assault

Pocho Ocho absolutely worst things to do with a Taco Bell burrito

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Eric Brown, 36, of Pt. Lucie, FL, is awaiting an arraignment for “assault” because he allegedly threw a Taco Bell burrito in his 16-year-old brother-in-law’s face.

Just so you don’t run afoul of the Law of Burritos, make note of the pocho ocho things you should never EVER do with a Taco Bell burrito:

8. Smoosh it in a 16-year-old’s face

7. Use it as a suppository

6. Mix with papier mache to make a piñata

Mas…Pocho Ocho absolutely worst things to do with a Taco Bell burrito

Minority gun owners start NGA group to challenge NRA supremacy

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(PNS reporting from COMPTON) Minority gun owners tired of the “racist white agenda” of the National Rifle Association have launched the National Gun Association (NGA) to lobby for the rights of Latino and African-American gun owners.

NGA, straight out of the Los Angeles suburb of Compton, believes the NRA’s defense of mass shootings, which are mostly perpetrated by white male Christians, harms the real agenda of supporting gun ownership for personal and business self defense.

NGA president Cole Fotyfife, just back from President Bronco Bama’s inauguration (photo), said the campaign will focus on the message “Guns don’t kill people, crazy white people kill people.”

Mas…Minority gun owners start NGA group to challenge NRA supremacy

Fired undocumented gardener sorry he ‘peed on Romney’s petunias’

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Gardener Berto Lopez trims a hedge in Beverly Hills

(PNS reporting from BEVERLY HILLS) Inspired by Mitt Romney’s apology for assaulting a long-haired commie prep school classmate, one of the undocumented gardeners Romney hired and then fired in 1996 has issued his own apology.

Berto Lopez, now working as a freelance arborist in Beverly Hills, regrets he once peed on the then-governor’s prized petunias.

“I did some rude things when I was younger,” he told PNS Thursday, “and if I hurt any of those plants, well then I am truly sorry.”

But Lopez denied the peeing and the firing were related. “I peed on the plants because Romney was a pendejo —  how you say — douchebag:”

Mas…Fired undocumented gardener sorry he ‘peed on Romney’s petunias’