god
Pocho Ocho top Aztec deities we could sure use today
In these troubled times, God[ess] knows, we could use some help from indigenous, culturally-appropriate deities.
Here are the Pocho Ocho top Aztec gods we could sure use today:
8. Chingilipochtli, god of payback
7. Guautemoc, god of amazement and wonder
6. Spocktezuma, god of living long and prospering tambien
Why does it rain in Mexico but not the Middle East? (video)
We’re not climate scientists but we’re pretty sure it rains a lot more in Mexico than in, say, Saudi Arabia. Here’s why.
PREVIOUSLY ON TELEVISION:
Mas…Why does it rain in Mexico but not the Middle East? (video)
Pope: ‘Quakes are message from God: Let there be gay’
(PNS reporting from VATICAN CITY) The recent earthquakes in Southern California are a message from God, according to Pope Francis. The Almighty, he told a visiting delegation of American Catholics Monday, will shake things up until they are more gay.
“Lord knows this mortal world needs some bright flashes of color that aren’t suicide bomb explosions in crowded markets,” the Pontiff said.”And maybe some marigold-print cafe curtains in that drab nook over there.”
Whitest Kids U Know: Hey, kids, aren’t you lucky?! (music video)
Aren’t You Lucky to be born in the only place that always gets it right? The Whitest Kids U Know sing.
Gangster Computer God Worldwide Secret Containment Policy (video)
Don’t say we didn’t tell you – especially the part about the brain bank cities on the dark side of the Moon! (NSFW language.)
Pocho Ocho reasons God Almighty loves Republicans
It’s no secret that God (photo, right) loves Republicans, even if you didn’t hear it over and over last night on TV.
Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons why:
8. He banks offshore, too
7. Pat Robertson always blames His storms on liberals
6. Funny, you don’t look Jewish!
Pat Robertson: Tropical storm is God’s warning to Godless God-mockers
(PNS reporting from VIRGINIA) Rev. Pat Robertson told viewers of his 700 Club last night that Tropical Storm Isaac’s assault on the GOP National Convention in Florida is a warning to sinners.
“You goddam shit-for-brains idiots better pay some goddam attention or our Lord and Savior is gonna whip your sorry asses,” Robertson said. “Do you douchebags really think Our Father Who Art In Heaven will let you get away with this shit?”
“Jesus is cheesed the fuck off!” he told the estimated one million viewers of his Christian Broadcasting Network religious talk show. “Our glorious vengeful God is as angry as a hornet in a henhouse. He’s up in Heaven high, saying, ‘You little pussies, you don’t hate the homos enough! You let ’em get married ‘n’ shit? You are slacking off. I will now drown you. Enjoy the flood, mothafuckas!'”
“I’m talking to you, bitches!” he added.
Mas…Pat Robertson: Tropical storm is God’s warning to Godless God-mockers
Secret New Hampshire: They lie about origins, talk funny and hate God
(PNS reporting from NEW ENGLAND) New Hampshire is the small Yanqui state where Republicans vote today in a primary election. When tonight’s results come in, remember where they’re coming from – a jurisdiction where people live a lie, talk in a dialect devoid in rhoticity and don’t go to church like other Americans!
These are the secrets of the Granite State:
- First: They’re not from Hampshire. Unlike New Mexico, where 46% of the population claims roots across the border, only 17.6% of New Hampshire residents trace their ancestry back to England, let alone the English county of Hampshire.
Mas…Secret New Hampshire: They lie about origins, talk funny and hate God