jobs

Trump’s ‘Supply-Side Jesus’ will make America great again (video)

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Donald Trump’s economic policies, unveiled yesterday in Detroit, would erase whatever meager protections we have left against out-of-control corporations, let polluters ruin our air, spoil our water, and boil our endangered planet, kill Obamacare, give rich people a tax break and ruin whatever progress we have made since George W. Bush and his Wall Street cronies caused the Great Recession.

How and why can the GOP justify this deluded douchebag’s proposals? It’s the Gospel of Supply-Side Jesus, as explained by now-Senator Al Franken (D-Minn.)

Welcome to your future, Citizen Worker Alice. Click here (videos)

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“Machines could take 50% of jobs in the next 30 years,” according to Rice University comp sci professor Moshe Vardi. What will that mean for Alice, holder of the last job on Earth?

Do not fear this dystopian future, pochos. The Last Job on Earth is a good thing, at least according to The Guardian.

On the other hand, if your job involves putting chairs back in place after a meeting in the conference room, you are out of luck. Check this video from Nissan:

Mas…Welcome to your future, Citizen Worker Alice. Click here (videos)

What are America’s Pocho Ocho Top Brownest Jobs?

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whitejobsfThe Atlantic analyzed the stats and guess what!? Some professions in the United Estates are positively teeming with white people — jobs like veterinarian, espeech sangwich pathologist and meelrye (chart excerpt, above).

Hurm, we said, perhaps we can fabricate a similar list of America’s brownest jobs.

“So let it be written, so let it be done!” said Pharoah, another white dude. And we did. Here’s our list of America’s Pocho Ocho Top Brownest Jobs:

8. Piñata Fluffer

7. Chief Cleavage Officer for Spanish Language TV Network News Division

6. Tia Guadalupe Gutierrez Santa Maria de Los Angeles y Zacatecas

Mas…What are America’s Pocho Ocho Top Brownest Jobs?

iJuan, smartphone app for day labor, scores $3,500,000 investment

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ijuan

(GUANAJUATO, MEXICO) iJuanCo, creator of iJuan, the first smartphone app to directly match day laborers and potential bosses, has secured a $3.5 million dollar investment from venture capital fund XS Dinero, iJuanCo company president Grito Del Toro announced here today.

Day laborers using the app will be able to register their schedules, skill set and service areas via iJuan, saving potential employers the hassle of cruising to Home Depot to hire workers while lessening the need for trabajeros to chase patrons’ trokas around the parking lot.

“We aim to disrupt the day labor market,” Del Toro said. “We’re turning wetbacks into techbacks!”

Mas…iJuan, smartphone app for day labor, scores $3,500,000 investment

Letter from Ex-MRS. POCHO: ‘All employees must vote for Romney’

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Dear Employees of Pochismo, Inc.:

As most of you know, the company continues to grow in spite of the half-assed crap job you do. However, I can’t really expect you to be good at anything, considering my huevon ex-husband, MR. POCHO, is your boss. A piñata has better leadership skills than him. That is why I am taking the initiative to educate you about the upcoming election.

Currently, your lack of talent poses no threat to your job status. What does pose a threat is another four years of the Obamanation Administration.

Having been awarded a substantial portion of POCHO stock as part of our divorce settlement, I have a great interest in your financial well-being. MR. POCHO and I started this company almost 11 months ago and even though I am heiress to the Jupína soda fortune, I have put my duties of exotic travel and party-time debauchery on hold in order to focus on POCHO’s growth.

Mas…Letter from Ex-MRS. POCHO: ‘All employees must vote for Romney’

@MexicanMitt on the DNC: THAT CONVENTION ESUCKED!

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COMO CHINGA ESE OBAMA.

If this Democratic convention was the FIESTA, then this yobs report is the CRUDA!

There is no bowl of menudo big enough to cure the mess that Barack Obama has failed to clean up after the frat boy party thrown by George W. Bush. Whoops, never mind that I mentioned what’s-his-face.

Even Julian Castro’s Menudo Cook-Off-winning abuela could not boil enough pansa for Americans to stomach four more years of Marxist Socialist Communism Veganism. I have no facts to back that up, but GUATEVER. I don’t need facts, I AM A RICH DUDE.

As for the actual Democrap convention, here’s my review:

Mas…@MexicanMitt on the DNC: THAT CONVENTION ESUCKED!

Mexican-American Chamber of Commerce: ‘Mexicans work better’

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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) The Mexican-American Chamber of Commerce and the U.S. Labor Department are launching a campaign to promote Hispanic workers.

The Mexicans Work Better campaign encourages American business owners to hire Latino workers for whatever jobs are open and at whatever salary.

“Since the Spanish arrival in the Americas, Latinos have been great workers. We want to encourage U.S. business owners to continue to hire them, at whatever cost,” Chamber of Commerce Executive Director Adrian García told a Monday morning press conference in the Watergate Hotel.

“By hiring Latino workers, business owners get people with a good work ethic, and Latinos get the chance to buy themselves a pack of tortillas — maybe even two. It’s a fair trade.”

Mas…Mexican-American Chamber of Commerce: ‘Mexicans work better’

New GOP plan: Blame Obama for ‘over-working’ America

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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) GOP strategists — concerned the declining jobless rate hurts their chances of winning the White House  — are now attacking the Obama Administration for causing rampant over-employment.

“Obama’s policies are creating more and more jobs. Haven’t Americans suffered enough these last three years?  Jobs are the last things they want,” Republican pollster Charlie “Chuck” Charles told a morning meeting of the Contradict Reality and Progress Political Action Committee (CRaP PAC.)

Mas…New GOP plan: Blame Obama for ‘over-working’ America