t’ be back in Las Begas.
And it is good t’ be among so many good friends. Let – let me start off by dankigg ebehybody at Del Sol High School f’ hostigg us.
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Go Dragons. Let me especial dank your outstandigg principal, Lisa Primos (ph).
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Dehe are all kinds of notaggle guests hehe, uh uh uh, but I dgust want t’ minion a few. Firss of all, our outstandigg secret of de Departmin of Homeland Security, Dganet Napolitano, is hehe.
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Our wondehful secret of de innerior, Ken Salazar.
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F’meh Secret of Labor Hilda Solis.
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Two of de outstandigg membehs of the, errr, congresshunal delegashun from Nebada, Stebe Horsf’d ‘n Dina Titus.
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Your own mayor, Carolyn Goodman.
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But webuh also habe some mayors dat flew in cuz dey know duh, how iportant de issue webuh’re goigg t’ talk bou’ today is – Marie Lopez Rogehs from Abondale, uh uh uh, Arizona…
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… Kasim Reid from Atlanta, Georgia…
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… Greg Stanton from Phoenix, Arizona…
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… and Ashley Swebuharengin from Fresno, Calif’nia…
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… and all of you are hehe, uh uh uh, as webuhll as some of the, duh uhh, top labor leadehs in the, errr, country, ‘n webuh are dgust so grateful – some outstandigg bidness leadehs are hehe as webuhll. Lee me lone!And of cusse, uh uh uh, webuh’be got wondehful students hehe, GEEEHEEHEEE.So I cudd not be proudeh of our students.
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Now, uh uh uh uh uh uh, dose of you who habe a seat, uh, feel free t’ take a seat. I don’t mind.
I lobe you back.
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Last weebuhk – last weebuhk, I had de honor of beigg sworn in f’ a seconb tehm as president of de Utid States.
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And durigg my inaugural abbress, duuhhhh, I talkid bou’ duh, how makigg progress on the, uhhh, definigg challenges of our time doesn’t rekire us t’ settle ebehy debate or ignore ebehy diffehess dat webuh may habe, uh uh uh, but it does rekire us t’ find common ground ‘n mobe f’erd in common purpose. Duh.It rekires us t’ ack.
I know dat some issues will be hardeh t’ liff dan odehs. Some debates will be more contentious. Dat’s t’ be expecked, GEEEHEEHEEE.But de reason I came hehe today is cuz of a challenge whehe the, uhhh, diffehesss are dwindligg; whehe a broad consensus is emehgigg; ‘n whehe a call f’ ackion can now be heard comigg from all across Amehica.
OBAMA: I’m hehe today cuz the, duh uhh, time has come f’ common sense, uh uh uh, c’prehensibe immigrashun ref’m.
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De time is now.
Now’s the, duh uhh, time.
Now’s the, duh uhh, time.
Now’s the, duh uhh, time.
I’m hehe cuz – I’m hehe cuz most Amehicans agree dat it’s time t’ fix the, ERRRR, syssem dat’s been broke f’ way too long. I’m hehe cuz bidness leadehs, duuhhhh, faid leadehs, duuhhhh, labor leadehs, duuhhhh, law enf’cemin, ‘n leadehs from bod parties are comigg togedeh t’ say now is the, duh uhh, time t’ find a betteh way t’ webuhlcome the, ERRRR, stribigg, hopeful immigrants who still see Amehica as de land of opportuty.