gop

This is your anti-immigrant GOP House of Representatives on GIFs

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judiciaryheader

From the party who brought you

REPUBLICAN LETTER TO IRAN!

No shit. We grabbed all the text and images from your House Judiciary Committee’s website as soon as we saw it so we could present it to you in all its animated GIF-y wonder. We made it better, though, since the GOP geeks apparently don’t know how to resize GIFS, even though they’re all GIFs of white people! And they do not — I REPEAT DO NOT — like President Obama’s executive actions on immigration.

This webpage is called “AT THE FLICK OF A SWITCH”

¡Mira!

Mar 18 2015

1. Right now, one single person – the President of the United States – can turn off the enforcement of our immigration laws unilaterally. For real.

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Mas…This is your anti-immigrant GOP House of Representatives on GIFs

Texas Senator Ted Cruz’ Pocho Ocho top legislative proposals

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tedcruzdonkeyhoteySenator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has reintroduced legislation to take away federal benefits from same-sex married couples. But this troglodyte’s penedjitis is too advanced to stop at one stupid and hateful idea.

That’s right, there’s more — Ted Cruz’s Pocho Ocho Top Legislative Priorities for 2015:

8. Federal guidelines on subsidized school lunches for poor children shall encourage incorporation of nutritious roadkill meat, especially racoon. Now yer ‘coon is a touch on the greasy side, not sweet like ‘possum, but if you cook ’em up right, mmmmmmm, racoon!

7. Women banned from buying condoms because it curtails a Man’s Right to Reproduce.

6. Solar energy outlawed because it sucks the light right out of the Sun.

Mas…Texas Senator Ted Cruz’ Pocho Ocho top legislative proposals

Pocho Ocho top rules Republicans think you should be able to ignore

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SENATORSCiting the burden of compliance with “big government,” Senator Thom Tills (R-North Carolina) (photo) would let restaurants “opt out” of regulations requiring employees to wash their hands before returning to work.

This isn’t the only rule Tills would eliminate, and he isn’t the only Republican with this opinion. These are the Pocho Ocho top rules the GOP thinks we should ignore:

8. I before E, except after C

7. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself

6. Mind the gap

Mas…Pocho Ocho top rules Republicans think you should be able to ignore

Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s State of the Union gave us a sad

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barackonDespite the his many significant accomplishments and chingon new proposals, we were disappointed by what President Obama didn’t say at Tuesday night’s State of the Union address.

Here are the Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s SOTU gave us a sad:

8. Still no federal funding for Flying Trocas research.

7. Didn’t announce plan to make Ted Cruz first U.S. ambassador to Cuba.

6. No tax cuts for tamale entrepreneurs, thus no Pedro Herrera III in the audience to give a shout out to.

Mas…Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s State of the Union gave us a sad

Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union

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obamabackWashington insiders all know tonight’s State of the Union address — like every one before — will bring a few surprises.

We asked around town, and our peeps say these are the top eight to watch for:

8. First use of the Booger-Cam™ captures candid live video of bored Republicans

7. Warmup act Oprah Winfrey to Congress: “You get a drone…and you get a drone. Everybody gets a drone!”

6. Obama cruises to the Capitol in a clean 1953 Packard limousine, a gift from the people of Cuba

Mas…Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union

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