They journeyed hundreds of miles to make a new life in a new land. They crossed borders, forded rivers and walked in the burning heat. But nobody expected the Zombie Migra!
Immigration
We didn’t cross the border, the border crossed us.
La Chata’s Music Box: Outernational ‘The Beginning Is Here’ (video)
La Chata’s Music Box presents spankin’-good Spanglish ska from Outernational – The Beginning Is Here, the first video from the activist New York collective’s latest CD (Todos Somos Ilegales We are All Illegal.) (NSFW lyrics.) The title track video (with special guest stars!) is right here, and the band is on the Pocho Hour of Power today at 4PM PDT on KPFK.
This just in: Apparently I am an ‘obvious American!’ Happy July 4!
I’ve been trying to make light of the Arizona “show me your papers” law in my stand-up but I don’t think people get it.
And I don’t think it’s because I’m a terrible comic (although that’s open to interpretation) but because people in general don’t really grasp what the law implies.
As a South American immigrant with a very paranoid Latina mother, I’ve lived with the fear of “show me your papers” most of my life.
Despite, being white and well assimilated (like a borg), I’ve carried my Social Security card and passport since I became a citizen.
Just last month, I was working on a film set and the consent form said, “Please provide proof of citizenship.” I panicked a little because I forgot my passport. As soon as I handed my paperwork to the agent, he looked me over and said,”Obviously, you were born in America…”
Mas…This just in: Apparently I am an ‘obvious American!’ Happy July 4!
Small Georgia town bans sale, use of ‘illegal alien paraphernalia’
(PNS reporting from DIXIE) The City of Morrow, GA voted yesterday to ban “illegal alien paraphernalia.”
City Ordinance 187 — the so-called Press A Tortilla Go to Jail law — is a response to the Supreme Court’s ruling that Arizona SB 1070 was mostly unconstitutional.
The small town (population 4882) banned the sale and use within the city limits of:
“Illegal alien paraphernalia including, but not limited to
- batas,
- molcajetes,
- tortilla presses,
- international calling cards,
- Mexican Coca-Cola and
- Mexican soccer team accessories.”
The news wasn’t well received among Morrow’s small Hispanic community.
Five-year Morrow resident and Mexico native José Luis Gallegos said, “Qué se vayan a la chingada,” roughly translated as, “This is a heinous law.”
Mas…Small Georgia town bans sale, use of ‘illegal alien paraphernalia’
Ñewsweek: SCOTUS, SB1070, AZ, Obamacare and Mexican Mitt
GOP nominee wannabe Mexican Mitt Romney led off the chorus of this week’s reactioneers after the SCOTUS decisions on SB1070 and Obamacare. “We need to implement Labambacare for all Hispanics pronto!” he wrote in a special guest editorial.
Some Arizonans like the SB1070 decision — we have their reactions — but Chicago Congressman Luis Gutierrez ripped the decision to shreds on the floor of the House of Representatives — and we have the video.
Lots of ñews this past week on POCHO; here are our top stories:
Mas…Ñewsweek: SCOTUS, SB1070, AZ, Obamacare and Mexican Mitt
Outernational ‘We Are All Illegals Todos Somos Ilegales’ (music video)
New York band Outernational rocks the message in Spanglish with We Are All Illegals featuring Tom Morello, Chad Smith and Residente Calle 13.
In the border badlands, it’s migrants vs vigilantes, hope vs hate (video)
Gustavo Aguilar and Juan Cabrera, Mexican day laborers alone in a Twilight Zone desert, are confronted by a screaming protest against illegal immigration. Ours is a world of mirage and illusion, they remind us, and you have to believe it to see it.
Brave right-wing bloggers expose Obummer’s ‘Operation Fork & Furious’
The fearless frackers at the dead Breitbart blog (screen capture, right) are all outraged about a so-called “security action” before the President’s speech last week at the NALEO conference:
Judging from Obama’s actions at this years National Association of Latino Elected Officials (NALEO) luncheon, Obama’s newest fear is Latinos with forks. Obama had the Secret Service confiscate all the dinner forks from the participants at the June 22 event held in Orlando, Florida.
Hats off, Breitbarfers! You discovered a new conspiracy where none existed before, and you didn’t have to use deceptively-edited video to make your fake-ass point.
Mas…Brave right-wing bloggers expose Obummer’s ‘Operation Fork & Furious’
Obama, Romney kiss brown butt in exciting panderama! (video)
Who can kiss mas butt? President Barack Obama and Gov. Mitt Romney both spoke to the National Association of Latino Elected and Appointed Officials last week in La Florida. So who won the contest of Los Panderos? The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart reports.
Random sampling of Arizonans elated by SCOTUS SB1070 ruling
Some Arizonans were elated that the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that one key part of SB1070 is constitutional at the same time three other portions were overturned in today’s 5-3 opinion.
The part ruled constitutional requires an officer to make a reasonable attempt to determine the immigration status of a person stopped, detained or arrested if there’s reasonable suspicion that person is in the country illegally. Anything from sombreros to brown skin may allow police to inquire about one’s immigration status.
Reactions from a random sampling of Arizonans were positive and optimistic.
Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer’s bony-ass mummy finger was held high in the air upon hearing of the mixed decision: “We Kept ONE! We Kept ONE!” The aged papyrus-skinned governor declared victory: “The Supremes voided much of SB1070 but let us keep my favorite part– profiling those smooth-skinned Mexicans.”
Mas…Random sampling of Arizonans elated by SCOTUS SB1070 ruling
Driving While Brown? Try ‘Arizona-me’ (SB1070 NSFW video) *UPDATED
UPDATED JUNE 25: Now that the Supreme Court says it’s OK for Arizona’s cops to continue their demands for “papers,” this advice video for folks contemplating a drive through the Hate State of Arizona is even more critical. From Familia del Barrio. Watch and learn!
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(MARCH 24) The U.S. Supreme Court today hears the appeal from proponents of the racist Arizona SB1070 law, which legalized racial profiling in the Hate State. Long before this vile measure was challenged by legal experts, it was spoofed by in the Mexican cartoon series Familia del Barrio.
Their animated episode Arizona-me details how the cartoon family wanted to cope with this foul attack on immigrants. Click the [CC] button for English closed captions. (NSFW language Spanish and English.)
And look below to see how their fans coped.
Mas…Driving While Brown? Try ‘Arizona-me’ (SB1070 NSFW video) *UPDATED
How Obama’s DREAM Act end run is ruining our democracy (video)
The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart goes to the tape to expose the shocking Obama plan to stop the deportation of innocent DREAMERs. It’s an Affront to Democracy, the Action of a Dictator and a Threat to Our American Way of Life.
Sheriff Joe arrests six-year-old girl suspected of leading cartel
(PNS reporting from SESAME STREET) On the same day that President Obama announced an immigration policy that will make it easier for young undocumented immigrants to remain in Los United Estates, Arizona’s numero uno douchebag, Sheriff Joe Arpaio, announced the arrest of a six-year-old girl suspected of leading the infamous Cártel de Elmo de Los Cookie Monster Ganga.
The Arizona Bugle reported that the girl was with 15 other cartel members who were traveling to the Midwest and northeast United States. Also arrested: Big Bird, Mr. Snuffleupagus, Prairie Dawn, Curly Bear, Bert, Grover and Guy Smiley. According to Chris Hegstrom, spokesman for the Sheriff’s Office, this is the “single biggest cartel bust” in Maricopa County history.
And even though the girl was old enough to get arrested, she was not old enough to have her name released, according to Hegstrom. “This is huge for us and for Joe – just huge. Arpaio is an expert when it comes to sleuthing dangerous things…like children and phony birth certificates.”
Mas…Sheriff Joe arrests six-year-old girl suspected of leading cartel
Thinking different with ‘Mex vs BC’ (video)
The premise is totally stale (has it really been five years since the Mac vs PC ad campaign?) but the laughs are still fresh! Check out Mex vs BC (born citizen.)
Ñewsweek: POCHO vs Drudge, DREAMERS, bienvenue à Mexicanada
Wassup in Pochostan this week, you ask?
President Obama’s groundbreaking executive order halting the deportation of innocent kids brought cheers and hateful feedback from the right wing mediocracy, more Mexicans are bypassing the U.S. and heading to Canadia and a mathematician proved Chicanos have only one degree of separation.
The most popular POCHO stories that broke the ñews this week are right here:
Mas…Ñewsweek: POCHO vs Drudge, DREAMERS, bienvenue à Mexicanada
Obama’s DREAM announcement freaks out the right wing racists
President Barack Obama’s announcement today that he is halting the possible deportation of up to 800,000 DREAMERs has the right wing (racist) blogosphere in fits. Example: The Drudge Report (owned by Matt Drudge, who does not love sex with men) was so freaked out, they posted this headline and image but later took it down. POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz grabbed a screenshot first, though. Mira!
Got CLAP? (Press release: Conservative Latino Alliance for Prosperity)
[FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE JUNE 1, 2012] C.L.A.P. (Conservative Latino Alliance for Prosperity) is holding its Annual Membership Drive throughout the month of June.
C.L.A.P., founded in 1912, is the oldest conservative Latino organization in the nation. For 100 years, we’ve worked tirelessly to return the country to core conservative principles.
These are our guiding principles:
Pillar 1: Immigration
Fact: Rare baseball cards, comics, and stamps increase in value the scarcer they become. With over 50 million Latinos in the U.S., our value to this country has become more and more diluted . As a result, C.L.A.P. aims to deport all Latinos (regardless of residency status) until four or five very valuable Latinos remain. There is power in numbers – very, very small numbers.
Mas…Got CLAP? (Press release: Conservative Latino Alliance for Prosperity)
Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FLA) proposes new DREAMY Act
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) In an attempt to capitalize on the political gains made by Pres. Barack Obama’s support for gay marriage, Florida GOP senator and possible presidential candidate Marco Rubio has revamped his unpopular DREAM Act alternative.
The original federal DREAM Act allowed undocumented youth brought here as minors a path to citizenship if they served in the military or attended college. Rubio’s DREAM Act “lite” version offered these youth only a non-immigrant visa and permanent status as second-class citizens.
Now, hoping to suck off gay votes from Obama, Rubio has introduced the DREAMY Act.
PochoCast #4: Alcaraz/Madrigal ‘Cinco de Mayo fever jumps the shark’
POCHO’s Lalo Alcaraz, Jefe-in-Chief, and Al Madrigal, Migrant Editor, Skype truth to power in PochoCast Number Four.
The long-distance interlocutors are all about Cinco de Mayo fever, Mexican Mitt Romney, Gustavo Arellano, Taco John’s, SB1070, Obama, the Dream Act, Los Lobos, Latino USA, Taco USA, La Cucaracha, Ann Romney, Twitter, hate mail, the Politico blog, FU money, MEChA, the Walmart Mexico bribery scandal, and this guy Al knows.
Although the podcast is recommended listening for your morning commute, do not listen while shaving, frying bacon (naked or not) or inserting contact lenses due to danger of cuts, burns and/or pokes in the eye. No warranty expressed or implied. Your mileage may vary. We don’t speak your crazy moon language.
Save the planet, stop illegal immigration (Colbert Report video)
Liberals and conservatives agree — immigrants cause global warning and poison the political atmosphere!
El Machete Illustrated: Undocumented and alien — the cartoon
It’s Income Tax day — do you know where your undocumented alien superhero is?
Colbert to Romney: Run this commercial to get Latino votes
It’s no secret that Mitt “Self Deportation” Romney is not Latinos’ favorite presidential hopeful. Stephen Colbert explains the political realities and introduces a new Mitt Romney TV commercial.
POCHO has a Mexican Mitt Romney commercial too — and it’s a music video (below).
Mas…Colbert to Romney: Run this commercial to get Latino votes
GOP seeks Hispanic vote, taps Seagal for ‘You’re Busted, Beaner!’
(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Republicans scared to death worried about the GOP’s ridiculously awful poor standing with Hispanic non-Mexican-American voters have launched an election-year scramble to put a better spin on their party’s immigration problem. Their solution? A TV reality show starring Hollywood flunkie and all-around jackass, Steven Seagal.
Seagal leads the list of C-level actors in You’re Busted, Beaner! a new Republican Party-backed reality series. Seagal stars as a cop who pursues “illegals” while promoting the GOP’s non-Mexican Hispanic-friendly agenda.
The show will be produced by Tinsel Town’s sole Republican, who prefers to remain anonymous.
Mas…GOP seeks Hispanic vote, taps Seagal for ‘You’re Busted, Beaner!’
California’s new official poetry man is Juan Felipe Herrera (video)
Gov. Jerry Brown has sworn in UC Riverside professor Juan Felipe Herrera as California’s Poet Laureate — the first Chicano to get the honor. In this video, Herrera reads his poem 187 reasons Mexicanos can’t cross the border. The poem illustrates the difference between Jerry Brown’s California and Jan Brewer’s Hate State of Arizona, where Mexican-American Studies are outlawed. Cali isn’t perfect, but at least we know where we came from.
Mississippi bill would require ‘green cards’ from Pocho Ricans
(PNS reporting from OLE MISS) Inspired by the members of the University of Southern Mississippi marching band, state legislators passed a harsh new anti-immigration measure Wednesday and expect the bill to pass the Senate and be signed into law soon by Gov. Phil Bryant.
HB 488 requires law enforcement to investigate the immigration status of any person in custody thought to be in the country illegally and specifically targets American citizens from Puerto Rico. They are obligated to present a green card as well as prove proficiency in English.
The bill originally included provisions that would have required public schools to check the immigration status of all enrolled students and test their spelling proficiency. Those provisions were removed from the bill when it was discovered that many students could not spell Mississippi without singing it.
Mas…Mississippi bill would require ‘green cards’ from Pocho Ricans
Ñewsweek: Hectors and actors and commentators oh my
POCHO’s ñews team started the week in glossy Hollyweird and ended up scraping the crap off their shoes near Rush Limbaugh’s headquarters in La Floridita, but the big story of the week was the release of Mexican Mitt Romney’s music video/camapaign commercial.
Will the GOP wannabe become the nation’s first Latino president? And why does his MittShake bring all the viejas to yard? You’ll have to watch and figure it out yourself!
The Academy Awards were just around the corner from installation artist Ramiro Gomez Jr. so he made sure the neighborhood got to see normally-invisible Latino elements of the star-making machinery with a poignant installation on Hollywood Boulevard.
Operation Wet Parachute: U.S. to drop Mexican deportees from planes
(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) In an effort to “adapt to current budget realities,” the Federales of Los United Estates will begin flying deported immigrants back to Mexico and dropping them from airplanes over their home states.
This plan, dubbed Operation Wet Parachute, is the brainchild of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano who said yesterday she got the idea while making margaritas and watching the film Point Break.
Mas…Operation Wet Parachute: U.S. to drop Mexican deportees from planes
Ñewsweek: AZ gay sheriff, ‘Sh¡t Latinos Don’t Say,’ Satan speaks
The Hate State of Arizona was the scene of three big stories this week:
GOP wannabe Mitt Rammane’s campaign pulled another boner as the campaign co-chair, immigrant-hating sheriff Paul Babeu, tried to explain his way out of allegations he threatened his Mexican immigrant boyfriend with deportation.
Babeu resigned from the campaign but not before Pocho Ñews Service scored a copy of his cancelled TV commercial endorsing Romney. Babeu’s endorsement noted Romney’s support for installing GAYDAR to protect the Arizona border from straight migrants, letting only attractive Gayliens cross over.
Babeu later announced he was ready for any probe of his actions, the deeper the better.
Mas…Ñewsweek: AZ gay sheriff, ‘Sh¡t Latinos Don’t Say,’ Satan speaks
Pocho Ocho reasons Jan Brewer declined dinner at the White House
We already know mummy-like AZ Gov. Jan Brewer gets absolutely unraveled whenever she’s near Pres. Barack Obama. But why exactly did she decline to attend tomorrow’s Governor’s Dinner at the White House?
Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons Brewer did not accept the President’s invitation:
8– They could not guarantee her a seat next to the open bar
7– She’s going to be busy looking for heads in the desert
6– Sunday night is when she soaks her skin in formaldehyde
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Jan Brewer declined dinner at the White House