masa

Chef with beard invents a grilled-cheese ‘taco’ that isn’t a quesadilla

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grilledcheesetacoAs our esteemed Associate Naranjero Gustavo ¡Ask a Mexican! Arellano has pointed out over and over, the taco is American as apple pie.

That’s why we weren’t surprised when we read reports of a marvelous new American “taco” creation, the grilled-cheese taco.

Although we think the so-called Elite Daily’s headline asserting that “You’ll Never Need a Tortilla Again” betrays the bleak gustatory horizons of an editor who has never eaten a proper tortilla (see videos below), we are thankful she included a link to the original recipe.

Originator FoodInMyBeard blog (original recipes and mashups by Dan Whalen) lays out the rationale:

Mas…Chef with beard invents a grilled-cheese ‘taco’ that isn’t a quesadilla

When life hands you a blob of masa, make tamales!

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tamaleexpert

When I arrived at Northgate Gonzalez market and was immediately handed a free apron that read I ❤️ Tamales and several blobs of uncooked masa, I knew immediately I had made the right decision for a Friday night.

Even my mother, who invited herself along after her favorite novela was cancelled due to soccer, looked grudgingly impressed. She’d spent the entire ride complaining  she did not need tamales-cooking classes because she was a world-class tamales expert.

Let me be clear: In all the years I’ve been alive, my mother has never produced a single tamal.

Instead, she criticizes everyone else’s tamales.

Mas…When life hands you a blob of masa, make tamales!

Don’t cry for me Argentina: How NOT to make a taco! (video)

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mexikoshertacoThis is HOW NOT MAKE A TACO … NO NO NO NO

Chef Katsuji Tanabe of Mexikosher got all indignant on his Facebook page, and he wasn’t the only one. Why so mad? It’s that darn Argentinian Chef Maru Botana and her how-to-make-a-taco video.

Argentine Chef Maru Botana Crucified On Twitter For Mocking Mexican Food was the headline in the “Latin Times,” an English-language website despite its name. Maria G. Valdez reporting [*Latin translation by Google below.]:

Mas…Don’t cry for me Argentina: How NOT to make a taco! (video)

Breaking: Silicio Barrio startup demos 3D tortilla printer

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(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) Previously-secret startup MasaTek.com today unveiled a hardware/software combo that uses 3D printing to print corn or flour tortillas with the religious or brand image of your choice.

“The waiting is over!” Carlos Molinero, president of the Silicio Barrio company, told reporters here. “You need Jesus? He’s just a click away. La Virgen is always on deck!”

The WiFi-enabled printer is the size of a small microwave and has a hopper on top for masa. It uses open source 3D software, Molinero said, and is easily addressable with standard CAD tools.

Mas…Breaking: Silicio Barrio startup demos 3D tortilla printer

Dear Abuelita: Foreskin and seven years ago, I’ve got man boobs

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Dear Abuelita,
I have still my cuero (foreskin) and I was wondering if I get circumcised will I feel better when I am inside a choncho or will I be wasting my ficha.
Signed, Extra Carne

Dear Extra Carne Carnal,
Some people dislike extra carnita on their flauta but a little foreskin can be fun during foreplay. I can’t tell you how many times I played peek-a-boo with uncut pee-pees. Now you see it – now you don’t. Now you see it – oh, the laughs we had.

Mas…Dear Abuelita: Foreskin and seven years ago, I’ve got man boobs

Pocho Ocho U.S. military secret special operations

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The minute we heard the United States Air Force had planned and carried out Operation Chimichanga, we knew there had to be more to the story.  Our Pentagon sources confirmed the hunch:  The inspiration for the “chimichanga” code name was the way the Tex-Mex fried-burrito-belly-busters incapacitated unwary diners every time.  The brass hats’ hope was that secret teams in state-of-the-art aircraft could make the enemy moan just like fajita-fed TGIFridays customers on Cinco de Mayo.

There is more to the story — the pocho ocho secret Pentagon operations still in the planning stages:

8. Operation Don’t Drink the Water: Secret “wetback” forces from the Navy SEALS sneak into enemy territory and dose the water  with “pedo-biotic” agents bioengineered to cause widespread “Montezuma’s Revenge.”  This is expected to cause pandemic personal distress, lessen the enemy’s fighting capability and reduce water pressure.

7. Operation Hot Tamale: Inspired by the guetherman’s motto of “cool today, hot tamale,” stealthy airborne drones seed enemy skies with specially-formulated lard and masa pellets that trap your fat, screw your cholesterol and clot your veins. 

Mas…Pocho Ocho U.S. military secret special operations

Pocho Ocho new merit badges for Latina Girl Scouts

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These Girl Scouts are not in this story

Latina girls are the key to growth for the Girl Scouts,  and the organization needs to shift culturally to accommodate these new scouts.

How do you bring in a new crop of Latina scouts? How about some new Merit Badges?

8. Touting Trenzas.

It may be India María style or Frida Kahlo style, but any good Latina needs to know how to work the hair art. Whether it be one braid or two, a French braid or any other variety.

7.  Masa Mashing.

Scouts need to know how to mash masa around between their hands in a variety of ways. Masa mashing can be the cultural equivalent of chopping, the manner in which masa is mashed alluding to unspoken or subtle feelings, including: anger, happiness, interest, nervousness, etc.

Mas…Pocho Ocho new merit badges for Latina Girl Scouts