In the event of an actual emergency tune your device to a bugpest near you. [Image via the Internet, original artist unknown. Hella thanks, however!]
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Measure twice, hammer thrice: buffoon114 gets his hand nailed (video)
If you need to get the webbed skin between your thumb and index finger nailed to a wood plank in the backyard, make sure you do it like YouTube user buffoon114; call a professional with the proper tools, safety gear and mad carpentry skillz. (NSFW audio.)