¡Tres de asada, por favor!
(PNS reporting from CHIAPAS, MX) Subcommandante Marcos, leader of the Zapatista rebels (EZLN) in southern Mexico, has announced that he is leaving the group’s leadership.
He said he no longer spoke on behalf of EZLN but will instead focus on his restaurant empire in Chicago.
Today’s word is chipotle, a smoke-dried jalapeño chile pepper. It’s also the name of a national food chain. It’s a difficult word to pronounce properly, so listen closely.
PREVIOUSLY ON CHIPOTLE:
Mas…Proper Pronunciation for Pochos: ‘How to Say Chipotle’ (video)
Sweet and Tasty TV’s Professor Oh checks out the Mexican food at Vatos Urban Tacos in Seoul, South Korea. It’s puro L.A. fusion style – Korean kalbi beef tacos a la Kogi, pork carnitas and Baja-style fish tacos. Fresh guacamole and cool Coronas, too. Not to mention Nutella nachos.
PREVIOUSLY ON MEXICAN FOOD:
Mas…Authentic tacos in Seoul, South Korea – and Nutella nachos (video)
It’s not news that the “beef” in Taco Bell’s “beef” tacos was only 88% actual “beef.” POCHO amigo Gustavo Arellano was all over that years ago. But wassup with the other 12%?
The mystery ended Tuesday as the fast-food chain came clean about the secret ingredients which the company says are all “completely safe and approved by the FDA.”
“They do have weird names,” Taco Bell wrote on its website, ”perfect for tongue twisters!…They’re common ingredients also found in food items at your grocery store.”
As a public service, we’re happy to present the complete list, as if any of you pochos go to Taco Bell at all:
Mas…Taco Bell reveals secret 12% ingredients in 88% ‘beef’ tacos
The Food Network’s magazine picked the best taco in each of America’s 50 states, plus one for the District of Columbia.
Do you agree with the choices near you?
To start out, here are their picks for California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Illinois, New York and Florida:
Mas…Food Network picks best tacos in each state — do you agree?
Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you feel a little Mexican. Am I right, people? ¡Orale! Let’s hear it out there! Give it up for the Mexicans! You, Pedro wearing the Pendleton, put down the filero before you applaud. OK. No offense, ese. Just sayin’.
Everybody feels Mexican in this this goofy 1987 commercial from the “casual dining” chain Chi-Chi’s — including the popo!
The outfit closed in this country in ten years ago but will forever be remembered for the invention of the word “salsification.”
PREVIOUSLY ON MEXICAN FOOD COMMERCIALS:
Mas…Sometimes you feel a little … Mexican @ Chi-Chi’s (video)
Can we have some more beans, Mr. Taggart?
PREVIOUSLY ON BEANS:
Mas…#FFF #FelizFrijolFriday: The ‘Blazing Saddles’ campfire scene (video)
Sonali Kolhatkar of Uprising Radio asks Gustavo Arellano about his book Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America and Gus is full of answers.
PREVIOUSLY ON TACOS:
Mas…Gustavo Arellano tells radio about all about tacos (video)
Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Happy Valemtines Day!
I haf the perfect parry idea. What is red and espicy and uses a blindfold? Get jur mind out of the basura (thas trash for you pochos.) Is the Valentimes Hot Sauce Taste Test. This is one test that is fun to estudy for!
What is it? Ju put numbers on little paper cups and then little bit of each of jur favorite hot sauces in the little paper cups. Ju can use Tapatio, Cholula, Bufalo, Red Rooster, what ever ju like. Then ju put a handkerchief to cover someone’s eyes and they taste. They try to guess which hot sauce is in each little cup. Fun, no?
Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Valentine’s Day Hot Salsa Blind Tasting Test
Gringo Patrick DeGuire grew up in Southern California so he knows his comida mexicana [NSFW adult humor.]
PREVIOUSLY ON TACO BELL:
Mas…Gringo explains: Taco Bell is not Mexican food (NSFW video)
The Perennial Plate ate some good food in Mexico and refried it into a beautiful and tempting one-minute video, One Minute in Mexico. The music is Por El Suelo by Olmeca.
A 28-year-old San Antonio, TX man is the can after threatening a waitress with a sword in an attempt to scare her into giving up a half dozen tacos, which Wikipedia describes as “a traditional Mexican dish composed of a corn or wheat tortilla folded or rolled around a filling.”
“Mr. [Adam] Kramer was yelling that he wanted his free tacos or somebody was going to die,” authorities said in an affadavit for his arrest, according to Raw Story. Kramer is being held in Bexar County Jail on $50,000 bail.
PREVIOUSLY ON TEXAS TACOS:
Mas…From Texas: ‘Give me six tacos or I’ll kill you with a sword!’
Running out of Christmas gift ideas for the little pochito in your life?
How about doubling down with a Comida Mexicana duo that wraps your baby up like a burrito in a tortilla-colored blanket and keeps his/her cute little cabeza warm with a hat that looks like the corn husk knot that secures tamales?
Bon Vivant Baby has you covered for only $48. [Baby not included.]
PREVIOUSLY ON BURRITO-LOOKING BABIES:
Link via MiBlogEsTuBlog.
Editor’s Note: POCHO Subcomandanta del Ñews Sara Inés Calderón wants to remind you it is one tamal and two tamales; one frijol, two frijoles; one asshol, two assholes, etc.
Todd Mills, who came up with the idea for Doritos Locos Tacos, lost his battle with cancer on Thanksgiving. The Little Rock, Arkansas father of two was 41 (photo, above.)
Mills started the Facebook page “Taco Shells from Doritos Movement” in 2009, encouraging followers to “tell Frito-Lay that we demand nacho cheesy taco shells!”
On the page, Mills posted photoshopped images of well known figures including Albert Einstein with a cheesy taco shell in a thought bubble, Steve Jobs holding a Macbook with a cheesy taco shell on the screen and Chuck Norris doing a karate kick while holding a cheesy taco shell….
Mas…Visionary behind Doritos Locos Tacos dies at 41 (photos + video)
Hola. Is Tia Lencha here.
Ju want to give presens to eberyone on your Chrismas list or Chanukah or Kwanzaa or Reyes Magos or Chinese Year but ju are short on dinero? No worry! Tia Lencha is going to give ju recipe for to make the oven roast red salsa!
Is nice! Is a good gift for the peoples! And is easy! No like making mole for Turkey Day.
I make this salsa to give to my comadres and the lob it. They have little hearts in their eyes when they see my salsa. They eat with almost eberything. They say they fight their childrens and viejos to eat the last drops of it in the jar. Is that good. Oso, it don’t matter if the peoples are no Mexican. The peoples at my job are no Mexican and they ask me for the salsa.
Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Roasted red Chanukah Christmas Kwanzaa salsa
Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Sorry I no give ju recetas (recipes for ju pochos) for a gwhile. I was closed like the gobernment. Mijo’s daddy no send the cheques for the mijo support. I mad.
Then he go to my house crying because the eskelton eskank he marry left him for another viejo (old man for ju pochos). The viejo had more dinero and drive a troka (thas truck for ju pochos) with plastic bolitas hanging from the bumper. Oh gwell.
In Mexico we say mijo’s daddy got put horns. Mijo’s daddy cry and cry but he no give me my mijo support cheque. I tell him my house is no LenchaCare. He need to pay. He say need money for divorce the eskank. I have to go to the offices to get him to pay.
Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: How I make turkey in Mole Poblano for mijo
This is HOW NOT MAKE A TACO … NO NO NO NO
Chef Katsuji Tanabe of Mexikosher got all indignant on his Facebook page, and he wasn’t the only one. Why so mad? It’s that darn Argentinian Chef Maru Botana and her how-to-make-a-taco video.
Argentine Chef Maru Botana Crucified On Twitter For Mocking Mexican Food was the headline in the “Latin Times,” an English-language website despite its name. Maria G. Valdez reporting [*Latin translation by Google below.]:
Mas…Don’t cry for me Argentina: How NOT to make a taco! (video)
Happy Day of the Dead! Is Tia Lencha here. Many people ask me questions about Dia de Los Muertos. I answer the questions today.
Question numero one: Tia Lencha wass this Dia de los Muertos? Is it the Mexican Halloween?
Gwell, kind of, I say. Except that the Day of the Dead celebrations come from the indigenous pagan rituals that trace back 2,500 to 3,000 years ago. Way before Duane Reade sold Halloween candy.
Question numero two: Tia Lencha, wassup with the calaveras (“skulls” for you pochos)?
Bueno, before Jesus came along, people used to keep skulls of their loved ones (and maybe not so loved ones) as trophies. They showed off the skulls during the rituals as symbols of death and rebirth. Kind of heavy, no? I never say my history was all tequila shots and tacos.
Also, calaveras can be short poems, like epitaphs like to mock your friends. Like you can make fun of them on their tombstones. Like for mijo’s daddy, I wrote a calavera about him call “Oscar Meyer” because he like to stick his weenie ebrywhere! He no think it was so funny.
Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina explains El Dia de Los Muertos for you pochos
It doesn’t make for better or faster food — or healthier — but accordian music sure makes ordering at the McDonald’s drive-through window more fun!
PREVIOUSLY ON FAST FOOD BURGERS:
Mas…Ordering ‘comida rápida’ at McDonald’s, Mexican style (video)
Wil Wheaton (@WilW on Twitter) sure loves him some chips and salsa. [Hover over, then click the speaker icon in the top left corner of the video for Wheaton’s incisive commentary.]
PREVIOUSLY ON WIL WHEATON:
According to either the National Taco Industry Council, or some drunk person who also just made this up, today is National Taco Day in the United Estates.
And it says so, on to the online hub of this holiday, NationalTacoDay.com:
In 2012, Americans ate 4.5 billion tacos!
That’s 490,000 miles of tacos, which could take you to the moon and back or, if you prefer, could, at 775-million pounds, equal the weight of two Empire State Buildings.
Damn, that just makes me feel fat. Also on their site, they state oddly that:
This is an epic rant by @LuckyShirt, who says he is not really THAT angry:
Have you ever been to Earth? On Earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat.
Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends.
Mas…Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito: Have you ever been to Earth?
Nicole Presley is joined by a foul-mouthed Vieja Chile Verde who would rather be using a molcajete than a blender as they make pork with green chiles and potatoes. Presley explains:
Zapata’s Mexican Cantina in Shanghai, China, makes its mission clear on its website:
CADA DIA ES FIESTA – EVERYDAY IS A PARTY OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK from 6pm till late
I accompanied MR. POCHO on a trip to Washington, D.C. He said if we took photos and put them online then the trip would be deductible as a business expense. OK, then.
After we visited the White House, we went to look at where our money went — over at the Department of the Treasury:
Are you depressed? Shy? Trouble coming out of your shell? Do you sometimes feel you should be more assertive? Ask your doctor if tequila is right for you.
Taco Bell’s latest offering — Artisanal Soft-Shell Tacos — became available in several test markets across America today. The proprietary softening process uses only natural organic softeners (shown here being applied by a Taco Bell artisan chef) to turn crispy Cool Ranch Doritos taco shells into something foldable, stuffable and, ultimately, eatable. Try some today!
Here in San Angeles there would be no restaurants without Mexicans in the kitchen. But they’re not cooking what you think.
