BREAKING ÑEWS: (PNS reporting from CARACAS) The death of Commandante El Presidente Hugo Chavez means the Bolivarian Bottling Company has had to cancel plans to produce Jugo Chavez Energy Drink for export to the United Estates, PNS has learned.
The state-owned firm hoped to export the beverage to the U.S. where MEChA chapters, like cookie-selling Girl Scouts, would set up tables selling cans outside student union buildings.
The guarana-based potion was said to contain “homeopathic amounts” of Karl Marx, Fidel Castro and Che Guevara. Although the recipe promised awesome gains in strength, the label noted it does not cure cancer.