Pocho Ocho probable ways the CIA gave Hugo Chavez cancer

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Venezuelan Vice President Nicolas Maduro (he may be the new president by the time you read this) has accused the United Estates of poisoning dead Hugo Chavez with special commie-killing cancer.

We talked to our sources in the intelligence community to compile the pocho ocho most likely ways the U.S. could have given Commissar Chavez the deadly disease:

8. Horsemeat — it’s what’s for dinner

7. Pinche high-fructose corn syrup

6. GMO salmon

5. Taco Bell burritos

4. The Harlem Shake

3. Sitting him next to Jan Brewer on a private jet

2. The Old Fidel Castro Exploding Cigar Trick

And the numero uno way the CIA could have given Hugo Chavez cancer is…

Soy chorizo.