Immigration

We didn’t cross the border, the border crossed us.

Don’t wait for immigration reform: PORT-A-BORDER is here! (video)

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“Comprehensive immigration reform” is like the weather — everyone talks about it but no one does anything about it. That’s why real Americans are going wild over PORT-A-BORDER, the personal hi-tech illegal immigration solution that keeps those darn Mexicans out of your personal space. (Possibly NSFW language.)

CA’s Jerry Brown vetoes ‘Trust Act,’ AZ’s Jan Brewer approves

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(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer has deemed California Gov. Jerry Brown an honorary citizen following his veto of the Golden State’s Trust Act which would have ended deportation of undocumented immigrants busted for minor offenses.

¡AltoArizona! reports:

Jan Brewer, Arizona’s governor notorious for her signing of the state’s racial profiling bill, SB1070, issued Brown honorary residence in her state. “Anyone who can manage to deny basic protections to domestic workers, farm workers, and entire immigrant families, all in one night, is bound to need some friends,” explained Brewer. “I want him to know, Jerr, you’ve got a friend in me.”

Mas…CA’s Jerry Brown vetoes ‘Trust Act,’ AZ’s Jan Brewer approves

Ñewsweek: Romney? Ya No Más, I wish I were Latino; iPhone La Raza

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Que busy ñewsweek!

Say hello to Angry Abuelas, pochos. The new iPhone 5 — code-named La Raza — is especially designed for Latinos.

Two  videos broke the news: GOP presidential wannabe Mitt Romney wished he were a puro Latino and his campaign released a new Spanish-language ad aimed at “white Hispanics.”

In science ñews, cilantro haters breathed a sigh of relief as genetics proved it was not their fault and the new African monkey species looks familiar somehow.

Here are the links:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Romney? Ya No Más, I wish I were Latino; iPhone La Raza

Sheriff Joe gears up for tough re-election battle, reveals secret weapon

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(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Arizona’s toughest sheriff, Joe Arpaio, might soon be known as Arizona’s fiercest sheriff. Arpaio is gearing up for what he expects will be the toughest of his five re-election campaigns and he is pulling out all the stops this time by revealing his alter ego, “KoKo.”

No stranger to controversy, Arpaio is facing a determined effort from immigration rights activists and the Justice Department to push him out of office but says that “KoKo” will give him the edge this time in fending off his enemies.

A ruling in a lawsuit that alleges his department violated the civil rights of Latinos is expected any day now but Arpaio says that he will weather the storm with “swag and style” the likes of which Maricopa County has never witnessed.

Mas…Sheriff Joe gears up for tough re-election battle, reveals secret weapon

Ramiro says his name is Antonio – here is his life so far (photos)

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Installation artist and painter Ramiro “Jay” Gomez continues to populate the streets of Southern California with immigrant laborers painted on cardboard.  His quest? To make visible the invisible people who keep L.A. — and Beverly Hills — running.

Here, in the artist’s photographs, is the life story of Ramiro’s newest creation, the guy who sells tourists Maps to the Stars Homes. Ramiro says his name is Antonio. He works his trade at the eastern edge of Beverly Hills, at Santa Monica Boulevard and Doheny, on the border with West Hollywood. Will he be there Thursday morning?

Does the woman with the stroller and the smartphone even know he’s there?

Mas…Ramiro says his name is Antonio – here is his life so far (photos)

Son of immigrants takes the oath to become a ‘Pinche Migra’

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CBP_Border_Patrol_agent_reads_the_Miranda_rights(PNS reporting from EL PASO) The smell of grilled cebollas greeted visitors to a carne asada party in the back yard of the Lopez home in El Paso’s lower valley Saturday evening, as the family celebrated the graduation of the Lopez family’s prodigal son as a “Pinche Migra.”

José “Johnny” Marrufo completed the 58-day course at the United States Customs and Border Protection’s Border Patrol Academy located in Artesia, NM in July.

He graduated as a Border Patrol Agent and is now ready to detain his Mexican brethren.

“I feel happy that I will protect our border from terrorists and criminal aliens, some of whom are my relatives”  the former Riverside High School third baseman told PNS.

Mas…Son of immigrants takes the oath to become a ‘Pinche Migra’

Jan Brewja: Save time, hassle with the Self-Deportation Station (video)

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All real Arizonans know it’s a pain in the AZ to racially-profile, harass, arrest and then deport people who look different from you! That’s why Gov. Jan Brewer is pleased to announce her automagic, high-tech, made-in-America, job-creating final solution for all those damn Mexicans.

Inspired by pioneering self-deportationist Daniel D. Portado, Brewja is introducing nifty new Self-Deportation Stations that make racism look quick, easy and clean.

  • Craving more news from The Hate State of Arizona? Click here!

Louis CK: ‘I came to America as a little Mexican boy’ (video)

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As Seen on Conan: Comedian Louis CK was in Arizona (of course — where else?) when his driver started spewing some racist crap…

[Editor’s Note: Oh my! It looks like this video, which dates from January, is suddenly not kosher. Who knew? Our apologies to those of you who tuned in late. And to the thousands who did get to see it on POCHO before Big Brother came around — that was some funny stuff, eh?]

Uncle Sam on lookout for oldsters trying to pass as DREAMers

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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) Older undocumented immigrants have been trying to pass as youngsters so they can qualify for the Obama Administration’s new Deferred Action program, PNS has learned.

On Thursday, several elderly immigrants were hustled out in the Denver, CO immigration office trying to fake the required cutoff age of 30.

ICE reported that they found one viejito, known only as “Chavo,” hiding inside a barrel and dressed in in a striped shirt, red suspenders, brown khaki shorts and a propeller hat. ICE told PNS that the man was malnourished and kept asking for ham sandwiches.

Mas…Uncle Sam on lookout for oldsters trying to pass as DREAMers

Farmworker releases tax returns and asks ‘Where are Romney’s?’

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(PNS reporting from EL PASO) Early this morning, area farmworker Celestino Sepúlveda made five years of his tax returns public.

Holding faded copies of his 1040EZ from tax years 2007 to 2011, Sepúlveda told reporters, “Quiero ser un ejemplo para Romney” (I want to be an example for Romney) by publicly revealing his Federal returns.

At a press conference  held at 3AM scheduled to accommodate his need to obtain agricultural day work from farm labor contractors, who start recruiting at 3:30, Sepúlveda explained.

“I have nothing to hide about the way I earn my money, because I earned it through honest work,” said the 37-year-old native of Jalpa, Zacatecas, standing with several other farmworkers on the corner of Paisano and Oregon Streets. (A family photo, above, shows him harvesting cucumbers.)

Fellow farmworker Pepe Martínez agreed. “Sí, una persona humilde como mi compadre lo hizo, ¿porqué no El Romney?”

Mas…Farmworker releases tax returns and asks ‘Where are Romney’s?’

AZ Gov. Jan Brewja OKs curbs on undocumented youth, apples, twigs

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Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer (photo, right) has signed an executive order directing state agencies to deny driver’s licenses and other public benefits to young undocumented immigrants who obtain work authorizations under the new Obama administration Deferred Action program.

She also signed executive orders dealing with undocumented children and other matters:

Young undocumented immigrants line up to apply for Deferred Action

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(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Hundreds of thousands of undocumented immigrants brought to this country as children are applying today for a deportation reprieve under a new program established by the Obama administration.

DREAMers will receive a two­-year deferment of deportation proceedings. If approved by U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, those DREAMers can also apply for a work permit and later reapply for another deportation deferment.

Some of the details of the program are still being ironed out. Eliseo Medrano of Aurora, who was lined up (photo, left) at the Chicago FCIS Office said, “I didn’t know there was going to be a talent portion to the application today. I suppose I can sing “Volver” or something.”

Mas…Young undocumented immigrants line up to apply for Deferred Action

Fluffy Gabriel Iglesias caught Driving While Brown in Arizona

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Chicano comic Gabriel Iglesias found out first hand what it’s like to be caught Driving While Brown in Arizona.

Iglesias, who is currently on tour, was pulled over between Yuma and Phoenix in his giant tour bus (that bears his likeness and name), and his entire crew was subjected to a “papers please” search.

Iglesias said after the incident that he has “madd love” for Arizona but might paint his tour bus with Larry the Cable Guy next time around.

Click all the way through to see Gabriel’s own quote!

By way of the mas chingon Three Sonorans blog!

Pocho Ocho suggested names for new Nogales MIGRA robot

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He’s artificially intelligent, muy guapo with dark hair and blue eyes, plus he speaks and understands Spanish and English. He also has a new, high-profile job with Tio Sam’s U.S. Customs and Border Protection Service interviewing people crossing into Los United Estates at Nogales, AZ (photo, above.)

What’s he missing aside from a body and an analog existence? This poor robovato needs a name; right now his bosses just refer to him as the AVATAR (Automated Virtual Agent for Truth Assessments in Real-Time.)

Here are the Pocho Ocho names we like best:

8. Mex Headroom
7. C3 Pito
6. Will Robinson

Mas…Pocho Ocho suggested names for new Nogales MIGRA robot

Joe the Plumber: Shoot the damn Canucks and ask questions later!

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(PNS reporting from the HATE STATE OF ARIZONA) Samuel Wurzelbacher – known to most Americans as simply “Joe the Plumber” or “dumbass” – made an recent appearance at a fundraiser for Republican Arizona State Senator candidate Lori Klein and shocked the audience by telling them that the way to solve the country’s illegal Canadian immigration problem is to station troops along the northern border and have them “start shooting the damn snowbacks.”

“For years I’ve said, you know, put a damn fence on the border going to Canada and start shooting. I’m running for Congress and that should be a bad thing to say. But you know what, it’s how I feel…I want my borders protected, I’m very, very adamant about that. I’m sick of these snowbacks sneaking in here illegally!” Wurzelbacher said.

Mas…Joe the Plumber: Shoot the damn Canucks and ask questions later!

Las Cafeteras: ‘La Bamba Rebelde’ from East Los (music video)

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East Los Angeles’ Las Cafeteras walk the walk with this rebel version of La Bamba. “Yo no soy marinero” becomes “Yo no creo en fronteras” and “Soy capitan” is now “Yo cruzare.” Son jarocho and alt.folklorico rootsy ritmo manifest the Spanish lyrics in sound, and we must offer POCHO props for super location videography in the hood!

Here’s an audio only version:

And did you know you could make your own cajon just like in the video (that’s the box drum)? We’ve got links and stuff.

Mas…Las Cafeteras: ‘La Bamba Rebelde’ from East Los (music video)

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