Narco corridos are so over! El Chapo has a narco juego (video)


Was it inevitable? Nevertheless, here it is: El Chapo Fat ‘n’ Furious, a new smartphone video game.

We’ll let the creators tell the story:

In a 16-bits graphic vintage style, which perfectly syncs to the shifted-tone gameplay, the player finds himself in the shoes of El Chapo on the day of his escape. As he gets on his bike the mad rush begins!

Mas…Narco corridos are so over! El Chapo has a narco juego (video)

Pocho Ocho most amazing facts behind El Chapo’s daring escape

elchapomugshotThe daring prison escape of Mexican drug lord El Chapo Guzman Saturday has raised many questions. Why Saturday? Who dug the tunnel? How did they do it? How did they hide?

Here are Pocho Ocho Most Amazing Facts Behind El Chapo’s Escape we’ve unearthed so far:

8. Shoutout to Uber de Mexico for the fast pickup!

7. Strategic rest areas every 200 meters stocked with Red Bull and Takis

6. Extra guys at Home Depot got lucky that day

Mas…Pocho Ocho most amazing facts behind El Chapo’s daring escape

Pocho Ocho top questions asked before joining a Mexican cartel

narcobandKids these days know they have options and they want to make smart choices — and not only kids in the United Estates.

These are the Pocho Ocho top questions wannabe gangsters ask before joining a Mexican cartel:

8. Will beheading be on the final exam?

7. Soy vegetariano — is heart-eating mandatory?

6. Do I need to supply my own botas picudas?

Mas…Pocho Ocho top questions asked before joining a Mexican cartel

PETA: Quinoa vs chia cartel wars hurt Fido, Fluffy over Christmas

fidofluffy2(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) Fido and Fluffy have become collateral damage in the war between the rival QuinoaTraficante and ChiaTraficante agricultural cartels.

Recent attacks on Mexican chia seed production — apparently at the hands of rival-cartel-affiliated quinoa growers — have left thousands of local seed-deprived Chia Pets cold, shivering and hairless this Yuletide season, Texas People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) told PNS.

PETA said this includes Fido and Fluffy, of Barton Creek, pictured (above) in the organization’s latest Web ad.

Mas…PETA: Quinoa vs chia cartel wars hurt Fido, Fluffy over Christmas

Grand OM: ‘FOR THOSE’ who protested, for those they arrested (video)


This song and video is FOR THOSE, for those 43 kids who were “disappeared” in Mexico. It was filmed at their college, Rural Normal School Ayotzinapa, in Guerrero. Participants in the project, organized by graphic artists Grand OM, were musicians Lengualerta (México), Wally Warning (Aruba-Alemania), Ana Sol (Argentina), Dj Saeg (México) and Eduardo Morris (Argentina-Suiza). There’s more on their YouTube page.

There’s an audio version, too:

Mas…Grand OM: ‘FOR THOSE’ who protested, for those they arrested (video)

Good news? Gold tops cocaine as Peru’s top illegal export (video)


Peru, the world’s largest producer of cocaine, has a new booming illicit business: gold, according to FUSION:

Illegal gold mining has surged in the South American country, the world’s fifth biggest gold exporter. A new Univision Investigative report shows that the criminal organizations that traffic illegal drugs have diversified and are now in the business of trading the precious metal.

Mas…Good news? Gold tops cocaine as Peru’s top illegal export (video)

El Chapo Chronicles: Too many Guzmans confuse New Jersey Jews’ news

dudeballoonwrongguzman(PNS reporting from LAKEWOOD, NJ) The story was confusing for the few Ultra-Orthodox Jews who get their world news from The Lakewood Shopper, a free “penny saver” community weekly newspaper published here.

The Shopper mistakenly included a photo of actor Luis Guzman in a story about Mexico’s arrest of drug cartel kingpin Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman.

Mas…El Chapo Chronicles: Too many Guzmans confuse New Jersey Jews’ news

Mayan weed bombs scar U.S. field, Trekkies prepare for Apocalypse

Every day brings us closer to the End of the World as We Know It on December 21 (synchronize your chronometers with our MAYAN APOCALYPSE DOOMSDAY COUNTDOWN CLOCK in the right column.)

All over the Internets, extremely concerned Trekkies are banding together to wear “expendable red” jerseys on The Last Day, so they can “die as Mr. Gene Rodenberry intended.”

And policia stationed near San Luis, AZ found a freshly-plowed field on the American side of the Colorado River scarred by craters and dotted with payloads of Mayan Marijuana apparently shot by cannabis cannoneers using a pneumatic cannon.

Pneumatic cannon? Federales found an empty industrial-sized CO2 canister, presumably propellant, in their hood.

Mas…Mayan weed bombs scar U.S. field, Trekkies prepare for Apocalypse

Ñewsweek: The Chicano handshake, RATM, Bimbo ♥ Twinkie?

Make friends and influence people with a Chicano handshake?

That’s right, pochas y pochos, you too can reinforce your raza credibility with a puro handshake, as Subcommandanta del News Sara Inés Calderón demonstrates in her viral video. She illustrates the proper form for handshakes in Califas and Tejas plus throws in a variation that answers the musical question Why Can’t We Be Friends?

On the music front, Pocho Ñews Service Floridita Burro Jefe Santino J. Rivera takes a look at the contradiction between Rage Against the Machine’s message and some clueless fans’ love of the band. Hint: VP wannabe Paul Ryan isn’t the only doofus.

On the international business news beat, Subcommandante del Cultura Victor Payan blows the lid off the Republican effort to thwart the sale of bankrupt Hostess to Mexico’s Bimbo.  Revelations from the TwinkieLeaks website include this money quote from GOP guru Karl Rove: “They can have my DingDong when they pry it from my cold, dead hand.”

And New Jack City Burro Jefe Elise Roedenbeck illuminates the softer side of South America with the sad tale of a Peruvian girl and her llama —  a lament for lost youth, innocence and a little girl’s dreams.

These are top stories that broke the ñews on POCHO this week:

Mas…Ñewsweek: The Chicano handshake, RATM, Bimbo ♥ Twinkie?

Dead and more dead in the drug war and only ‘The Silence’ (video)


When the kids ask why all these people are dying in Mexico’s Drug War, what do you say? The unmistakable David Hidalgo of Los Lobos (with harmonies by Jackson Browne) sings of The Silence on this Los Cenzontles tune recorded by the veteran East Bay collective in L.A.’s Echo Park in February. Closing guitar solo by Eugene Rodriguez.

H/T Sam Quiñones via NewsTaco.com

Guns, drugs, a plane – three men on ‘La Cañada (The Cliff)’ [video]


La Cañada (The Cliff) A film by Carlo Corea. Spanish with English subtitles (Spanish dialog NSFW if people at work don’t like Spanish adult language.)

Emilio and Nicolás, two drug dealers, are filling up their private plane with packages of cocaine in the Mexican mountains when a peasant stumbles into their operation. The Indio asks for a ride to the other side of the cliff.

The decision divides Nico (the boss) and Emilio (his helper), who must face the consequences of their decisions.

Mas…Guns, drugs, a plane – three men on ‘La Cañada (The Cliff)’

Ñewsweek: Joe vs girl, Mitt vs you, Adidas steps in it, CT OKs MM

Happy End of Slavery Day. Enjoy your new shackles!

Arizona’s notorious Sheriff Joe Arpaio tried to save his flailing career with an arrest of a six-year-old cartel leader, GOP nominee wannabe Mitt Romney totally tripped over his tootsies again, the Nutmeg State joined the future for lonche with the approval of Medical Menudo (MM),  Adidas stepped in it big time with their slavery-themed sneakers and Facebook gave everyone a new finger.

These POCHO stories broke the news this week. We’ve got the links and more:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Joe vs girl, Mitt vs you, Adidas steps in it, CT OKs MM

Sheriff Joe arrests six-year-old girl suspected of leading cartel

Cártel de Elmo de Los Cookie Monster Ganga is notorious for its brutal den and kitchen invasion robberies according to Arpaio

(PNS reporting from SESAME STREET) On the same day that President Obama announced an immigration policy that will make it easier for young undocumented immigrants to remain in Los United Estates, Arizona’s numero uno douchebag, Sheriff Joe Arpaio, announced the arrest of a six-year-old girl suspected of leading the infamous Cártel de Elmo de Los Cookie Monster Ganga.

The Arizona Bugle reported that the girl was with 15 other cartel members who were traveling to the Midwest and northeast United States. Also arrested: Big Bird, Mr. Snuffleupagus, Prairie Dawn, Curly Bear, Bert, Grover and Guy Smiley. According to Chris Hegstrom, spokesman for the Sheriff’s Office, this is the “single biggest cartel bust” in Maricopa County history.

And even though the girl was old enough to get arrested, she was not old enough to have her name released, according to Hegstrom. “This is huge for us and for Joe – just huge. Arpaio is an expert when it comes to sleuthing dangerous things…like children and phony birth certificates.”

Mas…Sheriff Joe arrests six-year-old girl suspected of leading cartel

Drug cartel shoot-out recycling means big business for one border town

The Model Six plays the 'Steve Jobs chord'

(PNS reporting from BAJA NALGAS) The narcotraficante shoot-outs in this border town typically take 30 or 40 seconds. A discerning listener might notice — amid the screams, the pop-pop-pop of semiautomatic pistol fire and the distinctive rat-a-tat-tat of submachineguns — the jingle-jangle-jingle of spent brass cartridges hitting the street.

When the smoke clears, survivors, if any, are taken to the hospital and the dead are carted to the morgue. A city crew hoses off the blood and the police let traffic through.

And then the kids come — a pack of boys, tween scavengers. They methodically retrieve the brass shells left on the street and take them back to Guinchimes del Sud, a local manufacturer of wind chimes, where the spent 9mm pistol and AK-47 submachinegun ammunition “brass” is recycled into musical metal sculptures that get shipped to breeze buffs in America.

But as demand for wind chimes on the U.S. side of the Rio Culero improves, Guinchimes’ path to future success is blowing in the wind.

Mas…Drug cartel shoot-out recycling means big business for one border town

Mexican city bans Los Tigres for narcocorrido, actual narcos still OK


(PNS reporting from CHIHUAHUA) The New York Times reports that Mexican super group Los Tigres del Norte, dubbed the Metallica of Norteño Music, has been banned from performing in the state Chihuahua after they sang one of their popular narcocorridos at a cattle expo in Ciudad Juárez.

The band began a heavy rendition of La Reina del Sur — which details the life and exploits of drug trafficking legend Sandra Avila Beltran — but were quickly escorted offstage by portly Federales armed with stale churros.

Juarez Chief of Police Feo B. Sonso says that the city doesn’t mind actual narcos and their beheading tactics so much as it does bandas singing about them.

“Bandas? We don need no steenking bandas!” Sonso said.

Mas…Mexican city bans Los Tigres for narcocorrido, actual narcos still OK