DYAC! Smartphone Spanglish spellcheck fails

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Amor gone amok

I’m a pocha, loud and proud, and I communicate in Spanglish.

Everywhere. In letters, in conversation, in emails, in cards and, most recently, in text messages. But, my BlackBerry hates my Spanglish and is constantly trying to correct it. In fact, it often changes my Spanish words to random English words when I try to send my messages, rendering them practically intelligible. Damn you, auto correct!

A few choice examples: “gracias” into “grass,” “mañana” into “banana,” “mucho” into “macho,” “chingado” into “changed,” “oyes” into “ones” and “amor” into “amok.”

–Sara Inés

Mas…DYAC! Smartphone Spanglish spellcheck fails

Franklin says ‘swarthy’ immigrants hurt our rep on Mars

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(PNS reporting from PHILADELPHIA) Local publisher Benjamin “Sparky” Franklin (Poor Richard’s Almanac) is shocked by all the non-English-speaking dark-skinned foreigners in the City of Brotherly Love and worries about how our planet appears to residents of Venus and Mars.

The “swarthy” German newcomers are too stupid to learn English, the Society Hill resident charged in a recent newsletter:

Mas…Franklin says ‘swarthy’ immigrants hurt our rep on Mars

Ñewsy Week: Daniel D Portado returns, AL ♥ CA y much more

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A busy ñewsweek brought the return to glory of the original self-deportationist, Daniel D. Portado, who, it turns out, is a fictional character created by POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz; an Alabama plan to import Canadians to replace the immigrant labor that used to keep the state running; and militant MEChA murmurings about the Lack of Visible Latinos in the hit BBC/PBS series Downton Abbey.

Other top stories included First Lady Michelle Obama’s partnership with Caribbean food conglomerate Goya and the astounding “installation art” of Ramiro Gomez, Jr.  Here’s our big list:

Mas…Ñewsy Week: Daniel D Portado returns, AL ♥ CA y much more

FLOTUS on healthy food for Chicano kids: Eat like Puerto Ricans

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First Lady at Goya photo-op (screen capture abcactionnews.com)

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Joining First Lady Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! initiative, Goya Foods, the largest Hispanic-owned U.S. food company, will help promote MiPlato, the USDA program designed to encourage children to make healthier eating choices.

“Today’s announcement is about eliminating diabetes in the Mexican-American community by helping them make better choices, and, with the help of Goya, forcing them to eat like Cubans and Puerto Ricans,” Obama said Friday.

“Everything that Goya is doing,” she said, “centers around a simple idea: this country’s Mexican children need to be told what to eat by a corporate conglomerate that mass-produces Caribbean food.”

Obama joined Goya president Bob Unanue and leading Latino organizations at a Tampa supermarket to promote healthy eating nationwide with a special focus on the incorrectly-nourished Mexican-American community.

Mas…FLOTUS on healthy food for Chicano kids: Eat like Puerto Ricans

Sabado Pochonte Video: ‘Leo Limon – Portrait of an Artist’

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Leo Limon: Portrait of an Artist celebrates one of the most popular and visible artists in the Chicano art movement. We see the L. A. artist’s life in the context of the broader history of cultural centers like Self-Help Graphics & Art and Limon’s proactive and collaborative approaches to alleviate gang violence and other social problems.

The video also explores his work in the preservation and restoration of the Los Angeles River as an ecological and recreational zone for the Los Angeles community.

Documentary video by USCB courtesy the Internet Archive.

Chevy wants you to get a Silverado for Mayan Doomsday 2012

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You’ll be in big trouble when Mayan Apocalapyse Doomsday 2012 comes if you’re driving a crappy truck from Ford! That’s the message from Chevrolet in a commercial set to air during Sunday’s Super Bowl telecast. On the other hand, you can live long and prosper with a stylish, strong and Doomsday-defying Silverado pickup, says the ad from this Uncle Sam GM bailout success story that Mitt Romney wouldn’t have supported.

Attention Chevy: Ping us for great ground-floor advertising opportunities! The folks at RentALatino got a great deal and you can too!

And check out our handy Doomsday Countdown clock over here —————>

Remembering Ritchie Valens, superstar pocho pride of Pacoima

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Not a sailor

Today marks the sad anniversary of “the day the music died,” the 1959 airplane crash that took the lives of rock stars Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens.

Valens, from the L.A. suburb of Pacoima, was born Richard Steven Valenzuela and some consider him the father of Chicano rock. Pocho Valens didn’t espeak Espanish, so he sang the lyrics to La Bamba from a phonetic cheat sheet.

Click for music videos of Chantilly Lace from the Bopper, Peggy Sue by Holly and the actual Valens La Bamba recording sessions, plus a Don McLean performance of The Day the Music Died.

Mas…Remembering Ritchie Valens, superstar pocho pride of Pacoima

The astounding ‘installation art’ of Ramiro Gomez, Jr.

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Artist Ramiro Gomez, Jr. makes the invisible visible as he inserts paper images of hardworking Latinos into the landscape of Los Angeles — a gardener with a leaf blower, a housekeeper with a mop. There are many more images on his Happy Hills blog where he describes himself this way:

I live and work as a male nanny in West Hollywood, Beverly Hills and the Laurel Canyon area of the Hollywood Hills. Happy Hills is my body of work documenting the predominantly hispanic workforce, who work tirelessly behind the scenes to present the beautiful images of the ideal Hollywood Hills homes.

Mas…The astounding ‘installation art’ of Ramiro Gomez, Jr.

Alabama legislators to ‘import’ Canadian workers to fill jobs

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Recent aerial photo shows rotting crops
(PNS reporting from DIXIE) In a move to avoid further financial ruin and humiliation, Alabama legislators are considering an unusual measure called the “Canuck Program” that would “import” laborers from Canadia to fill empty Alabama jobs.

Immigrant Mexican labor has all but disappeared from the Alabama landscape and the state has lost $10.8 billion in rotting crops and revenue.

Lawmakers desperate for solutions hope the Canuck Program will resuscitate the Yellowhammer State’s ignorant and bigoted economy.

Mas…Alabama legislators to ‘import’ Canadian workers to fill jobs

Are Castro and Chavez planning KomradPad tablet and CheOS?

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Artist's rendering of KomradPad running CheOS

(PNS reporting from EL OTRO LADO) Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez and Cuba’s Fidel Castro are developing their own communist tablet computer, the KomradPad, and  a custom commie operating system tentatively dubbed CheOS, according to industry sources.

Initial apps are said to include a Zynga-style game called Collective Farmville, a first-person shooter named Comrade In Arms: Road to a Workers’ Paradise and a socialist media app copied from Facebook called Secret Police Book, which, like FB, makes every status update, link and photo available to guardians of the State’s security.

Mas…Are Castro and Chavez planning KomradPad tablet and CheOS?

Meet our newest sponsor – RentALatino!

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Rent a Latino!In our ongoing search for advertisers to match our diverse audience, it looks like we have found a winner – a company with deep pockets and its heart in the right place.

POCHO is glad to welcome RentALatino to the echelons of our Premium Sponsors.

To learn how you might qualify for RentALatino‘s latest discounts and see the full message from our sponsor, read on!

Mas…Meet our newest sponsor – RentALatino!

Daniel D. Portado tells Rachel Maddow about ‘self-deportation’ (video)

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Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy


POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz joined the Rachel Maddow show on MSNBC Wednesday evening to discuss the fictional Daniel D. Portado character he created in 1994 to mock a racist California anti-immigrant measure. Lalo’s “self-deportation” hoax solution for undocumented residents was reborn last week as GOP hopeful Mitt Romney suggested “illegal” immigrants should “self-deport.”

GOP primary votes drive ‘knowledge industry’ shares lower

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Traders at the NYSE
(PNS reporting from WALL STREET) The spectacle of enthusiastic GOP voters choosing one pinche pendejo or the other in the Florida primaries sent the widely-watched RIF index lower Tuesday, as investors acted on fears that ignorance was the new black.

The Reading Is Fundamental index tracks firms like academic textbook publishers, for-profit educators and sliderule manufacturers.

The RIF index, which reached its highest level (3,141,592) immediately after the election of then Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) in November 2008, sunk to a new low of √-1 in after-hours trading.

Mas…GOP primary votes drive ‘knowledge industry’ shares lower

Meet Daniel D. Portado, the original ‘self-deportationist’

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(PNS reporting from CYBERESPACE) Although Mitt Romney has lately been in the news for promoting self-deportation, there is someone who beat him to the concept back in the 1990s — Daniel D. Portado. The self-proclaimed “original self-deportationist” encouraged others to follow his example and self-deport during California’s brush with anti-immigration legislation in the 1990s.

In this current round of self-deportation, groups have sprung up to actually promote self-deportation, and Romney’s rhetoric has been taken seriously in some politically conservative circles. We interviewed Daniel D. Portado about self-deportation and here’s what he said.

PNS: Rumor has it that you are the original self deportation asked, is that true?

Daniel D. Portado: Yes. I clearly invented self-deportation in 1994 during the wonderful Proposition 187 era in California. I founded the group “Hispanics For Wilson”, a GOP support group of Governor Pete Wilson. Wilson correctly wanted to chase all the illegals out of California after they were done mowing our lawns, but before payday.

Mas…Meet Daniel D. Portado, the original ‘self-deportationist’

Is a GOP unity platform in the cards?

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(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Even as Republican primary voters in the Sunshine State head to the polls, rumors coming out of the Romney and Gingrich campaigns hint at a startling new development.

Mindful of the tremendous credibility issues raised by the vicious negative ads driving the contest, the candidates may bury the hatchet and declare that only Republican unity can defeat President Obama and “rekindle the American Dream.”

What would a unified GOP stand for? Here’s one report.

Mas…Is a GOP unity platform in the cards?

‘Demolición’: Pioneer surf punk from Los Saicos (Peru, 1965)

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Wikipedia: Los Saicos were a Peruvian garage rock band that has come to be considered one of the most original and influential Latin American bands of the 1960s. The Psychos released six singles (but no album) between 1965 and 1966, all songs being originals by band members Erwin Flores and Rolando Carpio. This single, Demolición, was one of their biggest hits. Tat-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta ya-ya-ya-ya!

Latino nerds = other nerds, but different

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Latino nerds are into both American and Latino popular culture. Latinos are part of United States of America.  This standard is not based upon documented status or the ability to speak English.  It not based upon the ability to bleach one’s hair a lighter shade of blonde.  No, Latinos are part of the nation because we have produced something more profound — Latino nerds.

Mas…Latino nerds = other nerds, but different

Moonbase issue casts shadow on final GOP debate

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(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) The moon was high on the debate agenda last night as Gov. Mitt Romney and former Rep. Newt Gingrich crossed lightsabers with both candidates fighting hard to capture the crucial lunar vote.

The encounter, held at Farpoint Station Laser Tag in Orlando, was the 79th GOP debate and the last before Tuesday’s primary election.

Gingrich, his arms unfurled, set the tone by calling for the establishment of a permanent base on the moon by the year 2020. Gingrich has also set this date as a deadline for establishing a new marriage with a heretofore unexplored Mrs. Gingrich #4.

Warning that the Chinese would dominate outer space if the U.S.A. does not step up in the moonbase race, Gingrich said “Frankly, the Chinese can probably set up the first Panda Express on the moon in 30 minutes or less.”

Mas…Moonbase issue casts shadow on final GOP debate

Week of Ñews: AZ showdown, FLA follies, CT jerk, MX mischief

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President Barack Obama flew into Arizona and was greeted on the tarmac by a nasty Gov. Jan Brewer; POCHO has the audio.

In political news, Herman Cain backed Newt Gingrich in the GOP nomination race and released a new poster, while Newt’s peeps supplied a subtitled version of his Spanish-language TV commercial.

Jerkiosity spread to CT as a small town mayor made small-minded remarks and troubles in Mexico bubbled over the border as far as The Hague.

Click on the [Mas…] for, you know, mas!

Mas…Week of Ñews: AZ showdown, FLA follies, CT jerk, MX mischief

Politics of chonies: What I learned when I sent my laundry out

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lavanderiaI might be renting out a room this summer to a friend. She made a phone appointment with me and asked a list of questions about living in my place in Brooklyn. How far is it from Manhattan? What trains do you take? Do you have Internet? Can I use the kitchen? Then she asked about laundry.

“I heard you take your laundry on the bus!” she said like it was some sort of urban myth. I took one of those prolonged intakes of breath.

Laundry is complicated.

Mas…Politics of chonies: What I learned when I sent my laundry out

BREAKING: Cain backs Gingrich, releases campaign poster

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(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) In an apparent play for the VP nod, former gangster pizza mogul and serial groper Herman Cain has endorsed former Freaker of the Spouse Newt Gingrich in his bid for the Republican presidential nomination. Enthusiastic Cain aides leaked this prototype of their dream ticket campaign poster.

Earlier this week, the Gingrich campaign HQ released a subtitled version of their candidate’s Spanish-language TV commercial.

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of the Pocho Corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.

Sabado Pochonte: DTLA, Olvera St., 1937 (Vericolor, Cliché-o-Vision)

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A Street of Memory (1937): You’ll meet “soft-speaking olive-skinned guides, languid in business” the narrator intones as he guides tourists in a walk through Los Angeles’ quasi-historic Olvera Street.
Brain-exploding old school stereotypes spice up this documentary by William M. Pizor – a “Vericolor production offering touristic views of  Olvera Street and the old Mexican quarter in Los Angeles, California” according to the Internet Archive.

Do you see anyone you know? Recognize any landmarks?

POCHO needs a mad genius sales jefe

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Hey, amigos:

Yes, you, the ones with the ad agency contacts and the AlwaysBeClosing tattoos:

If you have strategic vision, sales team management experience, a thick little black book and the knife-in-your-teeth attitude of a closer, check out this job listing: POCHO wants to interview you for a job as our Jefe de Sales y Business Development.

Peggy Lee sings ‘Mañana (is good enough for me)’ 1950

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For whatever it’s worth, Mañana is probably the only Spanish word many Anglos knew in the 1950s. Sombrero-topped, sarape-wrapped, siesta-taking mañana. Peggy Lee sings it this 1950 TV clip. Her record of this song (she wrote it) was Number 1 in 1948. That’s right, your abuelita was born when all of America was singing this.

Mas…Peggy Lee sings ‘Mañana (is good enough for me)’ 1950

Shocking study links global warming and Latino immigration

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Courtesy 'International Correlations of Climatology'

(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) The warmer the U.S. gets, the more Latinos live here. That’s the controversial conclusion of a scientific study released Thursday by the Demographic Climatology Trend Institute at Maricopa County Community College.

“We don’t know if the warmer weather makes El Norte a more comfortable place to live for Mexicans used to desert living, you know, with the sombreros and cacti and burros, or that the number of brown people on our side of the border means more sunlight is getting absorbed and kicking up the thermometer,” said Assistant Professor of Ignorametry Joe “Junior” Arapaio.

Mas…Shocking study links global warming and Latino immigration

Video: Gingrich Spanish TV ad now with English subtitles

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(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) As the Newt Gingrich campaign fights to win votes in the upcoming GOP primaries, his campaign has reached out to the Sunshine State’s Spanish-espeaking voters. As a public service, the former Freaker of the Spouse has prepared this version of the commercial with subtitles for voters who don’t habla Espanol. Mitt Romney’s campaign released a similarly-subtitled video last week.

Mas…Video: Gingrich Spanish TV ad now with English subtitles

BARACK vs. BREWER! Exclusive audio: When Obama met Brewer at the PHX airport (NSFW)

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(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) When Gov. Jan Brewer met visiting Pres. Barack Obama at the Phoenix-Mesa Gateway airport Wednesday they appeared to have engaged in a testy verbal exchange. The PNS crack mobile team of forensic audiologists have managed to extract the sound of the conversation from the background noise. Here’s what Obama and Brewer said (NSFW.)

Mas…BARACK vs. BREWER! Exclusive audio: When Obama met Brewer at the PHX airport (NSFW)

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