Mel Brooks’ documentary crew had their cameras rolling in Jerusalem Thursday evening when Nazareth carpenter Yehoshua Ben-Yosef and friends gathered for Passover seder that could turn out to be Ben-Yosef’s last supper.
PREVIOUSLY ON EASTER:
jesus
Rio de Janeiro: Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening, me
A lightning bolt broke a finger off the right hand of the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro last week.
Mas…Rio de Janeiro: Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening, me
New Year means new veladoras with Saint Miley of Twerk (toons)
On New Year, don’t curse the darkness, homies. Instead, light up a candle with the images of Saint Christopher Walken and/or Saint Miley Cyrus of Twerk.
The Saint Nicholas Cage matched pair is perfect for the Christmas season we think:
Mas…New Year means new veladoras with Saint Miley of Twerk (toons)
Epistle to the Internets: ‘Jesus Had A Jewish Mother’ (toon)
“Mom, how many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb?”
“Don’t worry about me, Sammy, I’ll just sit here in the dark.” [RIMSHOT.]
Was it any different for Jesus of Nazareth and his Jewish mother Mary?
Cartoonista Idan Schneider answers the kvetching question as the toon continues here: Jesus Had A Jewish Mom.
PREVIOUSLY ON JUDIOS:
Mas…Epistle to the Internets: ‘Jesus Had A Jewish Mother’ (toon)
Jesus Re-Branded: ‘Capitalism is the reason for the season’ (video)
Push the Sacred Heart of this Re-Branded Jesus Action Figure and he’ll tell you the New Gospel:
You can both serve God and money — go forth and profit. The love of money is at the root of … all successful entrepreneurs. If they’re hungry, sell them something to eat!
On sale now at a mall near you.
What’s it like growing up named ‘Jesús’? (LatinoUSA audio)
In Latin America, it’s a name like any other. But here in the U.S., Jesús is a name that could still raise an eyebrow. So Latino USA producer Michael Simon Johnson spoke with a handful of Jesúses to find out what it’s like to grow up with the holiest name in the book.
PREVIOUSLY ON JESÚS:
Mas…What’s it like growing up named ‘Jesús’? (LatinoUSA audio)
Hey Vato! What we really, really want for Christmas (video)
Vatos Chuy and Smiley made up a Christmas wish list, but they’re checking it twice!
PREVIOUSLY ON NIKE CORTEZ:
Mas…Hey Vato! What we really, really want for Christmas (video)
Jesus is cool but Guadalupe is better (toon)
This brand new toon (yesterday!) is by artist Gustavo Abascal. We had to make a square “thumbnail” for layout purposes on the home page, but don’t be scared, the full image is here:
Religious figures to Guadalupe: You’re a ‘miraculous appearance hog’
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(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) Leading Catholic personalities gathered here this week to address a simmering controversy in the official Divine Advent & Manifestation Union (DAMU): members claim that La Virgen de Guadalupe (photo, center) is a publicity hog when it comes to miraculous appearances.
“Can’t the Son of God just miraculously appear on a slice of toast without someone copying me?” asked Jesus Christ (photo, right). “Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for faith and everything, but she goes out of her way to appear on everything! Am I right, people?”
Another virgin in attendance, rarely-seen La Virgen de San Juan (photo, left), said that although she’s “totally cool” with being a lesser-known virgin, she will never be able to grow her Twitter following or sell more CDs when Guadalupe is always “hogging the spotlight.”
“The union has rules for a reason, so everyone has a chance at appearing on tortillas or an oil stain,” San Juan told PNS. “I don’t expect to be number one — I mean, c’mon, we’re talking about the Mother of God here — but I do expect my fair share.”
Mas…Religious figures to Guadalupe: You’re a ‘miraculous appearance hog’
‘Tears of God’ or dripping bug poop? Fresno tree has believers (video)
It’s across the street from St. John’s Cathedral in Fresno, CA. Maria Ybarra thinks it manifests a Godly miracle, dripping Holy Water from Heaven. A local tree expert says it’s aphid poop. The Archdiocese has no comment.
Moses y Jesús team up in ‘Prophetic Fight for Immigrant Rights’ (video)
When Moses attracts the attention of the MIGRA, he seeks out his amigo Jesús for some help. Can this Holy Tag Team come up with a miracle to defeat the haters? [Written and produced by: Josh Healey. Directed by: Yvan Iturriaga. Starring: Corey Fischer (Moses), Richard Montoya (Jesús), and Jeri Lynn Cohen (Zippy). Produced by: Favianna Rodriguez. Executive Produced by: Culture Strike.]
GOP, Christians reach out to millennials: ‘Rappin’ for Jesus’
If the GOP has any future, it needs fresh blood, according to young Christian conservatives at a recent right-wing confab.
And reaching “Millenials” means communicating in the languages These Kids Today know — sarcasm, hiphop, humor and snark.
“How do you make abortion funny?” That was a key question mulled at a major conservative gathering Friday on how to make social conservatism appealing to young people, after an election where Republicans got trounced in the battle for millennial voters (who are are moving even further and further away from the Christian-right on marriage and other issues).
Mas…GOP, Christians reach out to millennials: ‘Rappin’ for Jesus’
Breaking: Silicio Barrio startup demos 3D tortilla printer
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(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) Previously-secret startup MasaTek.com today unveiled a hardware/software combo that uses 3D printing to print corn or flour tortillas with the religious or brand image of your choice.
“The waiting is over!” Carlos Molinero, president of the Silicio Barrio company, told reporters here. “You need Jesus? He’s just a click away. La Virgen is always on deck!”
The WiFi-enabled printer is the size of a small microwave and has a hopper on top for masa. It uses open source 3D software, Molinero said, and is easily addressable with standard CAD tools.
Mas…Breaking: Silicio Barrio startup demos 3D tortilla printer
Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘MiJA Weekly’ Easter Spirit Special 4.01.13 (video)
This week on MiJA, I get into the Easter spirit while Google pisses a bunch of people off. Also, I don my pink rubber gloves and prove that you’re never too young for senior moments.
Happy Easter!
Life of Brian: ‘Always look on the bright side of life!’ (video + lyrics)
We’re with Brian: “If life seems jolly rotten, there’s something you’ve forgotten!” Happy Easter from all the Pochodores! (NSFW because they sing “shit.”)
Sing along with these handy lyrics (and guitar chords):
Mas…Life of Brian: ‘Always look on the bright side of life!’ (video + lyrics)
Team Spirit’s party anthem ‘Jesus, He’s Alright’ nails it (video)
Whatever you think about Jesus, no one can deny he throws an epic party. No loaves nor fishes were harmed in the filming of this new Team Sprit video. Baby, save the next life for me.
Why is ‘Il Santo Papa’ making up his own rules? I am really angry
OK, mi gente, now I am really, really angry. Since I have last written, I have thought long and hard about the present state of the Catholic Church.
It has occurred to me that the “speaking points” of Ash Wednesday, apply specifically to the Catholic Church and the immediate legal and public relations problems that beset it now. If you recall, the deacon spoke of things we might “give up” for Lent. Things such as:
Mas…Why is ‘Il Santo Papa’ making up his own rules? I am really angry
Leonardo Da Vinci’s ‘Last Supper’ goes to space, and a club (toons)
Re-imagining Jesus’ Last Supper may have started with Leonardo Da Vinci, but it didn’t stop there. Here’s JC and the Apostles, pictured in the Rebel Alliance cafeteria. And then there’s this painting of Galactica Commander Bill Adama…
Mas…Leonardo Da Vinci’s ‘Last Supper’ goes to space, and a club (toons)
Ñewsweek: The Chicano handshake, RATM, Bimbo ♥ Twinkie?
Make friends and influence people with a Chicano handshake?
That’s right, pochas y pochos, you too can reinforce your raza credibility with a puro handshake, as Subcommandanta del News Sara Inés Calderón demonstrates in her viral video. She illustrates the proper form for handshakes in Califas and Tejas plus throws in a variation that answers the musical question Why Can’t We Be Friends?
On the music front, Pocho Ñews Service Floridita Burro Jefe Santino J. Rivera takes a look at the contradiction between Rage Against the Machine’s message and some clueless fans’ love of the band. Hint: VP wannabe Paul Ryan isn’t the only doofus.
On the international business news beat, Subcommandante del Cultura Victor Payan blows the lid off the Republican effort to thwart the sale of bankrupt Hostess to Mexico’s Bimbo. Revelations from the TwinkieLeaks website include this money quote from GOP guru Karl Rove: “They can have my DingDong when they pry it from my cold, dead hand.”
And New Jack City Burro Jefe Elise Roedenbeck illuminates the softer side of South America with the sad tale of a Peruvian girl and her llama — a lament for lost youth, innocence and a little girl’s dreams.
These are top stories that broke the ñews on POCHO this week:
Dead Man Walking! Jesus at Hollywood Christmas Parade (photos)
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POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz was at the Hollywood Christmas Parade with his family Sunday night and spotted a special visitor striding the boulevard. He took these photos with his iPhone.
Here are bigger versions and two extra special celebrity photos — Gigantic Balloon Elmo and Black Pee Wee Herman:
Mas…Dead Man Walking! Jesus at Hollywood Christmas Parade (photos)
To: sw6n-34kd31fa8@dcjobs.craigslist.org Re: GOP Latino Wrangler
Dear Party of Lincoln:
I am very interested in the Latino Wrangler opening at the Republican National Committee you advertised on CraigsList.
My wife is half Mexican, my son is one-quarter Mexican and I have been to Mexico four times for cheap lobster, not that anyone's ethnicity would be used as a qualification for this job. I'm white, of course.
Mas...To: sw6n-34kd31fa8@dcjobs.craigslist.org Re: GOP Latino Wrangler
Ñewsweek: Romney el moreno; no photo, no voto; santo monkey
POCHO’s ñewsweek was all about the Mittster as the GOP wannabe wished he were a puro Latino, dissed half of America and looked mysteriously moreno on a Univision appearance.
But wait, there’s more! Sarah Silverman explained how the GOP is trying to keep you from voting, Latinas have racist vaginas, and that new monkey species discovered in Africa reminded us of…JESUS?
The links:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Romney el moreno; no photo, no voto; santo monkey
Pat Robertson: Tropical storm is God’s warning to Godless God-mockers
(PNS reporting from VIRGINIA) Rev. Pat Robertson told viewers of his 700 Club last night that Tropical Storm Isaac’s assault on the GOP National Convention in Florida is a warning to sinners.
“You goddam shit-for-brains idiots better pay some goddam attention or our Lord and Savior is gonna whip your sorry asses,” Robertson said. “Do you douchebags really think Our Father Who Art In Heaven will let you get away with this shit?”
“Jesus is cheesed the fuck off!” he told the estimated one million viewers of his Christian Broadcasting Network religious talk show. “Our glorious vengeful God is as angry as a hornet in a henhouse. He’s up in Heaven high, saying, ‘You little pussies, you don’t hate the homos enough! You let ’em get married ‘n’ shit? You are slacking off. I will now drown you. Enjoy the flood, mothafuckas!'”
“I’m talking to you, bitches!” he added.
Mas…Pat Robertson: Tropical storm is God’s warning to Godless God-mockers
Ñewsweek: Arizona racism? Thankfully, we have Jesus El Luchador
Arizona hate made POCHO headlines again this week; the Pocho Ocho crew came up with Pro Tips for white-collar Latinos plus eight caveats for goofy gabachos; and while AZ Gov. Jan Brewja haunted POCHO, Jesus Christos El Luchador (who drinks Corona with a lime, btw) made a miraculous appearance.
These big stories broke the ñews on POCHO this week:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Arizona racism? Thankfully, we have Jesus El Luchador
Jesus Christos and His 12 Apostle-Luchadores: ‘The Last Fiesta’ (toons)
Jesus drinks Corona, of course, and tacos, taquitos and burritos are on the menu in this painting of the Last Fiesta by Pale Horse, a fine art illustrator. Who is that drinking Tecate?
Pale Horse writes:
The Last Fiesta’ is my 12-skateboard deck shout-out to Leonardo da Vinci’s ‘The Last Supper’ with Jesus Christos and his 12 Luchador apostles getting down one last time. This piece was created for my solo exhibit Saints & Sinners, here at the Pale Horse Studio. Hand-made shadow box by Casey Paquet.
Mas…Jesus Christos and His 12 Apostle-Luchadores: ‘The Last Fiesta’ (toons)
Man hits breakfast taco with flyswatter, finds face of Jesus Christ
It was an ordinary day in Beeville, TX, according to Paul Gonzalez of the Beeville Bee-Picayune:
BEEVILLE— There was nothing inherently different about Ernesto Garza when he walked into the newspaper office with a piece of foil folded in half.
An older man who attends La Amistad Adult Daycare, Garza walked in, sat down and said, “I have something to show you.”
“I was sitting just like I am now,” Garza said. “I ate more than half of my taco, then a fly was flying around, so I grabbed the flyswatter, and I hit it, and when I looked down, I saw it.”
It was the face of Jesus looking up at him from his half-eaten tortilla.Mas…Man hits breakfast taco with flyswatter, finds face of Jesus Christ
Lasers in the Honduran jungle pinpoint lost White City of Gold
They tried to discredit the calendars that clearly show the Mayan Doomsday Apocalypse is set for December. They laughed at the evidence of Ancient Astronauts who worked with indigenous people to build the pyramids of Aztlan. But now their own lasers — lasers controlled by a university named after the man who ripped Tejas away from La Raza — now their lasers have found Ciudad Blanca, the legendary lost “White City” of gold in Honduras. Who is laughing now?
The University of Houston reports:
A field team from the University of Houston and the National Science Foundation (NSF) National Center for Airborne Laser Mapping (NCALM) has mapped a remote region of Honduras that may contain the legendary lost city of Ciudad Blanca.
Mas…Lasers in the Honduran jungle pinpoint lost White City of Gold