Is guitarist and singer Omar Torrez the Latino Jimi Hendrix?

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Omar Torrez sure can play! That’s why he toured with Tom Waits and played with others like the Buena Vista Social Club and Jethro Tull. The Los Angeles Times wrote: “Dare we dub him the Latin Hendrix?! The fastest fingers in the West, a massive talent poised to break out and kiss the sky.”

Omar Torrez describes his music as “equal parts rock, Latin, delta blues, atonal classical, and performance art.” His heritage is as diverse as his music, ranging from Spanish and Basque (via Mexico) to Norwegian, Native American and Russian roots.

We especially like his new release — a happy-go-lucky smile of a tune called Marina (play this loud!) which will have you chair-dancing in no time at all. Srsly.

GOP seeks Hispanic vote, taps Seagal for ‘You’re Busted, Beaner!’

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Publicity photo courtesy 4REELZ network

(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Republicans scared to death worried about the GOP’s ridiculously awful poor standing with Hispanic non-Mexican-American voters have launched an election-year scramble to put a better spin on their party’s immigration problem. Their solution? A TV reality show starring Hollywood flunkie and all-around jackass, Steven Seagal.

Seagal leads the list of C-level actors in You’re Busted, Beaner! a new Republican Party-backed reality series. Seagal stars as a cop who pursues “illegals” while promoting the GOP’s non-Mexican Hispanic-friendly agenda.

The show will be produced by Tinsel Town’s sole Republican, who prefers to remain anonymous.

Mas…GOP seeks Hispanic vote, taps Seagal for ‘You’re Busted, Beaner!’

‘Coonskin’ animated masterpiece by Ralph Bakshi explores racism

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[NSFW. This is totally not safe for work. F word, N word etc.] We were very surprised to see it online and don’t know how long it will be available. Ralph Bakshi’s Coonskin is

… a subversive and satirical re-imagining of Disney’s Song Of The South with an urban spin, Ralph Bakshi’s incendiary masterpiece Coonskin exploits and eviscerates grotesque American racial stereotypes with a politically incorrect, profane and vicious sense of humor. — Dangerous Minds

Ñewsweek: @Astro_Jose is A-OK, Zimmerman’s ‘Latinidad’ revoked

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Formerly-Latino Zimmerman is shown on police surveillance video
This week’s ñews ran from A to Z as California Democratic Congressional candidate Jose Hernandez (@Astro_Jose on Twitter) didn’t need to show his papers to “prove” he is an astronaut, a national organization stripped alleged Trayvon Martin killer George Zimmerman of his official Latino credentials and our new columnist Dear Abuelita dispensed unexpected advice on love and life.

These were the big stories (plus Zimmerman’s 911 call, below) this week on POCHO:

Mas…Ñewsweek: @Astro_Jose is A-OK, Zimmerman’s ‘Latinidad’ revoked

Superhero Video: The Adventures of Paleta Man (Parts 1 & 2)

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The Adventures of Paleta Man is the story of an ice cream man who becomes a superhero. And this video — hold on now — is an adaptation of a coloring book based on the Paleta Man screenplay by independent writer/filmmaker Paul Ramirez of Austin, TX. The video is best when played fullscreen. The plot:

Esteban Ruiz makes a living by selling ice cream. A good and hardworking man, Esteban enjoys his job, especially when it brings him closer to Margarita Morales, the woman he loves. But being a modest man makes Esteban an easy target. He has been bullied, and becomes frustrated by his inability to defend himself. His fate suddenly changes when he purchases an antique wooden box. The box contains a magical medallion that gives Esteban special abilities. With his newly acquired strength, he decides to help those in need and punish criminals. He calls himself Paleta Man. When a villain captures Margarita, Esteban will need all of his super powers.

Part 2 — Secret of the Gold Medallion — is below.

Mas…Superhero Video: The Adventures of Paleta Man (Parts 1 & 2)

California’s new official poetry man is Juan Felipe Herrera (video)

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Gov. Jerry Brown has sworn in UC Riverside professor Juan Felipe Herrera as California’s Poet Laureate — the first Chicano to get the honor. In this video, Herrera reads his poem 187 reasons Mexicanos can’t cross the border. The poem illustrates the difference between Jerry Brown’s California and Jan Brewer’s Hate State of Arizona, where Mexican-American Studies are outlawed. Cali isn’t perfect, but at least we know where we came from.

Laurel and Hardy are El Gordo y El Flaco in ‘El Flaco Va Al Dentista’

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Is Will Ferrell — currently starring in Casa de Mi Padre — the first Anglo comic actor to make a Spanish-language comedy without knowing a word of Spanish?

No guey! As you can see in this old movie clip, black and white jailbirds Oliver Hardy and Stan Laurel AKA El Gordo y El Flaco visited the Dentista and delivered their lines phonetically from a script 60 or more years ago. If you don’t know about Ferrell’s movie, you can peep the trailer below — it’s in Spanish AND color!

Mas…Laurel and Hardy are El Gordo y El Flaco in ‘El Flaco Va Al Dentista’

Local man ‘sick and tired of sh*t breaking down and falling apart’

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bobbyfigueroa(PNS reporting from ROUTE 66) Area resident Bobby Figueroa is “so totally sick and tired” of the effects of the Second Law of Thermodynamics that he plans to fight the entropy, friends report.

People close to the situation say Figueroa began complaining about the universal tendency of elements in a closed system to flow to an increasingly disordered or entropic state last Thursday, the day he endured a flat tire, a broken tooth and repeated loss-of-signal during a hot game of “Words With Friends.”

“This shit is getting old,” Figueroa, 38, told his dinner companions at Babosa’s Route 66 Diner in Barstow after an evening of bowling in which he broke a nail and tore a shoelace.

Mas…Local man ‘sick and tired of sh*t breaking down and falling apart’

GOP to José Hernández: Where’s your space certificate? *Updated

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CLICK HERE FOR  MORE POCHONAUT COVERAGE

*(SACRAMENTO) A judge ruled Thursday afternoon that Democratic candidate José Hernández can indeed call himself an “astronaut” on the official ballots for U.S. Congress, according to a late report from the California state capital.

Yo no soy astronauta?

(SACRAMENTO March 26) He’s a NASA veteran who has been to the International Space Station and back and here we have a photo of him in his pinche space suit, but GOP lawyers who oppose Democrat José Hernández’s bid for seat in the U.S. Congress are demanding he stop calling himself an “astronaut.”

Unless Californian Hernandez can prove he is still an astronaut, the lawyers say, he has to stop referring to himself using that title.

“Astronaut is not a title one carries for life,”  Republican operatives  asserted in a lawsuit filed in Sacramento County last week.

The suit notes that Hernandez did not make any money from NASA last year. From the Fresno Bee:

Mas…GOP to José Hernández: Where’s your space certificate? *Updated

My Bottom Line: ‘Casa De Mi Padre’ is (1) Funny and (2) Not racist

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Over the weekend I went with two guys to see Will Ferrell’s latest film, Casa De Mi Padre. The film stars several Mexican actors and was produced by a Latino production house.

If you want the bottom line, here it is: I went into the movie with low expectations, but was surprised that it was funny, not racist, and well done.

In the film, Ferrell speaks entirely in Spanish, and I have to give him props for doing so well and not stooping to the level of “look at the funny white guy who can’t speak Spanish” jokes. As a matter fact, the movie was surprisingly devoid of the kinds of jokes where gringos make fun of Mexicans via brownfacing, or doing bad imitations of Mexicans.

Mas…My Bottom Line: ‘Casa De Mi Padre’ is (1) Funny and (2) Not racist

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Make all your beans come true

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Hi. Is Tia Lencha here. Sorry I haven been on the blogue. I don’t like to complains, but I have a son, and varicose veins. But I have to tell you about when I was making a pot of beans and I remember the time when I help my hijo make his dream come true.

It was summer and I was still with mijo’s father. Mijo and I stayed at home during the vacations from school. Mijo say he was bore being at the house, so I say, “why don’t we make a project?”

Mijo, who was six year old, say, “Can we make something?”

Oh! So cute! I say, “Yes, mijo, what do you want to make?”

He thought for a little bit and say, “I want to make the perfect pedo.”

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Make all your beans come true

Dear Abuelita: Is my girlfriend really a virgin? And why no sex now?

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Dear Abuelita:
I am a 20-year-old Latino man. My girlfriend will not have sex with me until we get married and she insists she’s a virgin. I’m not sure she’s telling the truth. Is there any way to tell if she’s a virgin or not?
Crazy with Celibacy

Dear Crazy with Celibacy:
Ever hear of “something old, something new, something borrowed and some things are turning blue?” Listen, loco, there is only one sign you should be looking for and it’s an EXIT sign. Head for the hills, better yet, head to where buffalo girls roam and don’t come home until you’ve got your color back. That is unless…

Mas…Dear Abuelita: Is my girlfriend really a virgin? And why no sex now?

Punk pioneer Alice ‘Bag’ Velasquez tells all in ‘Violence Girl’ (videos)

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Alice now
Alice then

Alicia Velasquez AKA “Alice Bag” — music scene pioneer in first-wave L.A. punk band The Bags — went on the road this winter to promote her autobiography Violence Girl. After a record store appearance, she answered a few questions for Punk Globe magazine.

Here’s the interview and the “trailer” for her book. Yes, books have trailers. And check out The Bags performance video and the vintage gurl-punk Cholitas footage — all below.

Mas…Punk pioneer Alice ‘Bag’ Velasquez tells all in ‘Violence Girl’ (videos)

Pocho Ocho ways Latinas emasculate Latinos

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It can be hard to be a Latina, but it can be even harder to be in love with one. I will admit that I occasionally emasculate my Latino friends, love interests and acquaintances.

Given that Latinos and Latinas alike often contend with issues of machismo,  emasculation can sometimes happen by accident. Then again, for the same reasons, it can also happen on purpose. Whatever the case, here’s a list of eight occasions to watch out for:

8. Talking to his mother or female relatives about him.

Although this is a female ritual, it never ceases to cause discomfort.

7. Calling him by Spanish pet names in front of his friends.

He may be your “pedacito de bon bon” when you two are alone, but when you call him these things in front of his friends, somehow it makes him less of a man.

Mas…Pocho Ocho ways Latinas emasculate Latinos

Offensive? Skweezy Jibbs calls homie Jose ‘a crazy Mexican’ (NSFW)

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There’s a fine line between an honest expression of one’s feelings and being a pendejo. Does YouTube rant-meister Skweezy Jibbs cross the line? Skweezy’s description of his homeboy Jose as “a crazy Mexican” offends a party-goer and sets Skweezy off on a three-minute rant. (Totally NSFW rude language and rude ideas.)

So what do you think? Are people today just way too gosh darn sensitive?
Tell it like it is in the comments below!

Meet America’s first Latino astronaut: José Jiménez (audio video)

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Just around the time actual Latino astronaut José Hernández was born, actor and comic Bill Dana (not a Latino) got famous playing José Jiménez, a sweet but dimwitted astronaut with a thick Latino accent.

It was the beginning of the Space Race and astronauts were America’s new heroes, but the very idea of a Chicano in space was a joke.

Mas…Meet America’s first Latino astronaut: José Jiménez (audio video)

Flying chupacabra kills 35 sheep in Michoacan (three videos)

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Almost three dozen sheep lie dead in a corral in Michoacan and one witness blames a creature with fangs and wings. From Britain’s Daily Mail:

When farmers in Mexico found 35 of their sheep slaughtered with significant claw and tooth marks around their necks, they had one creature to blame – the legendary chupacabra. One man tending to the sheep overnight in the small Mexican town of Paracuaro said he saw animals with sharp fangs and wings kill the livestock. Dubbed the ‘Bigfoot of Latin culture,’ the chupacabra is a legendary four-legged creature that many think is responsible for attacking and killing livestock.

But how does a flying chupacabra compare with a flying purple people eater? And who wants to actually SEE a flying saucer? Two music videos below provide the answers

Mas…Flying chupacabra kills 35 sheep in Michoacan (three videos)

Ñewsweek: New Mexico wants tourists — light-skinned tourists

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State tourist official does the New Mexican hat dance when a reporter asks about the casting call advertisement

This POCHO ñewsweek is brought to you in living — and dying — color.

In the Southwest, New Mexico’s tourist board is casting a commercial to promote visits to the state. Who do they want to play the tourists in their commercial? “Caucasians and light-skinned Hispanics.”

And in the Southeast, Florida cowers in the Spotlight o’ Shame as the country asks why an unarmed teenager was killed by a self-styled neighborhood watch vigilante.

These are the stories that made the ñews this week:

Mas…Ñewsweek: New Mexico wants tourists — light-skinned tourists

Mayan Doomsday (the video): ‘2012 The Mayan Word’

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Here’s a novel idea: Why not ask some Mayans about the impending apocalypse? Undercurrents Alternative News did just that in 2012 The Mayan Word. In Spanish and English with English subtitles, this hour-long documentary takes a look at the impending death and obliteration of the world as we know it and beginning of our glorious metamorphosis into luminous beings of light in the Singularity to come. Or maybe not. The official writeup is below.

Mas…Mayan Doomsday (the video): ‘2012 The Mayan Word’

New Mexico Tourism Board’s racist want ad: ‘Morenos need not apply’

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When your casting call includes skin color, people are going to think one of two things: Either you’re filming a sunblock ad or you’re a stone racist.

The New Mexico Tourism Board’s little gaffe (nicely summed up here from local news clips by the sharp folks at Cuentame) pretty much says it: Arizona Cerebral Fever – which renders bureaucrats completely tone-deaf to their own cluelessness about race – is contagious. You catch it from the pendejos next door in the Hate State of Arizona.

What’s priceless is the third-class backpedaling the spokeswoman offers – about how they’re looking for “a wide range of people” and this spot is “the first of many.”

Mas…New Mexico Tourism Board’s racist want ad: ‘Morenos need not apply’

Romney campaign tries to shake off Etch A Sketch remark

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The Romney campaign is one built on strong policy principles, unless, of course, they need to change them to pander to primary voters.

“Well, I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign. Everything changes,” Romney campaign advisor Eric Fehrnstrom said Wednesday on CNN. “It’s almost like an Etch A Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all over again.”

Shake it up baby!

Photos: He’s a real nowhere man lost in paletero land

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The Mexican ice cream man, or paletero (he sells paletas)

Artist Ramiro Gomez, Jr. makes the invisible visible as he inserts cardboard images of hardworking Latinos into the landscape of Los Angeles and documents his installation art with photos. At half-past midnight he emailed POCHO:

I went up to Hollywood Blvd. this afternoon and put up my newest cardboard installation. It is on the corner of Hollywood Blvd. and Curson Ave. I went back tonight and it has not been taken down yet, hopefully, the location I chose allows it to ride for a while.

The big versions of Gomez’ photos are below.

Shoutout to Hollywood peeps: Is the paletero still there? Please share your updates in the Comments section below. Gracias!

Mas…Photos: He’s a real nowhere man lost in paletero land

Around Our Town: Ñews from the Neighborhood

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Basketball: The undefeated Pocho High Fighting Santos meet the Chupacabras of Don Fernando Valley High for the state hoops semifinals next week in Rancho Cucamonga. Booster Club president Cal Ifas wants to remind fans the vuvuzelas have arrived and you can pick up your order at his auto upholstery shop weekdays and Saturdays. Califas Tuck y Roll is in the Pocho Industrial Park behind the Tapatio plant.

Tourism: The El Rancho Pocho Downtown Historical District has once again garnered a mention in Zagat’s Off the Beaten Path Travel Guide: “A sketchy tattoo parlor, Lupe’s Mistic Yerberia and a car battery recycling joint take you back to an earlier time, a time that wasn’t really all that good, actually, but if that’s what you’re looking for, the El Rancho Pocho Downtown Historical District has it all.”

Mas…Around Our Town: Ñews from the Neighborhood

Mississippi bill would require ‘green cards’ from Pocho Ricans

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(PNS reporting from OLE MISS) Inspired by the members of the University of Southern Mississippi marching band, state legislators passed a harsh new anti-immigration measure Wednesday and expect the bill to pass the Senate and be signed into law soon by Gov. Phil Bryant.

HB 488 requires law enforcement to investigate the immigration status of any person in custody thought to be in the country illegally and specifically targets American citizens from Puerto Rico. They are obligated to present a green card as well as prove proficiency in English.

The bill originally included provisions that would have required public schools to check the immigration status of all enrolled students and test their spelling proficiency. Those provisions were removed from the bill when it was discovered that many students could not spell Mississippi without singing it.

Mas…Mississippi bill would require ‘green cards’ from Pocho Ricans

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