culo

Local PC user laments passing of Windows XP: ‘RIP, BSOD!’

by

xptattoo(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) “It’s a sad day, ese,” said Ray “Code Boy” Santos, OG founder of area hacker clika MS2 (MS.DOS). “I saw the Windows XP Blue Screen of Death (BSOD) so often, he was mi hermano.”

“We used the XP version of Excel to tweak the hydraulics of Felipe’s ranfla. And I used to have weird dreams about the 3D pipes screensaver,” he told PNS Thursday. “All we had for music in those days was pinche Winamp, carnal, and we liked it!”

Mas…Local PC user laments passing of Windows XP: ‘RIP, BSOD!’

New JLo Barbie Doll has no ass — Mattel blames high cost of plastic

by

barbiebutt(PNS reporting from NEW YORK CITY) The new Jennifer Lopez Barbie Doll has a suspicious lack of derriere, hurting Mattel’s effort to pander to cater to the young Latina market.

The outcry, mostly online, prompted Mattel to a hold real live press conference here Thursday to try and do some damage control.

“The steep increase in the cost of plastic is beyond the control of Mattel, or our manufacturers,” spokeswoman Elena Guajardo told reporters in a Trump Towers conference room, while an assistant Tweeted her remarks to the Internets.

“Due to global shortages of plastic and plastic precursors, Mattel was forced to reduce the amount used to manufacture the new JLo Barbie.”

The JLo Barbie was expected to help Mattel in the Latina market.

Previously, Mattel tried shaming young Latinas by presenting them with unrealistic blonde Barbies that promoted internalized oppression, but that approach was a sales flop.

Mas…New JLo Barbie Doll has no ass — Mattel blames high cost of plastic

Oxford: Big butt women are smarter, healthier *UPDATED w/ VIDEO

by


* An interview with the University of Oxford butt fat researcher [Updated 7:45 PM PDT Nov. 2, 2013.]

vander(PNS reporting from ENGLAND) Scientists at the University of Oxford have uncovered evidence that women with big butts are not only the most intelligent, but also the most resistant to chronic illnesses.

The study examined the fat accumulated in different parts of a woman’s body, and found that women with a phat ass were less likely to get diabetes, since they are more likely to produce hormones to metabolize sugar.

What’s more, women with big booties tended to have lower levels of cholesterol and fewer heart problems, according to the study.

We translated the Fafhoo Noticas report:

Women with a big butt, wide hips and a narrow waist can live longer, and even be more intelligent, since the Omega 3 fats stored in their butts support brain development.

Mas…Oxford: Big butt women are smarter, healthier *UPDATED w/ VIDEO

Breaking: Latina wins Nobel for discovery of Culo Quotient

by

culoquotient(PNS reporting from STOCKHOLM)  A Latina math professor was awarded the Nobel Prize in Mathematics Wednesday for her discovery of the mathematical relationship between dress dimensions and the bulbousness of the culo.

“It’s such a surprise! I was just trying to figure out how to shop for clothes that would fit me without making me look like a puta,” said Cal State L.A. Professor Rosie Carrasco, speaking to PNS from the kitchen of her mom’s house in East L.A.

Carrasco’s discovery — the Culo Quotient —  is a rigorous mathematical formula that uses the ratio of the length of a back of a a dress (typically shorter) and the length of the longer front of a dress to derive an accurate measurement of the size of the dress-wearer’s culo.

Her discovery was initially released on the Internet, before a movement sprung up to nominate her for the Nobel Prize.

She is the first Latina to win the prestigious award.

Mas…Breaking: Latina wins Nobel for discovery of Culo Quotient

PochoCast #2: Human WiFi hotspots, asteroids, satire and SXSW

by

Saturday Night Funnies! In our exciting and biting second podcast, POCHO’s Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz, Migrant Editor Al Madrigal and Subcommandanta del News Sara Inés Calderón talk about homeless human WiFi hotspots, an asteroid heading towards Earth, disaster preparedness (Al grows veggies) and the Austin GeekFiesta also known as SXSW (South By Southwest.) LOLs aplenty! (NSFW language.)

Podcast produced by Marcelo Ziperovich, Jefe de Creative, who also took these photos.