Immigration

We didn’t cross the border, the border crossed us.

Immigration Reform 2013: Where exactly is the ‘reform’ part? (video)

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The long-anticipated “comprehensive immigration reform bill” is set to be introduced to the public by a bi-partisan group of legislators today.

What exactly is the “Border Security, Economic Opportunity, and Immigration Modernization Act of 2013?”

The compromise proposal won’t cover all the people here without legal status, for one thing, nor will it create a lasting change — reform — of the immigration system.

What it will do, though, is line the pockets of security contractors via $3 billion dollars for “border security.”

Mas…Immigration Reform 2013: Where exactly is the ‘reform’ part? (video)

Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘MiJA Weekly’ Tax Day Espectacular 4.15.13 (video)

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Happy Tax Day, pochos! This week on MiJA I discuss the near conclusion of back-room negotiations on immigration “reform” and delve deep into the heart of the Internets to discover Barbies of the World. You think Mexican Barbie is bad — Peruvian Barbie comes with an anchor baby (and she’s not the worst of them!)

Mas…Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘MiJA Weekly’ Tax Day Espectacular 4.15.13 (video)

Hey, Mr. Anti-Immigration Man, can we see your grandpa’s papers?

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Bend the Arc, a Jewish social justice organization, just introduced an online legal widget that applies immigration laws to your family’s history. Answer some questions and the Entry Denied widget determines if your immigrant ancestors would be allowed into the U.S. today.

And guess what:

Millions of Americans have grown up with a defining family immigration story. But while our families may have endured hardship coming to America, the simple fact is that most of our immigration stories would not be possible at all under today’s immigration laws.

Mas…Hey, Mr. Anti-Immigration Man, can we see your grandpa’s papers?

AP’s Pocho Ocho dropped names beside ‘illegal immigrant’

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Associated Press (AP), the cooperative news service used by print, broadcast and online media, today dropped the term “illegal immigrant” from its stylebook:

‘Illegal immigrant’ no more
Posted on 04/02/2013 by Paul Colford
The AP Stylebook today is making some changes in how we describe people living in a country illegally.

Senior Vice President and Executive Editor Kathleen Carroll explains the thinking behind the decision:

The Stylebook no longer sanctions the term “illegal immigrant” or the use of “illegal” to describe a person. Instead, it tells users that “illegal” should describe only an action, such as living in or immigrating to a country illegally…. [Continued at AP]

But that’s not all! Here are the Pocho Ocho other designations dropped by AP:

8. Chancla-throwers

7. Elote-eaters

6. Paleta people

Mas…AP’s Pocho Ocho dropped names beside ‘illegal immigrant’

Mexico builds border wall to keep out assholes from the U.S.A. (video)

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In a much-criticized move, Mexico has finished construction of the border wall to keep out assholes from the United Estates.

American officials were mum after their own calls for more enforcement on this side of the border, but some politicians are mad enough to consider canceling their own Mexican spring break vacations.

Mas…Mexico builds border wall to keep out assholes from the U.S.A. (video)

Rand Paul: Don’t call my plan ‘Pathway to Citizenship’

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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Master flip-flopper Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) now supports allowing undocumented immigrants to remain in the United States, receive legal status and eventually apply to become citizens, just so long as he can call them “chili-choking pepper bellies” and they provide lawn service to his friends and family.

But Paul said he would rather not use the term “pathway to citizenship” because it makes him feel “soft” and he feels he should be “hard.” On immigration.

“I think we’re trapped. I mean, I hate these goddamn people. They disgust me and make me my and my dad’s skin crawl. And believe me, it takes a lot to make that bastard’s skin crawl. I’d like nothing more them to send them to the frickin’ moon but the immigration debate has been trapped and it’s been polarized by two terms: ‘path to citizenship’ and ‘amnesty,'” Rand told reporters on a conference call Tuesday.

Mas…Rand Paul: Don’t call my plan ‘Pathway to Citizenship’

PNS*Hot*Flash: Sequestration Proclamation frees the ‘Pedroes’

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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) President Barack Obama today issued a “Sequestration Proclamation,” which authorizes the freeing of an additional 300 undocumented immigrants from detention centers around the country in advance of looming budget cuts.

While Republicans claimed the freeing of these so-called “Pedroes” would lead to the total collapse of the U.S. economy, the only immediate impact has been the creation of 900 new jobs.

Obama is being hailed as “The Great Sequestrator” by Latinos around the country, and Obama-themed corridos are already staples on Mexican radio.

Mas…PNS*Hot*Flash: Sequestration Proclamation frees the ‘Pedroes’

‘Illegal Immigrant Hunting Permits’ were a mistake, so sorry (video)

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Hey, all you Hispanics! We’re sorry — it was a big mistake. Ha ha ha, a joke gone bad. No, a mistake. You know those Illegal Immigrant Hunting Permit stickers we were selling in our Colorado gas stations with convenience stores managed by that national convenience store conglomerate that ordered the shiny multi-colored bumper stickers from a Kansas “novelty” manufacturer?

Mas…‘Illegal Immigrant Hunting Permits’ were a mistake, so sorry (video)

Mexclusive: Pocho Ocho steps on the GOP’s ‘Path to Citizenship’

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The Republican Party has jumped on the immigration reform bandwagon with their own “Path to Citizenship” proposals. Here are the GOP’s pocho ocho ways undocumented residents can get legal:

8. Mow Mitt Romney’s lawn
7. Pose for publicity photo with AZ Gov. Jan Brewja
6. Pretend you’re “Hispanic” for the CIA

Mas…Mexclusive: Pocho Ocho steps on the GOP’s ‘Path to Citizenship’

Al Madrigal, Jon Stewart: Big trouble in GOP His Panic Room (video)

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Will a Republican shift on immigration help them with Hispanic voters? The Daily Show’s Senior Latino Correspondent Al Madrigal is in Jon Stewart’s His Panic Room as they explore the GOP’s Nuevo Deal. Jessica Williams sneaks in to assist. DISCLOSURE: Madrigal is also POCHO’s Migrant Editor.

From the ‘new’ GOP: Pocho Ocho things we shouldn’t say to Latinos

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GOP leaders are undergoing sensitivity training as they re-evaluate immigration reform. Too often, insiders say, Republicans’ choice of words has hidden their true love for Latinos.

“Tone and rhetoric will be key,” is the message from Jennifer Korn, executive director of the Hispanic Leadership Network.  Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FLA), who chairs the GOP’s Vendido Caucus, champions “a kinder, gentler racism.”

Top Republicans will receive a list of phrases that should never, ever be used when discussing immigration reform. Here are the pocho ocho things NEVER to say:

8. Git’ back in your beaner-mobile!
7. Speak inglish you ‘ignant brownie.
6. We ain’t need no anchor babies.

Mas…From the ‘new’ GOP: Pocho Ocho things we shouldn’t say to Latinos

Heya morons! Click HERE for Obama immigration speech transcript

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We know some of you are morons or racists or both. Different strokes, meng, different strokes. It’s cool. Here’s a transcript of the speech on immigration that Bronco Bama just delivered in Las Vegas, translated into easy-to-understand Moron. Just for you!

(APPLAUSE)

Dank you. It is good t’ be back in Las Begas.

And it is good t’ be among so many good friends. Let – let me start off by dankigg ebehybody at Del Sol High School f’ hostigg us.

(APPLAUSE)

Go Dragons. Let me especial dank your outstandigg principal, Lisa Primos (ph).

(APPLAUSE)

Dehe are all kinds of notaggle guests hehe, uh uh uh, but I dgust want t’ minion a few. Firss of all, our outstandigg secret of de Departmin of Homeland Security, Dganet Napolitano, is hehe.

Mas…Heya morons! Click HERE for Obama immigration speech transcript

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