[Toon mashed up from the Internets. Original source unknown.]
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Texas Senator Ted Cruz’ Pocho Ocho top legislative proposals
Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has reintroduced legislation to take away federal benefits from same-sex married couples. But this troglodyte’s penedjitis is too advanced to stop at one stupid and hateful idea.
That’s right, there’s more — Ted Cruz’s Pocho Ocho Top Legislative Priorities for 2015:
8. Federal guidelines on subsidized school lunches for poor children shall encourage incorporation of nutritious roadkill meat, especially racoon. Now yer ‘coon is a touch on the greasy side, not sweet like ‘possum, but if you cook ’em up right, mmmmmmm, racoon!
7. Women banned from buying condoms because it curtails a Man’s Right to Reproduce.
6. Solar energy outlawed because it sucks the light right out of the Sun.
Mas…Texas Senator Ted Cruz’ Pocho Ocho top legislative proposals
Pocho Ocho top rules Republicans think you should be able to ignore
Citing the burden of compliance with “big government,” Senator Thom Tills (R-North Carolina) (photo) would let restaurants “opt out” of regulations requiring employees to wash their hands before returning to work.
This isn’t the only rule Tills would eliminate, and he isn’t the only Republican with this opinion. These are the Pocho Ocho top rules the GOP thinks we should ignore:
8. I before E, except after C
7. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself
6. Mind the gap
Mas…Pocho Ocho top rules Republicans think you should be able to ignore
Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s State of the Union gave us a sad
Despite the his many significant accomplishments and chingon new proposals, we were disappointed by what President Obama didn’t say at Tuesday night’s State of the Union address.
Here are the Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s SOTU gave us a sad:
8. Still no federal funding for Flying Trocas research.
7. Didn’t announce plan to make Ted Cruz first U.S. ambassador to Cuba.
6. No tax cuts for tamale entrepreneurs, thus no Pedro Herrera III in the audience to give a shout out to.
Mas…Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s State of the Union gave us a sad
Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union
Washington insiders all know tonight’s State of the Union address — like every one before — will bring a few surprises.
We asked around town, and our peeps say these are the top eight to watch for:
8. First use of the Booger-Cam™ captures candid live video of bored Republicans
7. Warmup act Oprah Winfrey to Congress: “You get a drone…and you get a drone. Everybody gets a drone!”
6. Obama cruises to the Capitol in a clean 1953 Packard limousine, a gift from the people of Cuba
Mas…Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union
New GOP-controlled Congress’ Pocho Ocho top policy priorities
The GOP-controlled Senate and 114th Congress got to work Tuesday (photo, above) and the Republicans were quick to announce their plans for America.
Here are their Pocho Ocho top policy priorities:
8. No tax cut left behind
7. Read my lips: No new Mexis
6. All about the race
Mas…New GOP-controlled Congress’ Pocho Ocho top policy priorities
This Tweet just in from @MexicanMitt Romney (photo)
BUY MY BOOK BEECHES, IT'S FINALLY PRICED FOR MEXICANS pic.twitter.com/wwf6AT0V7q
— Mexican Mitt Romnee (@MexicanMitt) December 29, 2014
Pocho Ocho top immigration actions Obama will reveal tonight
President Barack Obama will defy Republican haters tonight and reveal “executive actions” to “fix the broken immigration system.”
Our sources at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue have shared a copy of the 5 PM EST speech and we can now reveal the Pocho Ocho top immigration reforms you’ll hear in the President’s address to the Nation:
8. If Central American child refugees can pat their heads and rub their tummies at the same time, they can cut in line.
7. Families of DREAMers are OK to stay if they mow the lawn.
6. Badges, stinking or otherwise, no longer needed.
Mas…Pocho Ocho top immigration actions Obama will reveal tonight
Rosebud Sioux Nation: Keystone XL Pipeline Vote is ‘Act of War’
Last week’s vote to approve the controversial Keystone XL pipeline by the Republican-controlled United States House of Representatives constitutes an “act of war” and a “death warrant,” according to the South Dakota Rosebud Sioux (Lakota) Nation, Lakota Voice Rez News reported Friday.
Tribal President Cyril L. Scott rebuked the House, according to Rez News:
The House has now signed our death warrants and the death warrants of our children and grandchildren. The Rosebud Sioux Tribe will not allow this pipeline through our lands. We are outraged at the lack of intergovernmental cooperation. We are a sovereign nation and we are not being treated as such. We will close our reservation borders to Keystone XL. Authorizing Keystone XL is an act of war against our people.
Mas…Rosebud Sioux Nation: Keystone XL Pipeline Vote is ‘Act of War’
Jubilant Republican spokesman trumpets GOP victory (video)
In the jungle, the Washington jungle, the donkey fears tonight.
Meet the American Nazis who protect our US-Mexico border (video)
These Nazis wear swastikas and call themselves National Socialists, sure, but they’re not really socialists. They’re more nationalists, really, supporting the White Nation. All they want to do is to save America from the loser and quitter immigrants who gave up on their home countries to invade the U.S. of A. After all, integration was forced on the White Man at the point of a bayonet. White people get racially profiled too, you know.
Mas…Meet the American Nazis who protect our US-Mexico border (video)