julian castro

Texas GOP politician’s Tweet makes him ‘Pendejo of the Month’

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univisiondebate(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Texas State Senator Dan Patrick, a Republican Lieutenant Governor wannabe, was named Pendejo of the Month Wednesday by the American Pochismo Institute (API.) The award followed his Univision debate Tuesday with San Antonio Mayor Julián Castro (photo.)

API’s designation, which is usually not revealed until the end of the month, was awarded Wednesday to Patrick for actions “Above And Beyond the Call of Douchery” after Patrick sent this Tweet Tuesday evening about how much he loves “Hispanics:”

Mas…Texas GOP politician’s Tweet makes him ‘Pendejo of the Month’

Cuban Reds say Raul Castro-Obama handshake betrayed Revolution

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(PNS reporting from HAVANA) El Presidente Comrade Raul Castro’s handshake with imperialist war criminal Barack Obama at the Nelson Mandela memorial service in South Africa was a slap in the face of the workers of the world and a betrayal of Cuba’s Communist Revolution, an old school Communist Bay of Pigs veteran charged Tuesday.

“That handshake marks a Day That Will Live in Infamy,” Ernesto “Little Che” Altacaca, 76, told everyone hanging out at People’s Barbershop #245 on Calle de Los Cadres. “It is like the Hitler-Stalin nonaggression pact (photo, below) combined with a very special episode of Chico and the Man.”

“Did El Presidente demand the Yanqui perro return Guantanamo?” the long-time area resident asked. “No! Did he demand an end to the embargo that has penalized the people for half a century? Nyet! Did he insist Obama recognize the workers’ rights to self determination without capitalist exploitation and immediately send six dozen complete gasket sets for 1954 Chrysler New Yorkers? No way! And what about Pete Seeger remitting that record business royalty money for the song he stole from the poor people of Guantanamera?”

Mas…Cuban Reds say Raul Castro-Obama handshake betrayed Revolution

Breaking: Hillary Clinton taps Julián Castro for VP spot

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clintoncastro(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Hillary Clinton formally announced her candidacy for President Sunday night, and PNS has learned San Antonio Mayor Julián Castro will be her running mate.

“Latinos are the ‘in’ thing — and Hillary knows that — she’s never been one to ignore what’s in vogue,” a source close to the campaign told PNS.

“Plus, all those Latino votes!”

Mas…Breaking: Hillary Clinton taps Julián Castro for VP spot

Ñewsweek: Romney el moreno; no photo, no voto; santo monkey

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POCHO’s ñewsweek was all about the Mittster as the GOP wannabe wished he were a puro Latino, dissed half of America and looked mysteriously moreno on a Univision appearance.

But wait, there’s more! Sarah Silverman explained how the GOP is trying to keep you from voting, Latinas have racist vaginas, and that new monkey species discovered in Africa reminded us of…JESUS?

The links:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Romney el moreno; no photo, no voto; santo monkey

Fake Mexicans: Why Julian Castro failed the Mexican test

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(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Can you speak eSpanish like Mexican Mitt? Can you dance around a sombrero at a moment’s notice? Do you crease your Dickies until they can cut through glass? If you answered “no” to any of these questions then you might be a fake Mexican, just like San Antonio Mayor Julián Castro.

In the latest “fake Mexican” scandal, Castro made headlines across the country as the first Latino keynote speaker at the Democratic National Convention earlier this month, but his glaring lack of forced Spanish catch-phrases has some people questioning his Mexican card. Some have even dared to call the vato a pocho…

Mas…Fake Mexicans: Why Julian Castro failed the Mexican test