gop

Ñewsweek: Lopez vs Arpaio, ‘Dark Knight’ toon and Comic-Con pics

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It was the best of ñewsweeks, it was the worst of ñewsweeks. It was a week of wisdom, it was a week of foolishness.

  • The Best: On HBO, George Lopez told Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio WTF he really thinks of him and the offended officer challenged the comic to a face-to-face discussion of the issues.
  • The Worst: The Aurora shooting raised a bat signal for gun control.

We’ve got the uncensored Lopez/Arpaio videos, the Lalo Alcaraz ‘Dark Knight’ cartoon that went viral and Comic-Con photos you won’t see anywhere else.

But wait, there’s more!

Mas…Ñewsweek: Lopez vs Arpaio, ‘Dark Knight’ toon and Comic-Con pics

Mexclusive: Romney’s VP short list is now down to three names

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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) Mitt Romney’s list of potential vice presidential running mates is now down to three finalists, campaign insiders report:

  • Wei Chen, Chengdu, Sichuan, China
  • Sadashiv Gupta, Mumbai, Maharashtra, India
  • Ester Ramirez, San Antonio, San Miguel, El Salvador

All three offer various strengths to Romney.

Highly energetic Wei Chen is currently employed at the Foxconn plant in Chengdu, and makes iPads, although he has never seen the complete product.

“I wake up, go to work for 14 hours, then I go back home and go to bed, wake up and do it again,” says Chen, 25. “Being Mitt Romney’s running mate would be a welcome change to my schedule, and perhaps stifle my thoughts of suicide.”

Mas…Mexclusive: Romney’s VP short list is now down to three names

Shocking Rush Limbaugh claim! President Obama is ‘The Darkie Knight’

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(PNS reporting from DITTOSTAN) Just a day after revealing that The Dark Knight Rises villain ‘Bane’ is actually Mitt Romney, Rush Limbaugh has uncovered  even more insidious left-wing propaganda in the eagerly-anticipated film:

The movie, Limbaugh told his radio audience, is part of the Kenyan Socialist media conspiracy and President Obama is “The Darkie Knight.”

“Friends, I am sitting here today in the EIB studio and I have to tell you, I am really, really, realllllly high. Have you guys seen this movie, what’s it called? Yeah, The Dark Knight? Wow…just wow…folks, it’s a real liberal whammy, OK? Uncle Rushbo is giving it to you straight here – I’ve seen the darkie knight and his name is Obama. Hang on a second, folks, I have to play with myself again,” Limbaugh said during yesterday’s program.

Mas…Shocking Rush Limbaugh claim! President Obama is ‘The Darkie Knight’

Ñewsweek: Mexican Mitt, NAACP, Craig Romney, ’50 Shades of Brown’

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GOP wannabe Mexican Mitt Romney tried his very best to appeal to the Colored People at their National Association’s annual convention; we’ve got the transcript.

And son Craig Romney tried his very best to appeal to Latinos in a Spanish-language ad for his dad. We translated the commercial for the Ingles-espeaking masses.

The publishing world looks to appeal to the hot and fiery soft-porn-loving Latina book-buying public with the upcoming Fifty Shades of Brown.  Can Big Books, Inc. tie up the mujeres’ market?

These big POCHO stories topped the exciting reportage roster that broke the ñews this week and here are the links:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Mexican Mitt, NAACP, Craig Romney, ’50 Shades of Brown’

Transcript: Mexican Mitt Romney’s speech to the NAACP

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Mexican Mitt Romney just spoke to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People convention in Houston, TX and we have the transcript:

—BEGIN TRANSCRIPT—

Thank you, NAACP for the invitation to espeak here, and Bishop Graves for your introduction. Thanks also to President Ben Jealous and your weird last name.

Good mornings, black humans. I am Mexican Mitt Romney. I know it is crazy to speak to you here at the NAACP, but guatever.

I will not be the Presidente for only the East Coast, or the West Coast. I do not believe in your geographic gang rivalries. I want to be the Presidente for all the people, but mainly the rich people. I know you already have Black Reagan as your Presidente, but hear me out.

Tomorrow Vice President Joe Biden will speak before you, please do not let him drink a 40-ouncer before he comes onstage, just sayin’. I won’t let any special interests like black people get in the way, whoops, that’s from my GOP nomination speech.

Mas…Transcript: Mexican Mitt Romney’s speech to the NAACP

Quinceañera GOP fundraiser planned for princess Ann Romney

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(PNS reporting from LOS ANGELES) Greater Los Angeles Hispanic Republicans (GLAHR) will host a fundraiser Sunday for the GOP nominee wannabe Mitt Romney — a gala named after his wife: Ann’s Quinceañera.

The campaign event, patterned on a Mexican girl’s coming of age celebration, will celebrate Ann Romney as quinceañera. Tickets are available from GLAHR for a $1,500 donation, while padrino sponsorships are available starting at $15,000.

“This is an opportunity for the Hispanic community to get to know Ann and Mitt, and for us to give Ann the quinceañera that she never had,” GLAHR president, Louis Barba — also padrino of the cake — told PNS.

Ann Romney already had her dress fitting at Memories Boutique in Santa Ana, CA. “Every girl wants to be a princess on her quince, and Ann, well, really is like an actual Mormon-American princess,” store owner Minerva Gallegos, la madrina del vestido, said in a phone interview.

Mas…Quinceañera GOP fundraiser planned for princess Ann Romney

Ñewsweek: SCOTUS, SB1070, AZ, Obamacare and Mexican Mitt

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GOP nominee wannabe Mexican Mitt Romney led off the chorus of this week’s reactioneers after the SCOTUS decisions on SB1070 and Obamacare. “We need to implement Labambacare for all Hispanics pronto!” he wrote in a special guest editorial.

Some Arizonans like the SB1070 decision — we have their reactions — but Chicago Congressman Luis Gutierrez ripped the decision to shreds on the floor of the House of Representatives — and we have  the video.

Lots of ñews this past week on POCHO;  here are our top stories:

Mas…Ñewsweek: SCOTUS, SB1070, AZ, Obamacare and Mexican Mitt

Mexican Mitt Romney: Latinos need Labambacare, pronto!

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This is a terrible day for illness and disease. Obamacare being upheld by those activist judges at the Supremes Court is making me sicker than the time I tried McDonald’s experimental “Birria Burger.”

Thank God it was Available for a Limited Time Only.

The Republican Party is the only party looking out for disease! Diseases are people, my friends. Especially Jan Brewer.

This ruling upholding Obamacare is wrong for Amercia, and really messes up my campaign for President. However, things are not terminal yet.

I vow on my Day Juan in office as Presidente Romney, to repeal Obamacare (AKA Romneycare) and replace it with Romneydoesntcare.

Romneydoesntcare is modeled on the health system we had before, which was, “rich people pay cash for healthcare, and everyone else can go pound pupusas.”

Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney: Latinos need Labambacare, pronto!

Brave right-wing bloggers expose Obummer’s ‘Operation Fork & Furious’

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The fearless frackers at the dead Breitbart blog (screen capture, right) are all outraged about a so-called “security action” before the President’s speech last week at the NALEO conference:

Judging from Obama’s actions at this years National Association of Latino Elected Officials (NALEO) luncheon, Obama’s newest fear is Latinos with forks. Obama had the Secret Service confiscate all the dinner forks from the participants at the June 22 event held in Orlando, Florida.

Hats off,  Breitbarfers! You discovered a new conspiracy where none existed before, and you didn’t have to use deceptively-edited video to make your fake-ass point.

Mas…Brave right-wing bloggers expose Obummer’s ‘Operation Fork & Furious’

Ñewsweek: Joe vs girl, Mitt vs you, Adidas steps in it, CT OKs MM

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Happy End of Slavery Day. Enjoy your new shackles!

Arizona’s notorious Sheriff Joe Arpaio tried to save his flailing career with an arrest of a six-year-old cartel leader, GOP nominee wannabe Mitt Romney totally tripped over his tootsies again, the Nutmeg State joined the future for lonche with the approval of Medical Menudo (MM),  Adidas stepped in it big time with their slavery-themed sneakers and Facebook gave everyone a new finger.

These POCHO stories broke the news this week. We’ve got the links and more:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Joe vs girl, Mitt vs you, Adidas steps in it, CT OKs MM

Mitt Romney and Latinos: Something has gone wrong *UPDATED

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Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz commented on this story for NBC Latino *UPDATED 6/22

The Mitt Romney presidential campaign, both online and offline, is the gang that can’t shoot straight.

From the Mitt Romney mobile app that spells “America” as “Amercia” to the RNC Latino outreach poll that Obama won, and the ignorant use of a stock photo of Asian kids as Latino kids, the Romney GOP Presidential campaign seems to be run by an Amish IT team.

On June 19, a tipster sent POCHO the url to www.mittromney.com/latinos, and when we typed it in, we got this simply hilarious clip art donkey 404 page. (Get it? the Democratic donkey indicates an error! Priceless.) along with the prescient message that pretty much sums up Mitt Romney’s and the Republicans predicament with Latinos, “SOMETHING SEEMS TO HAVE GONE WRONG.”

Refresh, Mitt, refresh.

……..
Sorry about the autoplay, pochos, and the pinche Flash video. That’s the way NBC rolls.

Republican ‘Latino outreach’ website confused by non-white kids

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Website screen capture shows GOP's outsourced Asian kids

RNCLatinos.com, the Republican National Committee’s new Latino outreach website, is apparently a laboratory for developing new ways of screwing up Latino outreach.

Last week RNCLatinos hosted a Spanish-language poll asking “Has President Obama disillusioned you?” (the overwhelming response was “No”) and then they used a stock photo of Asian children at the top of their page.

The RNC blamed the error on outsourced web developers — rumored to be in either Bombay or Honduras — who misread the tags on the photo.

Outreach spokestaco Beltina Inchancla offered up this explanation:

It was an honest mistake. They thought the picture was labeled as featuring “Latino” children, but actually read, “Laotian.”

Mas…Republican ‘Latino outreach’ website confused by non-white kids

Got CLAP? (Press release: Conservative Latino Alliance for Prosperity)

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Join us, wan't you?

[FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE JUNE 1, 2012] C.L.A.P. (Conservative Latino Alliance for Prosperity) is holding its Annual Membership Drive throughout the month of June.

C.L.A.P., founded in 1912, is the oldest conservative Latino organization in the nation. For 100 years, we’ve worked tirelessly to return the country to core conservative principles.

These are our guiding principles:

Pillar 1: Immigration

Fact: Rare baseball cards, comics, and stamps increase in value the scarcer they become. With over 50 million Latinos in the U.S., our value to this country has become more and more diluted . As a result, C.L.A.P. aims to deport all Latinos (regardless of residency status) until four or five very valuable Latinos remain. There is power in numbers – very, very small numbers.

Mas…Got CLAP? (Press release: Conservative Latino Alliance for Prosperity)

Mitt Romney’s ‘Deprimente’ (depressing) TV ad with English subtitles

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(PNS reporting from SALT LAKE CITY) As Mitt Romney works to grow support before the GOP convention, his campaign has reached out to Spanish-speaking voters with a new ad, Deprimente (depressing). POCHO translated the commercial for voters who don’t habla Español.

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.

Florida voter fraud crackdown finally snares a live one

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Mr. ChaCha is remorseful

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Even as the U.S. Department of Justice seeks to shut down Florida’s effort to disenfranchise voters, state officials are overjoyed that their purge of voter role has finally nabbed a real fraud, even if their case is a dog.

Much to the relief of Republican witch-hunters who were under fire for challenging the eligibility to vote of war veterans, grandmothers and local heroes, a French Bulldog puppy named Mr. ChaCha was charged on Tuesday for voting fraudulently in a local Miami election last year.

The eight-month-old pup snuck into a neighborhood high school, sniffed the ballot and then pulled the lever for Hammad Jose de Marx, the Green Party candidate for Dade County Residential Service Officer, according to poll watchers. “Though Mr. ChaCha’s motives are unclear, one fact is clear: Voter fraud is real,” an election board spokesman said.

Mas…Florida voter fraud crackdown finally snares a live one

Mexican Mitt Romney: ¡I AM THE LAST JUAN STANDING!

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AJUA! You didn’t think I could do it. You doubted me. You said, “Oh no, Mexican Mitt, you cannot be the Republican nominee! They hate you so! They would never EVER let such a VIRILE, MACHO HOMBRE become the REPUBLICAN NOMINEE!” By virile and macho hombre, you must mean that a Mormon could never win the GOP nomination.

But you were WRONG. Last night, I finally got the required 1,144 delegates for the Republican nomination by winning Texas, the lone state to vote this week. Like I always said, “ALL MY VIEJAS LIVE IN TEJAS!” And I received a full 90% of my viejas’ votes. (I’ll have a word with you later, Margarita.)

Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney: ¡I AM THE LAST JUAN STANDING!

Romney’s new Spanish TV ad now available with English subtitles

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(PNS reporting from GUACHINGON) As the Mitt Romney works to grow support before the GOP convention, his campaign has reached out to Spanish-espeaking voters with a new ad, Dia Uno. POCHO translated the commercial for voters who don’t habla Español.

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.

Mitt Romney: I’m proud to announce my new bank, JP Mormon

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Barack Hussein Obama’s biggest donors and best crony capitalist friends at JP Morgan Chase recently lost over two billion dollars in risky trades.

Instead of wailing about this so-called “Wall Street reform” nonsense, I have decided to open my own bank and mega Wall Street trading firm: JP Mormon.

At JP Mormon, we promise to keep your money away from the risky trades of Wall Street and in safe, secure island strongholds.

We will also store your hard-earned trust fund payments in secret European locations, places where Michele Bachman once held dual citizenship.

Mas…Mitt Romney: I’m proud to announce my new bank, JP Mormon

Opinion: We must fight the anti-Mayan Calendar Illuminati 1% (video)

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We might not know anything about them, but Anonymous knows almost everything about us, including stuff THE MAN doesn’t want YOU to know.

The modishly-masked online crusaders will soon shock our chakras with the truth about apocalyptic confluences predicted by the Mayan Calendar and aether-entities from outer espace. Predictably, the Mainstream Media New World Order 1% Wall Street Ivy League Illuminati White Elite is fighting back.

The recent Anonymous blipvert above, for example, was followed by UPenn (founded by life on Mars expert and immigrant hater Benjamin Franklin) joining the Illuminati conspiracy to discredit the Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012 scenario.

One group of chronology-challenged eschatologists even claimed that a recently-discovered calendar — which is older than the Doomsday Calendar — somehow makes the newer calendar wrong. Doh! Illogical!

Mas…Opinion: We must fight the anti-Mayan Calendar Illuminati 1% (video)

Ñewsweek: Chanclas, foreskins, gay political football, meaning of life

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“If the chancla flies, your mom is wise,” noted defense attorney Juan E. Cocran told the court, and we’ve got video to prove it.

The epic flying chanclas video topped the list of big estories on POCHO this week, but only just squeezed out the Mexclusive guest editorial by GOP nominee wannabe Mexican Mitt Romney, the latest chapter in the existential quest of Chuy and Smiley in Hey Vato! and very intimate advice from Dear Abuelita.

Here are the links:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Chanclas, foreskins, gay political football, meaning of life

Fired undocumented gardener sorry he ‘peed on Romney’s petunias’

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Gardener Berto Lopez trims a hedge in Beverly Hills

(PNS reporting from BEVERLY HILLS) Inspired by Mitt Romney’s apology for assaulting a long-haired commie prep school classmate, one of the undocumented gardeners Romney hired and then fired in 1996 has issued his own apology.

Berto Lopez, now working as a freelance arborist in Beverly Hills, regrets he once peed on the then-governor’s prized petunias.

“I did some rude things when I was younger,” he told PNS Thursday, “and if I hurt any of those plants, well then I am truly sorry.”

But Lopez denied the peeing and the firing were related. “I peed on the plants because Romney was a pendejo —  how you say — douchebag:”

Mas…Fired undocumented gardener sorry he ‘peed on Romney’s petunias’

Mexican Mitt Romney: Obama is spiking the gay football

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AJUA!! I am Mexican Mitt Romney, and I am here to clear the record on the GAY MARRIAGE.

Contrary to reports by ABC News and Perez Hilton about Barack Obama being the first president to approve of same-sex marriage, I invented it, and now Barack Obama is hogging all the credit! If you ask me, Obama is spiking the gay football! That is wrong! Everyone knows gays play tennis and hacky sack.

Now the gays are all running around and shrieking like the end of an episode of Ru Paul’s Drag Race just because the PINCHE North Carolina DOUBLE NEGATIVE GAY MARRIAGE Proposition that won this week. HIJOLE! Such drama queens!

In North Carolina it just means that Jethro cannot marry Jethro, but he can marry HIS COUSIN ELLIE MAE! Ajua! That’s what I call FREEDOM!

Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney: Obama is spiking the gay football

Pocho Ocho reasons Romney won’t choose Marco Rubio for VP

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As reported by the Miami Herald, there are about 8,000 reasons why Mitt Romney might not pick Florida’s Teabbagged Sen. Marco Rubio for as his running mate. Here are the top eight:

8. Sin Papeles. He’s illegal! It’s debatable who has the wetter back since Romney is from Mexico but Rubio is just as undocumented and some would argue more “deportable.” Rubio fled Cuba not because of the Revolución but because no one there could stand him. The guy’s an asshole.

More reasons and startling photographic evidence below.

Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Romney won’t choose Marco Rubio for VP

Adios, Gordo Gingrich! You’ll never get your sangwich :(

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Former Freaker of the House Newt Gingrich’s campaign for the Republican presidential nomination is over. POCHO laments the loss of this serial adulterer and nominee wannabe, as his ignorant, racist douchebaggery provided us with lots of ñews, including this Spanish-language campaign commercial with realistic English subtitles.

And there’s more below:

Mas…Adios, Gordo Gingrich! You’ll never get your sangwich 🙁

Romney courts ‘Hispanic vote’ with cartoon parrot sidekick (video)

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GOP presidential wannabee Mitt Romney knows he needs help with the “Hispanic vote” so he hired a Spanish-speaking, taco-loving parrot named Paco to help him out on the campaign trail. This is their first joint video.

Contrast and compare with Romney’s earlier Nosotros ad, presented here with English subtitles.

Mas…Romney courts ‘Hispanic vote’ with cartoon parrot sidekick (video)

Batgirl tells Batman: Equal pay for equal work! (except Latinas?)

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Batgirl tells Batman she wants to get paid as much as Robin for the same work. Today’s Latinas need to stand up and demand their fair share too, since the benefits of the Equal Pay Act seem to have passed them by.

In 1963, President John F. Kennedy signed the Equal Pay Act which prohibits gender discrimination in wages. At its signing women made 59 cents on average for every dollar earned by men. Although some small gains have been made, women today earn only 77 cents for every buck a guy gets. Latinas only earn 57 cents.

Enforcing existing laws is hard enough, but it CAN get worse. Across the country, Republican tools of big business are trying to undermine equal pay, all part of the GOP’s despicable War on Women. (We’ve got videos below.)

Mas…Batgirl tells Batman: Equal pay for equal work! (except Latinas?)

Pocho Ocho ways the candidates are scheming to get the Latino vote

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8. Gastronamía

Going after the gastronomic vote, Dems and Repubs plan to offer Latino voters free tacos and salsa at the polls (all tacos made by immigrant labor.) Mitt Romney has even changed his tune about cheesy grits, now heralding cold maduros as his favorite breakfast.

7. Stereotypical Shows

Both parties are promising to fund and sponsor television programs about Latinos including shows about sexy maids, deep-thinking gardeners and homesick homeboys. Obama made his weekly address with the addition of two scantly clad Latina hotties by his side and a little person dressed as a sunflower. Romney is more timid in matters of sexuality but did allow a three-second shot of his butt to air in one of his campaign ads (for las viejitas.)

Mas…Pocho Ocho ways the candidates are scheming to get the Latino vote

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