This weekend only marks the unofficial start of Summer, but it’s reason enough for a summer-oriented TGIF Music Video, don’t you think? Billboard magazine says California Gurls by Katy Perry and Snoop Dogg is the top summer song of all time. What do you think? Is it better than the Beach Boys’ California Girls?
Mas…Katy & Snoop California Gurls vs Beach Boys California Girls (videos)
A wild fiesta behind closed refrigerator doors turns into a nightmarish slaughterhouse when a rotten avocado crashes the party and eats the guests. Vegeterrible, where the last tomato fights for survival, is from Denmark. FYI, we have another avocado video right here!
Some people can’t get through the morning with a cup of coffee, and others, apparently, can’t get through the day without delicious crunchy oozing-with-queso nachos:
We love nachos. Duh. We want to show it on our arms, legs, and face. Stains are not permanent enough, while permanent tattoos are against our religions.
So they made temporary nachos “tattoo” decals.
Would you get them? Wear them?
Thanks to BoingBoing for the link!
Facebook stock is foundering and cash-heavy investors are looking for a better place to lose their online money. That’s why MexicanMitt Romney is launching his own social media site – Feisbuk.
POCHO asked the nominee wannabe one question: What does Feisbuk have that Facebook doesn’t? Here’s his reply:
Mas…Facebook IPO #FAIL cost you money? Try MexicanMitt’s Feisbuk
Rocio Almaraz was graduating with honors and organized a flash mob to dance after the ceremonies. Her long-time boyfriend Alex Carrillo thought the flash mob was the perfect setting to surprise Almaraz with a proposal of marriage.
California State University at Fullerton tells the story:
Rocio Almaraz, who is graduating magna cum laude from Cal State Fullerton with a bachelor of science degree in human services, organized a flash mob dance as a surprise for attendees at her CSUF commencement exercise Sunday in Titan Stadium.
For those in the stands, they held up a sign, reading: “Thank you Parents and Friends.”
While dancing alongside her classmates, Almaraz got an even bigger surprise — from her boyfriend, Alex Carrillo of South Gate, who had arranged for the flash mob members to keep on dancing when the song playing over the loudspeaker switched to Bruno Mars’ “Marry Me.”
Mas…Grad flash mob perfect setting for surprise marriage proposal (video)
Are you a newly-graduated pocho preparing to take your first baby steps out into the so-called “real world?” We’ve got tips for you!
8. Unsure about your next move? Do you need a movement or idea to get behind? Start an Occupy College movement on your campus! You may have graduated, but this will ensure you never have to leave (or shower.)
7. Remember how much you drank your first week of school? Drink twice that amount! As silly as sobriety may seem at the moment, it has absolutely no purpose in the real world, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Note that outside of college this is generally referred to as “alcoholism.”
6. To save money, move in with some people who actually had a chance at the American Dream — your parents. You’ll be so busy driving your abuelita around town, you won’t notice the economy sucks.
Mas…Pocho Ocho tips for grads: How to make it in the ‘real world’
Author, editor and POCHO amigo Gustavo Arellano delivered this commencement speech yesterday to the graduates of Long Beach Community College:
Gracias for having me here, Vikings. I come from that evil land over yonder on the other side of the 405 — Orange County. Por favor don’t hold it against me, as I come to ustedes in peace and with a message about our shared background as products of California’s magnificent community college system.
I graduated in 1999 from Orange Coast College in Costa Mesa, just down the 405. My experience there was similar in many respects to yours. I had a full course load, took intersession, took as many summer school courses as possible, and did all of this while working full time, no financial aid, and helping to support my family. The classes were crowded, the parking horrific, the professors ranging from Einsteins to idiots.
Mas…Gustavo Arellano: This one goes out to all the community college grads
Smiley and Chuy scramble to protect themselves from zombies in this episode of Hey Vato! Sir Winston Churchill provides some valuable context, but can a kid’s chemistry kit keep the vatos safe? (NSFW language.)
Non-white births now make up a majority of all births in the United States and racist anti-immigrants are pooping mad. The most elder of them, Phyllis Schlafly, an ancient anti-feminist relic, has actually come out of her dusty display case and made a pronouncement through her right-wing conservative group, The Eagle Forum, decrying the surge of unpatriotic minority babies. From their website:
It is not a good thing. The immigrants do not share American values, so it is a good bet that they will not be voting Republican when they start voting in large numbers.
They go on to accuse non-white immigrants and their offspring of having:
…high rates of illiteracy, illegitimacy, and gang crime, and they will vote Democrat when the Democrats promise them more food stamps.
To find out if the threat entering this country from non-white birth canals is indeed dangerous, I interviewed a minority baby myself:
Mas…American Census Shocker Part II: Interview with a minority baby
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On the Internet, where kittehs are king, how can an activist vato get the same attention as a cute little gato? With an activist cat, of course. See the full-sized images by San Francisco artist Rio Yanez right here:
Mas…On the Internet, cats + Aztlan = Caztlan of course (illustrations)
Happy fifty-third birthday, Steven Patrick Morrissey!
You would might think he was dead, with all the tribute bands and karaoke nights and even a whole convention in his honor. The real fans, of course, will be at an actual concert, like tonight’s show in San Diego, where the venue will be filled with lonely misfits who spend a lot of time in their bedrooms. I have been a fan since 1993.
Yes, I was an odd third grader, but we can blame my older sister for that.
In 2009, while my pal uber-fan Dagenham Dave was looking for a friend in Seattle he spotted the Mozza and did what each Morrissey fan does when they meet him. He asked Morrissey to sign a part of his body so he could later get it tattooed. I haven’t gotten there yet; I’m a little rusty on my stalking tactics since gas prices went up. I should start contacting the Arab side of the family.
Mas…Happy birthday to Morrissey, the moody Brit who stole Latino hearts
Chilean actress and singer Celine Raymond goes to the dark side of the moon and returns as bhangra Latina chanteuse Kali Mutsa in this trippy category-smashing music video. We don’t know what Tunupa is exactly, but we like it. And you?
(PNS reporting from GUACHINGON) As the Mitt Romney works to grow support before the GOP convention, his campaign has reached out to Spanish-espeaking voters with a new ad, Dia Uno. POCHO translated the commercial for voters who don’t habla Español.
“We totally knew this humongous dragon was comin’ brah, so we set up a Facebook page and got everyone down here with their bongos and pots and pans. Our sonic countermeasures commenced mere seconds after the sun-gobbling began,” a pot-banger named Donald Dank told PNS.
National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) officials confirmed the monster space dragon’s departure.
Mas…Giant Sun-eating space dragon chased away by pot-banging hippies
“Reality, shmeality,” says Hollywood as it plans an epic film on Mexican-American history without any, you know, Chicanos: JLo stars as the Virgen de Guadalupe, Lou Diamond Phillips is Che Guevara and Elton John is cast as Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer.
And there’s trouble in Brand Land as Starbucks plans to test-market chile- and nopal-flavored drinks in East Los and agrichem conglomerate Monsanto‘s proposed soy chicharrones meet pushback from pro-pork protestors.
More minority babies where born in the U.S. last year than white babies and the invasion of little pishers from Vagistan has the usual suspects all riled up. Speaking of babies, columnist Maria Purisma‘s sad sex life sent her to Victoria’s Secret, and homeboy Chuy of the Hey Vato! crew wondered if new tats would make his new girlfriend more forthcoming.
The week’s big ñews links from POCHO are just a click away:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Epic movie, cafe con chile, chi-chis, tats, soy and Vagistan
Ask Me, Don’t Tell Me (1961, 22 mins.) Adult suspicion, pompadours, cigarettes, chromed cars, pool halls, the jitterbug and pinball machines conspire to turn kids into juvenile delinquents, but earnest do-gooders can save the day! Great rock ‘n’ roll soundtrack and candid footage make late 1950s early 1960s gang life look sweet — in the days before guns and drive-bys.
The camera follows the day-to-day lives of San Francisco teenage gang members (AKA “jacket clubs”) — white, Asian, Mexican, black — and the unfriendly world they inhabit. The documentary was produced by the American Friends Service Committee, which wanted to set the kids on the right path with community service projects.
Supposebly, I was supposed to sex it up for my boyfriend Manuelito. He said the romance was gone and we needed to spice it up. So I did what any girl would do — I went to Victoria’s Secret.
I spent a long time in that store, too. I looked at everything they had — from those bras with the gel to make you look like you have more cleavage to the ones that scrunch your chi-chis together to make you look muy sexy and even considered those itty bitty tangas that would inevitably get lost somewhere in your pompis.
After all that looking around, I wondered: how do these tiny women manage to be so chichonas anyway?
I finally settled on something and went home to make it a special night. I lit sexy cinnamon candles, the kind that smell like churros, put on my new brassiere and waited for Manuelito to come over. Once he got there I was so excited! But, as it turn out, we were both in for a shock.
Mas…Mujeres: Wearing Victoria’s Secret doesn’t make you a model
TGIF Music Video: You’ve got to stand up for your rights! Bob Marley and the Wailers rock Get Up, Stand Up in concert in Dortmund, Germany. These 40-year-old words still resonate today. And we’ve got lyrics!
Mas…TGIF Music Video: Bob Marley and the Wailers ‘Get Up, Stand Up’
ZOMG! Do these 5000-year-old pictographs show men chasing and spearing a sauropod dinosaur, ages after the giant reptiles’ alleged extinction? Does this mean the Biblical creation story is right and science is wrong? In this new Amazon rainforest video, Canadian “creationist” Vance Nelson is very impressed by a “secular” expert’s testimony, but he can’t get the expert to testify on camera.
Are the South American tribesmen chasing a huge alligator or is it something else? Is this “creationist” piling inference upon speculation to reach unwarranted conclusions to support his religious agenda? Our ancestors painted pictures of dragons and unicorns, too. Does that mean they existed as well?
Frankie Quinones — who was unforgettable as the star of The Cholo Whisperer — returns to the YouTube screen as Carmelita, the diva on a budget. She is So Eh-Spicy. (NSFW language.)
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Census figures indicate that minorities make up over half the births of babies in the United States for the first time since the Pilgrims reluctantly started having sex.
These new minority babies will be able to outvote white babies in local and national baby elections, and this has white baby proponents terrified.
White mothers all over the U.S. have been reporting the births of unexplainable brown babies.
“It’s like there a brown horde erupting from inside us,” reported one hysterical white mother, Mrs. while being eyed by her suspicious white husband. Their nearby sexy gardener Julio Ramirez had no comment.
Mas…American Census Shocker! Minority babies invading U.S. from Vagistan
A couple of Redondo Beach Union High School pochos punked online photo galleries across America by submitting the same prom picture over and over for inclusion in local listings. 2011 prom photos of Albert Morales and Gabriela Peraza appeared on sites in Florida, New Jersey, Atlanta, and Minnesota among others.
“We just wanted to have the prom pictures to be published and as seen by many people as possible. … Just trying to have fun by remembering good prom memories,” Morales told NJ.com, which unravelled the hoax last week.
Check out these screenshots of newspaper photo galleries displaying images of the happy couple:
Mas…Local pochos punk Internet with prom photo gallery prank
(PNS reporting from MISSOURI) Busloads of pro-pig activists from Texas converged on Monsanto’s St. Louis headquarters here today to protest the chemical/agricultural mega-corporation’s plans to produce extruded soy flaps meant to replace natural chicharrones.
Bearing signs that read “NO PORK NO PEACE,” “WE WANT LARD FOR OUR MONEY” and “SAY NO TO SOY CHICHARRONES,” the so-called Occupy Monsanto movement plans to shut down traffic around the corporate campus until they get a response from Monsanto. [UPDATE: MONSANTO STATEMENT BELOW.]
The group was confronted by counter demonstrators from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) who carried signs proclaiming “PIGS ARE PEOPLE TOO.” Some scantily-clad female PETA protestors threatened a sex strike to protest actual pig parts consumption. “WANT BOINK? NO OINK!” read one sign.
Mas…Protestors target Monsanto’s plans for soy ‘chicharrones’ (updated)
It was a silvery object 15 meters (50 feet) across, the witnesses said.
The excellent “Hispanic Ufology” blog Inexplicata reports:
[At]… 15:45 hours, residents of Paihuano, a small village in Valle de Elquí (Chile) underwent an extraordinary experience which keep its 2,500 residents on the edge of their seats. A flying object described as having a metallic color and measuring some 15 meters across remained motionless over the Las Mollacas hill, from which the entire town could be seen.Mas…Silver UFO crashes on hillside, retrieved by Chilean military (videos)
Pepito continues the blame game, but Juan doesn’t want to hear it…
Chuy wants a new tattoo for his new lady love — in a special spot right over his heart. But, he wonders, is a new tat a symbol of undying devotion or merely another way to get the chicas to give it up? When Smiley pointedly asks about Chuy’s old girlfriend, an intense discussion ensues. (NSFW language.)
Barack Hussein Obama’s biggest donors and best crony capitalist friends at JP Morgan Chase recently lost over two billion dollars in risky trades.
Instead of wailing about this so-called “Wall Street reform” nonsense, I have decided to open my own bank and mega Wall Street trading firm: JP Mormon.
At JP Mormon, we promise to keep your money away from the risky trades of Wall Street and in safe, secure island strongholds.
We will also store your hard-earned trust fund payments in secret European locations, places where Michele Bachman once held dual citizenship.
Mas…Mitt Romney: I’m proud to announce my new bank, JP Mormon
I knew that I was in a heap of trouble when the mechanics showed up in a big old beat-up four-wheel-drive mud-covered truck with a hand-painted sign on the doors that read Cooter’s Roadside Auto Repair.
These fellas sat in their truck a little too long — staring at me — before they got out to reveal they were dressed in camouflage hunting outfits from head to toe. Their caps were camo as well, except for the Confederate flag emblem on the front. Their clothes were covered in dirt, grease, and what looked like blood stains, the same stains they had on their faces.
I was on my way back to Austin, TX from the East Coast. I had gone to do some remodeling work on my rich sister’s vacation home on Chesapeake Bay and was happy to be coming home with a little extra cash, around three grand, in my pocket.
Then, as luck would have it, or as my dad would say, all the good shit just turned to crap.
Mas…Letter to the Editor: How Cooter and son welcomed me to Alabama
Pepito is all over Juan’s case and blames him for all their mistakes. And after their teacher died, he asks, what exactly does that make the two of them?
(PNS reporting from DIXIE) Though the competition was stiffer than Ronald Reagan’s corpse, retired MLB douchebag and Twitter hack Jose Canseco has been declared the Worst Mexican of All Time by ex-professional wrestler The Iron Sheik.
Canseco has the “raisin balls” and is an embarrassment to all of Mexico, The Sheik told PNS.
The contest was too close to call by many Mexperts but after the votes were tallied, Canseco won the prestigious title hands down, beating out Geraldo Rivera, Tito Santana, Raffi Torres, Mel Gibson, O.J. Simpson and Mario Lopez.
When notified he did not win, Geraldo responded by weeping on Fox and Friends, remarking that he felt “manually raped” by the results.
Mas…Twitter War! Iron Sheik says Jose Canseco ‘Worst Mexican of All Time’
(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Following the warm reception to the upcoming César Chávez biopic, producers in Hollywood have mounted an international effort to produce the “most extensive Chicano film in history.”
The production not only features an all-star cast from the United States and Latin America but also includes both factual and fictitious events in Chicano history.
“The idea is to jam pack as much history, culture and entertainment into two hours of film so that young Chicanos don’t have to read any books to learn about who they are,” said the project’s director, Pedro Almodóvar.
“In fact, if possible we are going to try to make the two hours into an hour-and-a-half, because our target audience has no attention span.”
Mas…Hollywood Spaniards, Puerto Ricans plan ‘ultimate’ Chicano film
Pepito and Juan continue their post-mortem review of the school video project on the way home…