Eligio The Kid and his super hero squad of Extranjeros realize that in America, one needs to speak English. I’m so sorry you don’t know what I say!
border
Immigration Reform 2013: Where exactly is the ‘reform’ part? (video)
The long-anticipated “comprehensive immigration reform bill” is set to be introduced to the public by a bi-partisan group of legislators today.
What exactly is the “Border Security, Economic Opportunity, and Immigration Modernization Act of 2013?”
The compromise proposal won’t cover all the people here without legal status, for one thing, nor will it create a lasting change — reform — of the immigration system.
What it will do, though, is line the pockets of security contractors via $3 billion dollars for “border security.”
Mas…Immigration Reform 2013: Where exactly is the ‘reform’ part? (video)
Mexico builds border wall to keep out assholes from the U.S.A. (video)
In a much-criticized move, Mexico has finished construction of the border wall to keep out assholes from the United Estates.
American officials were mum after their own calls for more enforcement on this side of the border, but some politicians are mad enough to consider canceling their own Mexican spring break vacations.
Mas…Mexico builds border wall to keep out assholes from the U.S.A. (video)
Chilanga DREAMer Aury Martinez is all ‘Si Se Puede!’ (NSFW video)
President Obama’s “deferred action” program is working out really well for DREAMer Aury Martinez. (NSFW audio.)
Documentary: ‘Mundo Al Revés – World Upside Down’ (NSFW video)
Johnny Mp, who comes from Peru, made this documentary to show the hard life of an immigrant — living, working and loving. Can you relate? (NSFW language.)
‘Jolito’ crossed over, but can a beaner make it in America? (video)
Frijolito is now on the American side of the border, and it looks like he’s on his way to achieving the American Dream….or is he? [Video by LaGranRoyal.]
Mas…‘Jolito’ crossed over, but can a beaner make it in America? (video)
Native American faces down anti-immigrant protest (NSFW video)
In a video uploaded Tuesday, and since widely-republished, a Native American pushing a baby in a stroller educates a crowd of Tucson, AZ anti-immigration demonstrators about who is really American and who is an alien invader. (NSFW language.)
Gringo uses the old Christianity trick to get past the MIGRA (video)
The best defense is good offense, pochos. Watch and learn!
If only these undocumented immigrants had seen the video before they got stopped in the middle of Oklahoma!
Mas…Gringo uses the old Christianity trick to get past the MIGRA (video)
Marry a citizen, become a citizen at PendejoMatch.com (video)
Sen. John Kyl, a Republican (surprise surprise!) from the Hate State of Arizona, is pleased to announce his online dating site for the young, undocumented and desperate.
Marry a citizen, become a citizen!
It’s just that easy with the “quick path to citizenship” from PendejoMatch.com.
Try Pendejo Match for free for 30 days or your money back! Just looking for love? Our sister site MojadoMingle.com is the place for you. Or maybe GueyDate.net.
Al Madrigal goes to Arizona to understand legislative gridlock (video)
The Daily Show’s Senior Latino Correspondent Al Madrigal goes to Arizona to understand how a streamlined legislative process can benefit the country.
DISCLOSURE: Madrigal is also POCHO’s Migrant Editor.
Is it a crime to cross the line? ‘Dame Agua, Give Me Water’ (video)
A nameless man — let’s call him Juan Doe — dies in the desert near the border. This is his song: Dame Agua from Eric Holland‘s CD American Inmigrante.
Dead and more dead in the drug war and only ‘The Silence’ (video)
When the kids ask why all these people are dying in Mexico’s Drug War, what do you say? The unmistakable David Hidalgo of Los Lobos (with harmonies by Jackson Browne) sings of The Silence on this Los Cenzontles tune recorded by the veteran East Bay collective in L.A.’s Echo Park in February. Closing guitar solo by Eugene Rodriguez.
David Byrne/La Portuaria: Today I’m not afraid of dyin’ (music video)
David Byrne and Argentina’s La Portuaria team up to defy fear and death in Hoy lo le temo a la muerte.
Don’t wait for immigration reform: PORT-A-BORDER is here! (video)
“Comprehensive immigration reform” is like the weather — everyone talks about it but no one does anything about it. That’s why real Americans are going wild over PORT-A-BORDER, the personal hi-tech illegal immigration solution that keeps those darn Mexicans out of your personal space. (Possibly NSFW language.)
BFFs Mitt, Darryl visit Latino sites for Hispanic Heritage Month (photos)
They hooked up Tuesday when the candidate visited a Denver-area Chipotle.
Then GOP presidential candidate and Latino-lover Mitt Romney and new BFF Darryl went on a bromance tour of other important Latino institutions to mark Hispanic Heritage Month, as seen in this photo of their visit to Sophia Vergara’s breasts. (She recently described her chi-chis as a “pain in the ass.“)
Inspired by Vergara, the duo made a few more estops:
Mas…BFFs Mitt, Darryl visit Latino sites for Hispanic Heritage Month (photos)
When the world turns crazy, luchadors turn pro ‘Muy Macho’ (video)
Muy Macho tells the tale of a put-upon, alcoholic gardener who finds out he comes from a long line of luchador-masked superheroes. When he ingests his pinche foul-mouthed abuela’s homemade remedio, he becomes a nine-foot tall wall of rippling Mexican crime-fighting muscle. (Totally NSFW language.)
By special arrangement with writer and director Kevin Beauchamp.
Illegal Border Crossing Park – a night in Hell for under $20! (video)
Tired of Machu Pichu? Eco-tourism in Borneo too old school? Disneyworld — been there done that? Visit exciting Illegal Border Crossing Park where you can spend a terrified night being hunted by “La Migra.” Under $20 per person!
H/T Huffington Post.
Maria Elena Salinas: ‘After 9/11, we’re all suspected terrorists’ (video)
Univision news anchor Maria Elena Salinas reflects on covering the attacks of September 11, 2001 and how that event affected the perception of immigrants in the U.S.
Comic Luke Torres loves La Gente: ‘Mexicans 101’ (video)
Stand-up comedian Luke Torres loves his family and his gente. Does his family seem like yours?
Son of immigrants takes the oath to become a ‘Pinche Migra’
(PNS reporting from EL PASO) The smell of grilled cebollas greeted visitors to a carne asada party in the back yard of the Lopez home in El Paso’s lower valley Saturday evening, as the family celebrated the graduation of the Lopez family’s prodigal son as a “Pinche Migra.”
José “Johnny” Marrufo completed the 58-day course at the United States Customs and Border Protection’s Border Patrol Academy located in Artesia, NM in July.
He graduated as a Border Patrol Agent and is now ready to detain his Mexican brethren.
“I feel happy that I will protect our border from terrorists and criminal aliens, some of whom are my relatives” the former Riverside High School third baseman told PNS.
Mas…Son of immigrants takes the oath to become a ‘Pinche Migra’
Pocho Ocho suggested names for new Nogales MIGRA robot
He’s artificially intelligent, muy guapo with dark hair and blue eyes, plus he speaks and understands Spanish and English. He also has a new, high-profile job with Tio Sam’s U.S. Customs and Border Protection Service interviewing people crossing into Los United Estates at Nogales, AZ (photo, above.)
What’s he missing aside from a body and an analog existence? This poor robovato needs a name; right now his bosses just refer to him as the AVATAR (Automated Virtual Agent for Truth Assessments in Real-Time.)
Here are the Pocho Ocho names we like best:
8. Mex Headroom
7. C3 Pito
6. Will Robinson
Joe the Plumber: Shoot the damn Canucks and ask questions later!
(PNS reporting from the HATE STATE OF ARIZONA) Samuel Wurzelbacher – known to most Americans as simply “Joe the Plumber” or “dumbass” – made an recent appearance at a fundraiser for Republican Arizona State Senator candidate Lori Klein and shocked the audience by telling them that the way to solve the country’s illegal Canadian immigration problem is to station troops along the northern border and have them “start shooting the damn snowbacks.”
“For years I’ve said, you know, put a damn fence on the border going to Canada and start shooting. I’m running for Congress and that should be a bad thing to say. But you know what, it’s how I feel…I want my borders protected, I’m very, very adamant about that. I’m sick of these snowbacks sneaking in here illegally!” Wurzelbacher said.
Mas…Joe the Plumber: Shoot the damn Canucks and ask questions later!
On the border, in the desert, nobody expects the ‘Zombie Migra’ (video)
They journeyed hundreds of miles to make a new life in a new land. They crossed borders, forded rivers and walked in the burning heat. But nobody expected the Zombie Migra!
Anti-terror WIN! Wrinkled AZ governor detained by U.S. Border Patrol
Quick-thinking U.S. Border Patrol agents, inspired by the skull-melting Arizona heat, have captured an elderly terrorist who was hell-bent on turning the vast wasteland known as Arizona into a vast radioactive wasteland.
Or was it the nation’s oldest living ex-governor, Raul Castro (photo,right), 96, who was detained at a border patrol checkpoint in the brutal Arizona morning heat after agents found he posed a “radiation risk” following his heart pacemaker operation?
Mas…Anti-terror WIN! Wrinkled AZ governor detained by U.S. Border Patrol
Arizona’s Sheriff Joe Arpaio launches own tequila brand
(PNS reporting from BOCADECACA, AZ) Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arapio is launching his own brand of tequila, Arpaio Viejo, he told random diners at Gallego’s Mexican Cafe here yesterday.
“I demand high standards for my office and my tequila,” Arpaio told the restaurant full of retirees from states that aren’t Arizona. “I was dissatisfied with the other options on the market, and at my favorite Mexican restaurant, so I decided to create my own.”
Arpaio’s brand will offer the traditional tequila styles of añejo, plata, and reposado — but that’s not all.
“Later in the year we introduce my super-premium line, called Arpaio Viejo 1070, aged 10 years in mesquite wood barrels in the desert, and then wrapped in pink chonies for seven more years of additional tempering. You know it’s ready to drink when you pull the cork and instead of breathing, it whimpers.” Arpaio said.
Ñewsweek: SCOTUS, SB1070, AZ, Obamacare and Mexican Mitt
GOP nominee wannabe Mexican Mitt Romney led off the chorus of this week’s reactioneers after the SCOTUS decisions on SB1070 and Obamacare. “We need to implement Labambacare for all Hispanics pronto!” he wrote in a special guest editorial.
Some Arizonans like the SB1070 decision — we have their reactions — but Chicago Congressman Luis Gutierrez ripped the decision to shreds on the floor of the House of Representatives — and we have the video.
Lots of ñews this past week on POCHO; here are our top stories:
Mas…Ñewsweek: SCOTUS, SB1070, AZ, Obamacare and Mexican Mitt
In the border badlands, it’s migrants vs vigilantes, hope vs hate (video)
Gustavo Aguilar and Juan Cabrera, Mexican day laborers alone in a Twilight Zone desert, are confronted by a screaming protest against illegal immigration. Ours is a world of mirage and illusion, they remind us, and you have to believe it to see it.
GOP seeks Hispanic vote, taps Seagal for ‘You’re Busted, Beaner!’
(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Republicans scared to death worried about the GOP’s ridiculously awful poor standing with Hispanic non-Mexican-American voters have launched an election-year scramble to put a better spin on their party’s immigration problem. Their solution? A TV reality show starring Hollywood flunkie and all-around jackass, Steven Seagal.
Seagal leads the list of C-level actors in You’re Busted, Beaner! a new Republican Party-backed reality series. Seagal stars as a cop who pursues “illegals” while promoting the GOP’s non-Mexican Hispanic-friendly agenda.
The show will be produced by Tinsel Town’s sole Republican, who prefers to remain anonymous.
Mas…GOP seeks Hispanic vote, taps Seagal for ‘You’re Busted, Beaner!’
California’s new official poetry man is Juan Felipe Herrera (video)
Gov. Jerry Brown has sworn in UC Riverside professor Juan Felipe Herrera as California’s Poet Laureate — the first Chicano to get the honor. In this video, Herrera reads his poem 187 reasons Mexicanos can’t cross the border. The poem illustrates the difference between Jerry Brown’s California and Jan Brewer’s Hate State of Arizona, where Mexican-American Studies are outlawed. Cali isn’t perfect, but at least we know where we came from.
ICE unveils first-ever resort-style hotel for immigrant detainees
(PNS reporting from DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEJAS) U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) is opening what they call the first-ever “resort-style hotel” for immigrant detainees.
Critics are calling the new Karnes County (TX) Civil Detention Center a “prison for profit” but ICE is marketing it as a migrant “destination” with “vast amenities” that will keep immigrant detainees coming back for more.
Mas…ICE unveils first-ever resort-style hotel for immigrant detainees
Rick Santorum’s Pocho Ocho political proposals
Although many are shocked by presidential pretender Rick Santorum’s proposal to consider statehood for Puerto Rico if it drops Spanish and espeaks English, it turns out this idea is only the newest of his Brainfarts Brainstorms for America.
Here are the Pocho Ocho:
8. Mexico’s Los Tigres del Norte will be offered citizenship if they lose their stripes
7. Jews get to go to Catholic Heaven if they stop being, you know, Jews
6. African-Americans get access to high-paying Wall Street jobs when they straighten out that hair thing
U.S. ‘gasbacks’ sneaking into Mexico for cheap fuel
(PNS reporting from TIJUANA) Soaring prices at the pump are sending Americans to El Otro Lado for a break on pricey petrol purchases, creating a furor over a new class of immigrants called “gasbacks.”
Mexican public opinion is all over map regarding the gas-guzzling gringos, who are pumping millions of dollares into Mexico by pumping millions of gallons of gas out of it.