democratic

BREAKING: Bernie Bros’ exploding heads spur FBI zombie alert

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fbizombies(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) The FBI is warning citizens to be on the lookout for hungry zombies attracted by the brains spewed from the exploding heads of diehard Bernie Bros.

Bernie Sanders supporters’ brains, the Feds said, are piling up on the streets of gentrified neighborhoods across America.

The brainiac explosions followed Sanders’ endorsement of Democratic presidential nomination rival Hillary Clinton this morning.

“These zombies especially love the entitled taste of Bernie Bro brains,” FBI spokesman Whitman “Ken” Jump told a press conference here today (photo). “We’re calling them Zombros.“

Mas…BREAKING: Bernie Bros’ exploding heads spur FBI zombie alert

Pocho Ocho top lessons of the Iowa GOP caucuses (NSFW video)

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What can we learn from the Senator Ted Cruz (R-Canadia) victory Monday in the Iowa GOP caucuses? It’s time to support CANADIANS FOR PRESIDENT! [NSFW video, one F-bomb.]

And what else? How about the Pocho Ocho Top Lessons We Learned from the Iowa GOP Caucuses:

8. He who smelt it, dealt it.

7. If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a merry caucus.

6. I know you are, but what am I?

Mas…Pocho Ocho top lessons of the Iowa GOP caucuses (NSFW video)

Forget Big Bird! Meet Señor Loro, the Latino parrot candidate (video)

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From Los Titeres (the puppets): Don’t waste your vote on the phony mainstream yellow bird candidate until you consider wasting your vote on the Puppet Party’s Latino red parrot candidate — Señor Loro for Presidente! (Borderline NSFW language and a disturbing bird bigote.)

Video by Felix Pire. LosTiteresTV is on Facebook and on the Internets.

–Freelancer Junior Wences PhD writes by hand.