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Breaking Ñews: San Bernardino teenager addicted to Takis

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(PNS reporting from SAN BERNARDINO) Mary Hernandez has a problem: she’s addicted to Takis. The 17-year-old Californian cannot get enough of the spicy imported Mexican corn chips.

“She eats Takis all the time instead of real food,” lamented her mother Laura, while stirring a pot of beans. “She needs real food; look — she’s getting too skinny!”

Hernandez, a senior at San Bernardino High School, said her Takiphilia began when a friend offered her “just a little taste” behind the gym after school. She snuck a bite and has been madly munching away since.

Mas…Breaking Ñews: San Bernardino teenager addicted to Takis

Corn tortilla achieves enlightenment on unattended Texas comal

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tortillas on a comal(PNS reporting from Edinburg, TX) A corn tortilla was released from its physical shell and achieved enlightenment last night when it was inadvertently consumed by fire during Gil Trejo’s dinner preparations.

The University of South Texas assistant professor of Latin American literature was heating the traditional Mexican flat bread to accompany leftover frijoles con queso when he became distracted by an intense scene in the sitcom How I Met Your Mother. He sat down in his living room, thoughtlessly leaving the comal unattended.

Alone, on the flat metal griddle, the tortilla de maiz burst into flames, releasing its essence from saṃsāra and leaving behind naught but the charred husk of its temporary shell.

Mas…Corn tortilla achieves enlightenment on unattended Texas comal

Oxnard man says ‘Hand of God’ saved family from salsa poisoning

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Jar of Herdez Salsa Casera(PNS reporting from OXNARD, CA) Sam Fuentes is certain he and his kids would be dead today if God hadn’t intervened.

“The Lord Almighty — with a strong hand and an outstretched arm — saved us from the Grim Reaper, that’s for sure!” the Del Norte businessman and father of two told PNS. “That salsa coulda killed us, but it didn’t.”

Fuentes called the POCHO ñewsroom tipline (408-POCHO-28) to share his story.

The brush with death by salsa, his voicemail said, began Sunday morning after church when he began preparing pot roast for his children Selena, 9, and Chente, 11, who were “his” over the weekend per terms of the custody agreement with his ex-wife Evangelina.

“I got the recipe right off the Internets from the Herdez gente. I trust Herdez Salsa Casera. I have toda confianza, just like the label says. It’s Mexico’s favorite and my mom always swore by it,” Fuentes said:

Mas…Oxnard man says ‘Hand of God’ saved family from salsa poisoning

Denver man’s shocking confession: ‘I prefer flour to corn tortillas’

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(PNS reporting from DENVER) Felix Garcia is out of the closet.  The Five Points resident called friends and family together yesterday to confess the secret he had kept hidden for so long:

I just didn’t want anyone to think I wasn’t Mexican enough. I mean, corn is OK and everything, but oh my God, a good flour tortilla is unlike anything else!

Long considered the more “authentic” tortilla, corn tortillas have been the favorites of Mexicans from Southern Mexico for centuries, as well as Chicanos interested in joining MEChA.

Advertising executive Garcia (photo)  spent most of his life feigning a preference for corn over flour, hoping that no one would notice his secret stash hidden in the deli drawer of the fridge, under the cold cuts, cream cheese and lox.

Mas…Denver man’s shocking confession: ‘I prefer flour to corn tortillas’

Pocho Ocho fascinating hidden powers of Latino food!

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Previously on POCHO:

But is that the end of the fascinating food factorama? No guey! Check out these eight other hidden powers of Comida Latina:

8. You can use beans to power a moped
7. Vegetarianism is a gateway to loose American values
6. Eating a boiled duck egg fetus cures impotence
5. You can help end world hunger by eating more, mijo

Mas…Pocho Ocho fascinating hidden powers of Latino food!

Food safety cops spot mysterious (Mexican?) CACA ‘intruder virus’

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Two modifications were found in chile DNA — are they a clue to the ‘intruder virus’ creator?

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) The anti-import National Food Safety Workshop (NFSW) here claims a dangerous foreign food virus is infecting Caucasian-American digestive systems nationwide.

The comida cops say the virus is spread by manipulating the DNA of four foods native to Mexico — chiles, avocado, corn and agave.

“We’re calling it the CACA Virus,” says NFSW chief researcher Dr. Creflo Smith-Buster. “It’s something we had hoped we’d never see – a genetically-modified steaming turd of an illegal alien scientific conundrum on the pristine white floor of an American lab.”

Mas…Food safety cops spot mysterious (Mexican?) CACA ‘intruder virus’

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