family
The plastic yellow car, a (true?) story
“Okay, podemos ir a caminar pero si te cansas, es tu problema. No cargo bebes,” Lina says meanly to her four-year-old cousin.
“I’m not a baby!” says Teresita predictably but then insists on bringing her large plastic car, a hideous yellow contraption with giant painted eyeballs instead of headlights. Teresita gets in the toy car and looks at Lina expectantly. Lina sighs and begins to push her down the street.
“This is just a stroller, you know.” Lina grumbles. “You’re not making any progress into becoming a real person.”
Teresita either does not hear or pretends not to understand the English sentence. Lina suspects that rather than being a child “confused by the dichotomies of her bilingual upbringing” as the pre-school teacher suggested, that Teresita is just selectively deaf.
Area man doesn’t care what Cinco de Mayo is all about, yo!
(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Ruben Covarrubias astounded family and friends here Sunday night when he admitted that the history of Cinco de Mayo didn’t concern him and he’d always thought “May 5 was Mexican Independence Day, so like so what?!”
“I don’t care what it’s about, yo!” he told everyone within earshot of the backyard grill. “I just always celebrated it with MEChA and at school. Partay!”
Friends and family at the Covarrubias’ weekly carne asada were aghast. Some reconsidered whether they’d be driving back to El Sereno next week, multiple witness reported.
Mas…Area man doesn’t care what Cinco de Mayo is all about, yo!
POCHO wishes all you pochos a Merry Christmas (toon)
Merry Christmas from Los Pochodores: Lalo Alcaraz, Jefe-in-Chief; Dennis Wilen AKA Comic Saenz, Jefe de Content; Sara Inés Calderón, Subcommandanta del Ñews; Beto Mesta AKA Eres Nerd, Texas Burro Jefe; Elise Roedenbeck, New Jack City Burro Jefe (Emeritus); Celina Martinez, Food and Gwine Editor; Al Madrigal, Migrant Editor.
White Boy ChIcano (a poem)
It’s an identity crisis
My parents are Mexican migrants, who stay busy all the time
Spanish is my first language, then almost losing it because of time
My TV only showed Mexicans involved in crime
The stereotypes didn’t represent me
My school peers didn’t believe me
I wasn’t Mexican or White
Being a gringo and Mehican left me asking,
Who am I? Where do I belong to?
Pinche White Boy
Watch: Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Happy Father’s Day!
It’s a wonderful life for Dad on Father’s Day. Presents. Cards. He’s surrounded by his loving family. Let’s look a little closer…
American Jews: Maybe your grandparents were ‘illegals’ too (audio)
In my family, they say that Abuelo Abraham Saenz, wearing his WWI U.S. Army uniform, “smuggled” one of his sisters (photo, above) into the country via the Port of Philadelphia, wrapping the girl up in a fur coat so she looked like a rich lady.
The scheme was “dress to impress” so the MIGRA wouldn’t think to question her bonafides. She was illiterate, the story goes, and that wasn’t kosher for poor Jewish would-be immigrants from Ukraine in the early 1900s. The rich bitch trick worked, my great aunt got through immigration and everyone lived happily ever after.
Our family story, it turns out, isn’t unique. There were poor Jews who sneaked across the Mexican border near El Paso, and families smuggled in the cargo holds of ships packed with illegal Cuban rum during Prohibition.
Mas…American Jews: Maybe your grandparents were ‘illegals’ too (audio)
Shock confession! Local man doesn’t care what Cinco de Mayo is about
(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Ruben Covarrubias astounded family and friends here Sunday night when he admitted that the meaning of Cinco de Mayo didn’t concern him and he’d always thought “May 5 was Mexican Independence Day, so like so what?!”
“I don’t care what it’s about,” he told everyone within earshot of the backyard grill. “I just always celebrated it with MEChA and at school. Partay!”
Friends and family at the Covarrubias’ weekly carne asada were aghast. Some reconsidered whether they’d be driving back to El Sereno next week, multiple witness reported.
Mas…Shock confession! Local man doesn’t care what Cinco de Mayo is about
Mexican immigrants wash Chicago’s glass houses in ‘Paraíso’ (video)
Dangling from ropes on the sides of Chicago’s tallest skyscrapers, a crew of immigrant Mexican window washers faces death every working day. That’s why they embrace life. They’re both Paradise (Paraíso.) [Spanish with English subtitles.]
Breaking: Hundreds expected Friday at Mexico’s Xochitl Games
(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) Hundreds of competitors and an equal number of spectators are expected for the opening of the first Xochitl Games here tomorrow.
The so-called “Indigenous Olympics,” organized by the Nahuatl Athletic Council Organization (NACO), hopes to share some of the buzz from the regular Winter Olympics, in Sochi.
NACO is especially counting on people who are unsure how to spell the name of the Black Sea resort city in the Google search window, or even better, can’t spell when booking airplane and hotel reservations through Travelocity.
Mas…Breaking: Hundreds expected Friday at Mexico’s Xochitl Games
George Lopez cartoon comedy ‘Órale #Chingón La Vida’ (NSFW video)
Is George Lopez just as funny when he’s a cartoon? POCHO blogs, you decide! [NSFW adult language.]
PREVIOUSLY ON GEORGE LOPEZ:
Mas…George Lopez cartoon comedy ‘Órale #Chingón La Vida’ (NSFW video)
Mijo, these Tenis are nice, pero solamante uso Botas
Muchas gracias for the regalos de mi Cumple! I thought the libros were great. Is this the book about that show on HBO con los lobos? We don’t watch HBO much porque tu Mom sees her Novelas y esa muchacha Rachel Maddow. Se enoja after watching her program. Va hacer volunteer con la guera, Wendy Davis. Dice qu no vieno a este país para que sus hijas no tenga oportunidades.
Pero, tu sabes I like leyendo better than seeing la Tele. Mijo, internet surfing counts as reading! A mi me gusta leer los periódicos en Mexico y el New York Times. Si, tambien leo el Perez Hilton. Mijo, I don’t have to be reading Enrique Krauze todo el tiempo.
POCHO wishes you a Merry Christmas (toon)
Merry Christmas from the Pochodores: Lalo Alcaraz, Jefe-in-Chief; Dennis Wilen AKA Comic Saenz, Jefe de Editorial; Sara Inés Calderón, Subcommandanta del Ñews; Victor Payan, Subcommandante de la Cultura; Beto Mesta AKA Eres Nerd, Texas Burro Jefe; Santino J. Rivera, Florida Burro Jefe; Elise Roedenbeck, New Jack City Burro Jefe (Emeritus); Melanie Ruiz, Director of Marketing; Al Madrigal, Migrant Editor.
Pocho Ocho signs you grew up in a Mexican family/household
Here is a listicle partially inspired by a mas longer listicle on BuzzFeed, because they are the listicle professionals, tu sabes.
¡Mira! The Pocho Ocho signs you grew up in a Mexican household/family:
8. Virgen de Guadalupe veladoras.
7. Your first introduction to dramatic acting was a telenovela.
6. You always wondered why gringos celebrated Cinco de Mayo more than your family.
5. You can recognize the Aztec princess Iztaccihuatl AND the warrior Popocateptl (photo) on sight.
Mas…Pocho Ocho signs you grew up in a Mexican family/household
POCHO Estaff Reports: Mi casa? Real Thanksgiving turkeys!
POCHO’s Especial Correspondents spread out across America to celebrate Thanksgiving and sent in notes about their day. Some names were changed to avoid unpredictable results. Read their stories and share your own in the comments!
- Homeboy in East Los: My family’s so Mexican we carved the turkey with a switchblade ·IN MEMORY of SMILEY·
- Dateline, Austin: MEChA cousin Xochiloctl is in the living room refusing to eat turkey and playing Grand Theft Auto 5 instead.
- Nancy in Santana, the O.C.: That awkward moment when three-year-old Cousin Ricardo makes a big announcement that everybody better finish their plates because Mommy spent the whole day cooking the dog.
Mas…POCHO Estaff Reports: Mi casa? Real Thanksgiving turkeys!
Arcade Fire’s new video ‘Afterlife’ is awesome and full of Raza
It’s new, and awesome, and Raza-filled. Check it out.
Even ‘El Macho’ the dog can’t resist the matriarchy (video)
La niña brings a puppy home — a male doggie just for Daddy. But in a household run by women, it’s hard for the guys to hold on to what they’ve got.
PREVIOUSLY ON PERRO LATINO:
Mas…Even ‘El Macho’ the dog can’t resist the matriarchy (video)
Mom puts cross on son’s front lawn to mark another failed relationship
(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) Sara Maestas placed a two-foot-high cruz on her only son’s lawn early this morning — a cross in remembrance of his latest failed relationship.
The 32-year-old transactional lawyer got dumped Saturday night by his novia, less than 20 minutes after he blew off a dinner date. And now his mother’s white polystyrene cross, adorned with flowers, sits front and center on Benjamin Maestas’ lawn in Montrose.
Just before a scheduled 6 PM Saturday rendezvous at Hugo’s Regional Mexican Cuisine, girlfriend Vicki Gardea got a text from Maestas saying he couldn’t meet due to “a short deadline to close on a shopping center for a multinational client.”
Mas…Mom puts cross on son’s front lawn to mark another failed relationship
Breaking: Royal baby boy looks a bit familiar somehow (photo)
(PNS reporting from LONDON) Normally perky Buckingham Palace Her Majesty’s Parking Valet Reymundo Hernandez Terraza was uncharacteristically quiet today after the birth of Prince William and Kate Middleton’s new baby boy, although some friends of the royal servant noticed he sported a “secret smile.”
Some Palace observers have remarked on the newborn’s apparent slight suntan, attributing the child’s skin tone to Britain’s recent heat wave, when temperatures soared into the high 60s.
Mas…Breaking: Royal baby boy looks a bit familiar somehow (photo)
The Latino Shopper: You probably think this vid is about you
ZOMG! They made a video about mi gente, The Latino Shopper? About how we are unique and have a special sensual way of Latino shopping? Because, after all, all Latinos are the same! That’s right, Hispanics, too! Does this video have clip art, arrows and zoomy sound effects? Perky gabacho announcer? ¡Orale! I am so there!
Pocho Gothic (toon)
One picture is worth a thousand words. This illustration begs the question, “Are you looking at me?” [Painting by Mike Madrid]
Walt Disney, Inc. wants to trademark ‘Dia de los Muertos’ (toon)
The Walt Disney Company filed several trademark applications last week with the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO.GOV) to secure the name “Dia de Los Muertos” as a service mark.
Mas…Walt Disney, Inc. wants to trademark ‘Dia de los Muertos’ (toon)
Stone Oak woman claims family spat was due to ‘pura envidia’
(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) The recent loud family dispute at her home here was due to “pura envidia” on the part of her husband’s people, according to Adelia Lázaro.
“They are just envidiosos because we have worked hard to have this mock-Tudor home in Stone Oak closer to the north side than them,” the San Antonio native and mother of three told PNS.
“They just want what we have and can’t be happy for us!”
Mas…Stone Oak woman claims family spat was due to ‘pura envidia’
The Guzman Show: Tio Lucho discovers el Feosbook (NSFW video)
Life with the Guzman family was already crazy, and then masked uncle Tio Lucho learned about Facebook in his ESL class. Will the Internets ever be the same? (NSFW language.)
Mi corazón esta con mi gente, my heart is with my people
My heart is with my people as I await my procedure.
I await my procedure, Mi Gente. I await it this overcast Sunday morning, surrounded by the bells of the Churches, by my Angels, and the people whom I love. Yeah, I ended up in the hospital the other night. Which one….does not matter. I know people here, Mi Gente is here, and I make friends kinda easy, too.
I just got the word about a lady, who comes into the area, every Saturday, to sell her homemade tamalitos. I know where she will be next Saturday, she and her esposo. And I plan to be there, too.
I am going to get my tamalito de rajas, my fave. Maybe I’ll carry the travel coffee deal my sister gave us. Too cool for school. And I’ll bring my “whatta chair” and hang out in the area, under the beautiful trees, and see mis amigos e amigas.
Mas…Mi corazón esta con mi gente, my heart is with my people
Sandra Ramos O’Briant – ‘Chile Tales: The Green Addiction’
Philosophers have often looked for the defining feature of humans — language, rationality, culture and so on. I’d stick with this: Man is the only animal that likes Tabasco sauce.
########
In Texas, when my parents were still married, we ate fried chicken, mashed potatoes laden with cream gravy, green beans flavored with bits of bacon and buttery light biscuits. Every item on the menu had its own serving dish, and cloth napkins were always used.
“May I have another biscuit, ma’am?” I would say.
“You surely may, Sandra Mae,” my daddy’s mama would reply and everyone would smile. Or we’d have fried pork chops and suck on the salty bones, but only when it was just my mama and me at the dinner table.
In Texas, there were black-eyed peas and ham and all manner of greens and put-up preserves. There was watermelon and homemade ice cream from the hand-crank ice-cream maker. Daddy held a bourbon and water in one hand, and turned the handle with the other, while Mama and my daddy’s mama drank iced tea on the back porch and exchanged polite insults. My grandma didn’t like it that Daddy had married a Mexican.
Mas…Sandra Ramos O’Briant – ‘Chile Tales: The Green Addiction’
It’s OK to like ‘ass & titties,’ but sharing on Facebook? (NSFW video)
YouTuber Oh Em Gee It’s Eddie G has some good advice for all you Facebook people. Liking is one thing, sharing is something else entirely. (NSFW language.)
New from ‘Rescue Wife’: ‘She’s Trying to Tell Us Something’ (video)
Ward, something is bothering the Beave. Wait, that’s not right. What? Lassie? What’s wrong, girl?
‘Maria la roach killer’ is very bad news for young Roachie (video)
It’s a scary day for the Roach family that lives in the wall. Maria la Roach Killer, equipped with an industrial-strength chancla, is on an anti-bug mission — and impetuous young Roachie Roach won’t listen to warnings from his mom. [Video by Haldun Morgan.]
MORE from Haldun Morgan:
Mas…‘Maria la roach killer’ is very bad news for young Roachie (video)
This week on ‘Rescue Nanny 911’: The naughty adopted child (video)
Terry Morales is a hard-working dad and doesn’t spend as much time with his family as he should. Stay-at-home spouse Kerry Morales feels alone, under-appreciated and overwhelmed. And 12-year-old adopted son Tyrollo Morales is “acting out.” Time to call Rescue Nanny 911! (NSFW.)
Mas…This week on ‘Rescue Nanny 911’: The naughty adopted child (video)
Exposed! MTV’s Satanic-Masonic War on Christmas (video)
Oh sure, the MTV spot looks like your average Lame Stream Media pandering Christmas-related promo — until you look a little bit closer. Then you see that it’s really a commercial for the Devil!