bill clinton

This Is My Bill Richardson Story: QEPD y RIP

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I happened to be in Santa Fe Friday — the day of New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson’s funeral.

I wanted to pay my respects, so I planned on attending the ceremony if it was open to the public. If it wasn’t open, I would have gladly crashed it.

Despite the massive crowds and police presence at the Cathedral Basilica St. Francis Assisi, and folks carrying what I thought were invitations, it was indeed open to the public. I grabbed the next-to-the-last pew, way in the corner in the back, but I got in, along with a thousand others.

I had met the former Governor, Secretary of Energy, Congressman, and international hostage rescuer only once, maybe 15 years ago, at an event at the University of New Mexico. He was standing alone, and wearing a fringed leather jacket, looking relaxed and amiable.

Mas…This Is My Bill Richardson Story: QEPD y RIP

Is my slip showing? Gender and vulnerability in stand-up comedy

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What does it mean to be vulnerable? This question comes up quite a bit in comedy. You might hear someone say, “oh, he’s so raw, so vulnerable…” It’s a common form of praise, usually for male comedians.

Former Late Show booker, Eddie Brill, named vulnerability as his favorite quality in a comedian. He seldom, if ever, booked women. Eventually, he was fired for his statements in the now infamous New York Times article. However, the crux of his argument was that good comedians reveal their weaknesses and women just don’t do that.

Mas…Is my slip showing? Gender and vulnerability in stand-up comedy

It’s the October Surprise! Pocho Ocho Top JuikiLiques Bombshells

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juikiVenezuela-based “transparency” website JuikiLiques dropped some big political bombshells this morning — the so-called “October Surprise.”

POCHO’s Especial Correspondents axed all the refryable sources to concoct this list, so check it out: The Pocho Ocho Top Juikiliques Bombshells:

8. Donald Trump’s plan to have “Mexico pay for the wall” relies on hiring Mexican workers, not paying them, and then deporting them, a scheme that worked so well in previous real estate projects.

7. Hillary Clinton threw away over 200 valuable AOL membership CDs and never told the FBI.

6. Donald Trump’s hairdresser, former airport cosmetologist Manila Envelopé, won’t use anything but Tres Flores mousse for Trump’s weave-over, but she removes the labels so the Donald won’t know.

Mas…It’s the October Surprise! Pocho Ocho Top JuikiLiques Bombshells

Hillary: I’m like your abuela! Twitter: #NoMames #NotMyAbuela

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hilllaryabuelaHillary Clinton’s campaign shared the “7 Ways Hillary Clinton Is Just Like Your Abuela” on her website Tuesday (photo), after daughter Chelsea announced that she was pregnant.

“[Hillary] isn’t afraid to talk about the importance of el respeto,” the site proclaimed, and “she knows what’s best.”

Also, we learned, “she reacts this way when people le faltan el respeto:”

Mas…Hillary: I’m like your abuela! Twitter: #NoMames #NotMyAbuela

Pocho Ocho top things people blame on El Chupacabra (videos)

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Johnny Depp couldn’t just cop to being a day late to the Japanese press conference. No, this wannabe Tonto had to blame his tardy-ass rudeness on an attack by a cruel and vicious Mexican — El Chupacabra (video, above). And the interpreter and the reporters are all like jajaja WTF but in Japanese. Johnny Depp ≠ Bill Murray in Japan, apparently.

But El Deppo wasn’t the first to blame his own bads on this famous Mexican monster. Here are the Pocho Ocho top things people blame on El Chupacabra:

8. The chupacabra ate my homework … AND MY DOG!

7. Sorry for the mess. A chupacabra went through my dirty clothes hamper and left all my chonies in piles on the floor.

6. But Your Honor! I was just estanding on the corner minding my own business when El Chupacabra ran by and handed me that iPhone 6!

Mas…Pocho Ocho top things people blame on El Chupacabra (videos)

Breaking: Fake Facebook post changes Fort Worth man’s life

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Bill-Clinton almadrigal400 Kanye-West

(PNS reporting from FORT WORTH, TX) Leon Ortiz (photo, center) was scrolling through his Facebook newsfeed last week when he saw a post that changed his life forever. The post, co-authored by former President Bill Clinton (photo, left) and pop star Kayne West (photo, right), celebrated the importance of following your dreams.

“You know, I think it was Fate — with a capital ‘F.’ It was 3:42 PM on a Thursday and I was feeling frustrated at my account manager job at an international insurance company. I felt a spiritual lightness I had never experienced before,” the Arlington Heights man told PNS.

“It was amazing, like all my ennui and weltschmerz was gone!”

Mas…Breaking: Fake Facebook post changes Fort Worth man’s life

Toke the Vote urges big turnout for Tuesday Presidential election

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(PNS reporting from OAKLAND) “Are you planning on voting Tuesday, brah?” Dale Mendoza scrunched his eyes shut behind his dark sunglasses as he concentrated on his phone call with a potential voter in Arkansas.

“This election is critical, OK, and we totally need your vote.” Mendoza (photo, left) was the team leader of two dozen phone bank volunteers in a basement office in this Northern California city, possible the country’s most pot-friendly municipality.

The smoke-filled room is a California outpost of Toke the Vote, a coalition of pro-marijuana political activists backed by the Zig-Zag cigarette papers company and ConAgra’s Screaming Yellow Zonkers snack products.

Mas…Toke the Vote urges big turnout for Tuesday Presidential election

Ñewsweek: Japanese cholas, @MexicanMitt sings, DNC delirium

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Is brown the new black?

That’s the question POCHO asked in a massively-popular photo essay that featured Japanese women who dress like cholas. They make ‘gang’ signs, they pose and they mad-dog the camera. Is this a good thing?

Political coverage broke most of the ñews this week as just-released-from-Twitterham-jail @MexicanMitt Romney debuted a music video and had lots to say about the Democratic Convention in Dixie, especially that Bill Clinton guey.

Here are POCHO’s big estories:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Japanese cholas, @MexicanMitt sings, DNC delirium

@MexicanMitt on the DNC: THAT CONVENTION ESUCKED!

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COMO CHINGA ESE OBAMA.

If this Democratic convention was the FIESTA, then this yobs report is the CRUDA!

There is no bowl of menudo big enough to cure the mess that Barack Obama has failed to clean up after the frat boy party thrown by George W. Bush. Whoops, never mind that I mentioned what’s-his-face.

Even Julian Castro’s Menudo Cook-Off-winning abuela could not boil enough pansa for Americans to stomach four more years of Marxist Socialist Communism Veganism. I have no facts to back that up, but GUATEVER. I don’t need facts, I AM A RICH DUDE.

As for the actual Democrap convention, here’s my review:

Mas…@MexicanMitt on the DNC: THAT CONVENTION ESUCKED!

Bill Clinton’s Pocho Ocho best lines in his speech to the DNC

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Former President Bill Clinton’s speech Wednesday to the Democratic Convention was long (48 minutes), complex and filled with facts and arithmetic — maybe too long and filled, although girth is as important as length according to the email we get here.

As a public service, therefore, and sanitized for your protection, we present the Pocho Ocho best lines from Clinton’s speech to the DNC:

8. In Hope, Arkansas, offshore banking deposits are at that glory hole down by Stonewall Creek.

7. Republican arithmetic makes as much sense to this old country boy as those Chinese hookers in Harlem!

6. Sandra Fluke: Call me maybe.

Mas…Bill Clinton’s Pocho Ocho best lines in his speech to the DNC

@MexicanMitt on Bill Clinton: Well, that wasn’t a very good espeech

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Well, that wasn’t a very good espeech.

Ex-Presidente BILL CLINTON spoke to the Democratic National Convention last night before heading out to a night of debauchery and cheeseburgers in Charlotte.

Sure, you might say he delivered a good defense of Barack Obama’s awful Presidency.  But he filled the whole long rant with PINCHE BORING FACTS and even ARITHMETIC!

If you watch Fox News or listen to my man Rush, you know that  facts will not get in my GUEY. You know that OBAMA IS THE MOST DIVISIVE PRESIDENT OF ALL TIME BECAUSE HE HAS DIVIDED THE RACISTS FROM THE NON-RACISTS.

Mas…@MexicanMitt on Bill Clinton: Well, that wasn’t a very good espeech

Pocho Ocho bits dropped from the Democrat’s convention schedule

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As fact checkers continue ripping apart the speeches from last week’s GOP liarpalooza, wary Democratic National Convention officials have dropped some scenes from their own star-studded Great Moments in White House History Pageant.

Here are the Pocho Ocho historical recreations you won’t see at the Democrat’s convention:

8.  Franklin D. Roosevelt (Bill Murray) is all about West Wing wheelchair wheelies as he sends Japanese-American citizens into “internment” camps

7. Harry Truman (Lewis Black) tries on funny hats and growls as he orders the nuking of Hiroshima and Nagasaki

6. John F. Kennedy (Dr. House) humps Mafia hookers, gets high on pain killers and decides it’s a good idea to send “military advisors” to help the corrupt military dictatorship in an obscure former French colony in Southeast Asia

Mas…Pocho Ocho bits dropped from the Democrat’s convention schedule