mayan apocalypse

Ñewsweek: Latina’s lament, Jean Naté returns, video editor fired

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In East L.A., activist Vanessa “Coyolxauhqui” García had a sad and broke down crying at a community meeting right before the end of the year. Garcia was distraught at the gap between her aspirations and the sad state of the world.

In the San Fernando Valley, adult video editor Roberto Mendoza faced an uncertain future after being fired for browsing Internet spreadsheets at work.

And in New Jersey, a bottle of Jean Naté was regifted to its original gifter 19 years after its purchase at Rexall.

In the final year of the Mayan Apocalypse, the Year of the Chancla, these stories broke the ñews on POCHO:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Latina’s lament, Jean Naté returns, video editor fired

Ñewsweek: We’re gonna party like it’s 19-ninety-Mayan!

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It was the first of days, it was the last of days, it was Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012, The End of the World As We Know It. Or was it?

The beginning of the end, the middle of the end and the end itself dominated the ñews on POCHO this week.

Here are the week’s top stories:

Around Our Town: Where to go, what to do for the Mayan Apocalypse

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Rancho Pocho and surrounding communities will be alive with excitement tonight as everyone awaits the End of the World As We Know It at midnight local time. Don’t stay at home — party hardy or die Mayan!

Here’s what’s going on around town:

• FOR THE GENTS: In the Rancho Pocho Downtown Historic District, Club Rico for Gentlemen is offering no cover admission to a special presentation by the North Pole Dancers, the chillest elvettes to ever stuff a thong. Dressed as Santa? All lap dances are 50% off!  Prices good until midnight, of course.

• FOR THE LADIES: Don’t be fat at the end of the world — burn fat at the Grand Opening of the new Spin ‘N’ Thin Spa located where the Gun ‘N’ Run sporting goods store used to be on Miramar in Pocho Hills. Burn, baby, burn with “all you can spin” classes at two-for-one prices. Bring your BFF and spin till you barf at one low price. It’s never too spin to be thin! Special available until midnight.

Mas…Around Our Town: Where to go, what to do for the Mayan Apocalypse

Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012: Volcanoes and tsunamis (video)

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In an age when books have trailers, some trailers float higher in the flotsam and jetsam of mass-market, dead-tree publishing, especially when they graphically portray the destructive American volcanos and Atlantic tsunamis that will rock your world on Dec. 21. [See POCHO’s Mexclusive Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012 Countdown Clock in the right column of this page.]

Ñewsweek: Mitt’s party pix, Mayan survival tips, Latino outreach

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POCHO photogs landed in Florida just in time to capture candid snapshots of Gov. Mitt Romney’s scandalous party escapades, we published a handy CLIP & SAVE Guide to preparing your Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012 Survival Kit and uncovered the frat-boys-gone-wild music video that rich college student Romney made with his friends — it’s (surprise! surprise!) Mexican-themed and all about Dinero.

These top stories broke the ñews this week:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Mitt’s party pix, Mayan survival tips, Latino outreach

Pocho Ocho must-have Mayan Apocalypse survival kit items

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With Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012 under three months away, time is running out to assemble the emergency survival supplies you’ll need in your underground shelter. [Check our countdown clock in the right column.]

Remember:

Unforeseen dangers and unknown entities will be lurking in your No-Tech Future Hell on Earth (think Mad Max meets the chupacabra), what you have with you will determine whether you live or die.

Aside from rice, beans, water, sanitary supplies and beer (which will also be the means of exchange, i.e., money), these are the pocho ocho top items you need:

-------------- ✂ CLIP & SAVE ✂ --------------

8. Aqua Net
7. VapoRub
6. Switchblade (for him)
5. Chanclas (for her)

Mas…Pocho Ocho must-have Mayan Apocalypse survival kit items

Mayan Doomsday experts can’t agree on how long is left

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(PNS reporting from the YUCATAN) The emergency Leap Year meeting of the Eschatological Chronology Society ended in disarray here Thursday as doomsday gurus couldn’t agree on whether the Mayan Apocalypse should be calculated in Colored People’s Time, Chicano Time or Jewish Standard Time.

Scientists at the conference were hoping to resolve the question before Leap Day on Feb. 29 and go home with a solid fix on how many days are left before the Lunar-Based Aliens from Mars that NASA is hiding do their Lunatic thing and immanentize the eschaton.

Now the tick-tock boffins will have to reconvene and deduce the time warp again.

Mas…Mayan Doomsday experts can’t agree on how long is left