![lalo250](https://pocho.b-cdn.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/lalo250.jpg)
During the interview, Lalo gave props to pioneering Latino cartoonist Gus Arriola, confessed he misses Herman Cain and revealed that he stands 100% behind @MexicanMitt.
During the interview, Lalo gave props to pioneering Latino cartoonist Gus Arriola, confessed he misses Herman Cain and revealed that he stands 100% behind @MexicanMitt.
(PNS reporting from NEAR THE BORDER) Campaign aides at Gov. Mitt Romney’s headquarters at a palatial goat rancho here have just released the candidate’s first campaign poster. Romney released his first English-subtitled Spanish-language commercial last week.
“The Most Mexican Man In The World,” @MexicanMitt is pictured enjoying the glamorous lifestyle of a “Baindido” of the money industry, or the “cash cartel,” as he likes to call it.
Romney is shown posed in his campaign garb – looking over his vast land holdings – as a herd of chivos frolics in the corral.
His juanderful campaign slogan, “I AM THE JUAN PERCENT” is winning over many converts to his jihad against taxes on the uber-super-maxi-rich.
Mas…Breaking Ñews: @MexicanMitt releases first campaign poster
Outer espace especial correspondent UFOHunter, the man behind ¡PutaNASA!, is back.
Building on his groundbreaking expose of the links between Mayan Doomsday 2012, gray aliens on the Moon and NASA UFO coverups, Orlando-based Hunter
Then he asks the obvious question: IS THIS THE SOUND OF THE MOTHERSHIP?
Not safe for work.
In ‘Trash Day – A Craigslist Personal Ad Comes to Life‘ a lonely chica crushes on a hunky sanitation worker.
Have you ever placed a Craigslist personal?
“We don’t need no steenkin’ badges,” actor Alfonso Bedoya told Humphrey Bogart in The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. Well, sorta. Although his line is one of the most-often quoted and parodied lines of cinema dialog, almost everyone has it wrong.
Click to peep some badges you definitely don’t need to see In Real Life.
A busy week in the ñewsroom: Tucson bans books, SOPA nazi attack meets resistance, pocha chicas making videos, chia pets’ health under assault by Mexican cartels and the Romney campaign releasing a subtitled video campaign ad. Here’s our roundup of the week’s big estories:
Mas…Week o’ Ñews: No SOPA 4 U, sh!t pochas say, the real Romney
This 1950 crime melodrama with humorous undertones involves the investigation of dope smugglers on the Mexican border. Americans Fred MacMurray and Claire Trevor enter the scene and find themselves embroiled in the illicit activities. Both are government agents, but each one thinks the other is a crook. The real bad guy is Raymond Burr, head of the smuggling ring. At one point, MacMurray and Trevor must pretend to be husband and wife, which weakens their mutual mistrust. Eventually, MacMurray and Trevor sort out the heroes from the villains, and the dope ring is scuttled…at least for the time being. (from the YouTube page.)
Nacho Galindo? There’s a Google for that!
8. Anchor baby (noun) – Wait- this is an anti-Latino slur? FAIL. Seriously, this just makes us picture an infant so cute and fat we could use it for a boat anchor. Just chuck it in – kerPLOP! – you can drift and chug Coronas all afternoon. Do better, wingnuts.
7. Arpaio (proper noun) – Actually, we’d just like to banish this one from the government payroll, strip it down to its pink underwear and let it play where’s-the-soap for 99 to life.
The interview is three decades old but still amazing. Listen to the man that started “pochismo!”
As the University of Texas presents the Mexican American Experience writes:
Jose Antonio Villarreal discusses his 1959 novel, Pocho, and the ways in which his own life and politics influenced his writing. Villarreal first discusses his experiences growing up in the pre-World War II era in California. He traces some of the similarities between his own life and that of his character, Richard Rubio, but he stresses that his novel is not a biography. Villarreal says he wrote Pocho because he wanted to introduce the rest of the U.S. to a group of Americans they knew nothing about.
TGIF Music Video Double Play: Groove on out the office with WAR’s Low Rider and Cisco Kid. How a band made up of six African-Americans and a Jew from Denmark turned into one of Latinos’ favorite groups is a long story, but the songs WAR wrote at 7417 Sunset Blvd. were definitely happenin’ in the hood. All but one of WAR’s surviving original members now perform as the Lowrider Band.
Mas…WAR ‘(All My Friends Know the) Low Rider’ plus ‘Cisco Kid’
(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) Skyrocketing demand for “perfect foods” has fueled a war between the rival QuinoaTraficante and ChiaTraficante agricultural cartels as they fight for market dominance — and Fido and Fluffy are the latest “collateral damage.”
Texas People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) say recent attacks on Mexican chia seed production — apparently at the hands of rival-cartel-affiliated quinoa growers — have left thousands of area seed-deprived chia pets cold, shivering and hairless in the dark. PETA said this includes Fido and Fluffy, of Barton Creek, pictured (above) in the organization’s latest Web ad.
Mas…PETA: Mexican quinoa vs chia cartel wars hurt Fido, Fluffy
(PNS reporting from the CAYMAN ISLANDS) Addressing complaints from English-speaking voters that his new Spanish-language Nosotros TV commercial was Greek to them, Gov. Mitt Romney’s campaign today released a subtitled version of the ad, available here for the first time as a POCHO exclusive video.
(PNS reporting from TUCSON) Even as John Huppenthal takes a breather now that teaching the alphabet is banned in Tucson schools, his Taliban-style campaign of education purification continues in the hands of allies.
“We won’t stop with just readin’ and writin’,” they say, “so ‘rithmetic is next!”
Superintendent of Public Instruction Huppenthal told PNS why he is terrified by brown-skinned children who read books and ask preguntas:
We’re gonna get real with you for just a second, and then it’s back to the jajaja.
We know it, you know it, even thousands of freaked-out college students know it now:
SOPA and PIPA are horrible bills that would turn control of all the mad, juicy goodness of the Internet – including sites like ours – over to a handful of greedy, pinstripe-suited dobermans known as entertainment industry lawyers. And those dogs would rip it all to bloody shreds.
(PNS reporting from DIXIE) The Latino Labor Association and Limpiadores Alliance today announced they are backing former Mass. Gov. Mitt Romney in advance of Saturday’s South Carolina GOP primary vote.
LALALA president Ed “Big Tiny” Calvados said Romney offers the best hope for Hispanics to achieve the American dream of fame, fortune and greed.
“The choice is obvious,” he said. “Gingrich wants to take our food stamps and ghetto language, Santorum’s trickle-down stinks and Rick Perry’s Tejano tushie will get spanked in the general election.”
“Mitt walks the walk. Take his position on jobs,” he said. “Mitt has eight houses, and if you figure a gardener and a housekeeper in each, that’s almost a dozen and a half gente off the welfare rolls and onto the payroll.”
When the memes come knocking POCHO starts rocking. Check out this “Sh!t Pocha Girls Say” video from Jessica Braganza and Sara Inés Calderón – it’s safe for work and cleared for fun.
During my seemingly eternal quest for love, I’ve been accused more than once of being “racist” for mostly dating Latinos.
Part of this is totally my fault and the result of my whining and chiflazón. There’s a misunderstanding about what motivates me and other people like me, who are interested primarily in dating other Latinos.
First and foremost, let me say that I have dated mostly pochos like me, but I’ve also dated Cubans, white men, and Asian men, finally coming to the conclusion that all men on this planet are idiots when they are in their 20s. Some of my complaints, which other Latinas share, include: They want to get married too soon, or they’re divorced with kids young, they’re too short, as you become more educated there are less Latinos around you, they’re scared of educated/professional women. The list goes on.
It was a big week for big news here at POCHO, where the big estory was our Mexclusive interview with new Twitter sensation @MexicanMitt, who told Pocho Ñews Service PNS “I’m in it to guin it!”
We also released the voicemail Catholic Bishop Gabino Zavala left when he told his boss the Archbishop about his secret life with a chica and two shorties.
The Racist White Ladies video (and response and apology videos) continued to amaze people who thought they’d seen everything from Arizona.
Turns out, Arizona-watchers, you ain’t seen anything, yet!
Click through for the stories and links.
Mas…Week in Ñews: @MexicanMitt, bishop with kids, racist white ladies, immigrants suck
Gang Boy (1955) is a gem of an “educational film” from the Ozzie y Harriet Era by genre master Sid Davis. “This 50s film is surprisingly sympathetic in its portrayal of a Chicano gang leader and the events leading up to the formation of the gang,” writes reviewer Christine Hennig.
I hate undocumented immigrants. I spent most of the holidays on my roof, throwing used cell phones and rusty nine-volt batteries at my undocumented family members as they arrived for festive gatherings. (Tía Lupe should be out of the hospital any day now, and you better believe that ICE will be waiting to cart her away from her children.)
My hatred for the undocumented is normally on a controlled boil. However, after viewing the Racist White Ladies video, my hatred steamed up.
These classy and thoughtful young ladies made me realize that there is much more to hate about undocumented immigrants, especially the fact that they’re always walking around carrying burritos lecherously. Zing! You really nailed them on that one ladies.
How stupid are undocumented immigrants? Well, they can’t even freeload properly!
TGIF Music Video, dedicated to all you lovers out there! Tierra – an offshoot of El Chicano – had their greatest hit with a remake of this Philly Soul classic Together. The sensuous vocals, slick horn arrangements and hypnotic groove make this extended live performance something special. And a big shout out to thee one and only Mr. Duran!
The back story is that when Soviet linguist Yuri Knorozov deciphered the classic Mayan glyphs in 1952, a mini Mayan craze swept Red artistic circles. Propaganda subtext? Your code is not safe, comrade. A deck of playing cards was the result. Meet the Queen of Hearts, a lovely Д is for “dama” (dame or Дама) indeed. And her little chihuahua.
Write the funniest caption, win the funniest prize!
I spent my two-week New Year’s vacation with family in Mexico. When I got back to L.A. I felt like I had crossed a finish line and, thankfully, made it back safe and sound.
My trip was not really over, though. Everyone at work and in my life was curious. “How was it?” people asked, waiting for me to tell them about my “homeland.”
Which version did they want, the sugar-coated one or the uncensored version? Normally, I would say “It was good. I got to spend quality time with my family and relatives and ate a lot of delicious cheap food!” But that hardly touches the surface.
I know that I am supposed to feel a deep connection, a feeling of being with my people, a sense of being “at home.” But when I am there, I count the days until I come back to the States. I feel like a bad Mexican.
Mas…Home from my Mexican holiday, I feel like ‘a bad Mexican’
(PNS reporting from CYBER ESPACE) Like virtual huitlacoche growing on a diseased ear of GOP political corn, an avatar of candidate Mitt Romney emerged on Twitter Wednesday, a digital fungus thriving on the stinking mess of Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary.
Using the handle @MexicanMitt, the campaign’s online Hispanic personality exalts Romney as a canny opportunist, occasionally-job-killing corporate turnaround guru and proud-to-be-loaded capitalist examplar. MexicanMitt now has 1,100 followers.
Pocho Ñews Service interviewed @MexicanMitt via email:
PNS: You seem to love enforcing immigration policies. How many of your own Mexican family members have you deported?
MexicanMitt: I keep deporting them back after they finish working for me selling oranges. So I don’t think of it as deporting them, more like firing them
Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney is live on Twitter: I am in it to guin it!
8. Pants, as in sweatpants, and it’s pronounced in Spanish, otherwise it wouldn’t count as Spanglish. Say “pontz.” These are what Richard Simmons should wear.
7. Chores, the seasonal opposite of pants, chores (pronounced: CHor-Essss), are even good to wear during the winters in most of the Southwest. Richard Simmons wears these.
6. Cornfleis, you know, like America’s favorite good-for-you-finish-it-up cereal. Remember breakfast is the most importante meal of the day. And sometimes you get toys.
(PNS reporting from MIAMI) The imminent crash – later this week – of a Russian space probe scares local spiritual gurus and national experts alike. All of them fear that the death dive of the Russki rocket is a Cosmic Warning of the Mayan Doomsday, scheduled for Dec. 21. Their big brains, however, are split on ways to prevent the Beginning of the End.
“Oh it’s easy,” one local specialist told PNS. “Just burn the candles.” Futurologist Pat Robertson’s advice is just one word: “Run!”
Russians espace commissars have predicted that fragments from the failed Phobos-Ground probe are expected to fall to Earth around Jan. 15.
What can an ordinary person do?
“Candles, definitely lots of candles,” said S.W. 46th St. curandero Alejandro “La Luz de Jesus” Sosa.
Mas…Russki space junk crash brings Mayan Doomsday – are we screwed?
(PNS reporting from VATICAN CITY) Los Angeles Roman Catholic Auxiliary Bishop Gabino Zavala shocked the Southern California faithful late last year when he resigned after revelations of a long-standing romantic relationship and two children. He left his farewell to God’s Holy Church via voicemail, according to transcripts of his phone calls to Archbishop Jose Gomez just furnished to PNS by ex-News of the World tech staffers. The transcript:
(BEEP)
Your Eminence...it's Gabe. I know we're busy with the Holy Days and all but I really needed to give you a heads-up on a couple of things. Since you came to the Archdiocese and with you an Opus Dei guy and me a Pax Christi guy...it's been a little bit like Chivas vs America (chuckles)...but anyway I guess you being ultra-conservative and me being more Christ-like...sorry I mean liberal...isn't really why I'm calling. Listen a couple of things have come up. You remember I was telling you about that the woman I met at the Interfaith Worker Justice convention back in '99...the one in Vegas that
Mas...Catholic bishop voicemail transcript: I have a chica and two kids, Your Eminence – I resign
The first time a man made a sexual advance to me – some random guy on the other side of the street – I was 13. Yes, although I hadn’t even started shaving my legs, I was already trying to figure out how to deal with sexual weirdos. Such tender memories.
If I recall correctly, his exact words, or sounds, were something like “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!!!”
(PNS reporting from NEW ENGLAND) New Hampshire is the small Yanqui state where Republicans vote today in a primary election. When tonight’s results come in, remember where they’re coming from – a jurisdiction where people live a lie, talk in a dialect devoid in rhoticity and don’t go to church like other Americans!
These are the secrets of the Granite State:
Mas…Secret New Hampshire: They lie about origins, talk funny and hate God
Not all people from Arizona are stupid racist dumbasses, but the two young women starring in the now-infamous year-old Racist Arizona White Ladies video sure are. It was reposted recently on YouTube and viewed over 1.2 million times. Throughout this poorly-lit hate flick two young female Arizonans cheer on the anti-immigrant law SB1070, which has since been partially gutted by courts, and engage in racist name-calling and vile stereotyping, and issue horrid violent threats to their brown-skinned neighbors.
Mas…Arizona racist white ladies threaten Mexicans: THE MOVIE