See this painting that is supposed to depict the first Thanksgiving? It’s wrong wrong wrong. What really went on at that epic feast so long ago?
We’ve got eight things right here:
8. The frozen string beans in the casserole were past their sell-by date
7. Pilgrim Zephaniah Winslow = silent but deadly
6. Squanto’s succotash was really takeout from Naco Bell
5. Although only organic turkey was served, it was not Kosher
4. Two words: Pumpkin Schnapps
3. Elder William Bradford’s admonition to wife Sarah was the first recorded
use of the phrase “Prithee, shut ye olde pie hole.”
2. Concerted effort needed to make sure Uncle Dave Herman was not left alone with the girl children
And the numero uno secret of the first Thanksgiving feast is…
You look chilly; want a blanket?
