Mexican Food

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Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Food Network goes ‘Mexican’ for Cinco de Mayo

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Oh. Hi. Is Tia Lencha here. Don’t talk loud. My cabeza hurts.

Tia Lencha went to a restaurante with mariachis and micheladas and little mini tacos jesterday. She had more micheladas than tacos, and gwell. Is not her fault. The tacos were spensive and the size for the dolls to eat.

So she stay at home putting ice on her cabeza, drinking the water and seeing the Food Network on the TV. And ju know what? They try to be Mexican for Cinco de Mayo.

The first thing I notice is the Cacique cheese commercial a million times. Not estrange except that the voice of an Americano says to go “awtenteeco” like they are translating for all the gringos. Then what’s his name (Aaron Sancho?) from the eshow Chopped appear and shows food and then says all the words in espanish right.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Food Network goes ‘Mexican’ for Cinco de Mayo

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: The Hipster Taco

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Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Today I going to help you make my new faborite taco. The other day I saw my mijo making sonething in the kishen. I so proud. He like to cook like his mama.

I say, “Mijo, what you making?”

He say, “A taco.”

I see that he was using corn tortillas, crumble Oaxaca cheese, scramble eggs, salsa chipotle, and potato ships. I was confuse.

“Mijo, are ju putting ships in the tacos?”

“Yes.”

“Why you do that?”

“I ate one like this at the hipster taco trock” he say, looking like a little mouse that ate all of the cheese in the mouse trap and then runned away.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: The Hipster Taco

Pocho Ocho new Mexican-flavored products (like Tapatio Cheetos)

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Some, like POCHO amigo Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano, say it started with Tapatio-flavored Fritos, Doritos, and Ruffles.

Others trace the flavor reconquista to Starbucks’ testing out nopal-flavored espresso drinks in East Los Angeles. But know this: The national introduction of Tapatio-flavored Lays potato chips next week is only the beginning.

Flavoristas say you should look out for these Pocho Ocho Mexican-flavored products in the near future:

8. Horchata-flavored Jaegermeister: Hormeister!

7. Tres Flores presents serrano-chile-flavored bigote wax — sabor picante is just a lick away

6. Chia Coke

Mas…Pocho Ocho new Mexican-flavored products (like Tapatio Cheetos)

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Delicious aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day salsa

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I’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha.

Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day.

M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his daddy are divorce because his daddy like to stick his weenie ebrywhere.

M’ijo usually checks my espelling but oh gwell. Since I have a little gwhile, I give you the recipe for Aphrodisiac Salsa.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Delicious aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day salsa

Back from Baja vacay, local man laments Cabo’s lack of Mexican food

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(PNS reporting from PHILADELPHIA) Bobby Mueller doesn’t want to be unkind, really. “My mother taught me that if you don’t have something nice to say, it’s better to say nothing at all,” he explains. “But the so-called Mexican food in Cabo San Lucas bites the big one.”

The University City marketing rep, who returned Sunday night from a week-long vacation on the southern tip of Mexico’s Baja California peninsula, was complaining to friends at a local brew-pub-salumeria.

“I spent an entire week looking for decent quinoa taquitos with pesto guacamole,” the self-described ‘foodie’ said, “and do you think I found them anywhere? No dice, dude. Zilch. Nada!”

Mas…Back from Baja vacay, local man laments Cabo’s lack of Mexican food

Tia Lencha’s holiday survival secrets for Mexicans in New York City

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Is Tia Lencha here! Feliz Navidad!

So people ask me, Tia Lencha do you have recipes for Christmas? Not really, I say. Instead I have some Secretos for celebrating the Navidad in New York City. There are no mucho Mexicans here so you have to be esmart about it so you don’t have the stress. And you need to have a Metro Card.

First, the are too many mucho peoples out chopping for presents. Tia Lencha don’t like standing in line for an hour to buy a sweater.

Thas why I use more time to buy my mijo his presents, I give to him on January 6, the day of the Tres Reyes (three kings for you pochos.) Mijo writes a letter to the three kings to tell them what he wants for his present. Instead of leaving cookies for Santa Claus, mijo leaves some grass in his shoe box under the bed for the camels of the three kings to eat. Then his present is put in the box with the grass for the camels. Like magic no?

Mas…Tia Lencha’s holiday survival secrets for Mexicans in New York City

Rick Bayless is National Council of La Raza’s ‘Mexican of the Year’

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(PNS reporting from GRINGOLANDIA) After being awarded the prestigious Order of the Aztec Eagle by the Mexican government in June, culinary guru and TV star Rick Bayless has been selected by the National Council of La Raza as their 2012 Mexican of Year.

“Generalissimo” Bayless (as he has been dubbed by NPR’s Scott Simon), famed for swooping into indigenous communities, stealing their recipes and making millions from them, is pumped:

It is an honor to represent La Razza and I intend to make them muy, muy, MUY proud of me.

“I am absolutely floored by this, guys! Really! I mean, when I got the Aztec thing, I was like: ‘Whoa!’ But this? Man…this will really up my street cred! Viva La Razza!” Bayless said.

Mas…Rick Bayless is National Council of La Raza’s ‘Mexican of the Year’

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Mexican flag three-color salsa for El Grito

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Happy Day of the Mexican Independence!

Is Tia Lencha here. Today we make a salsa that is the colors of the Mexican bandera (flag for you pochos).

Tia Lencha is all dress in her green, white, and red to celebrate El Grito, but all of her pocho and gringo friends is a little confuse. They are no in the streets today, wearing the big sombreros, fake bigotes (mustaches for you pochos), and drinking like pescados (fish for you pochos.)

This is the day for the Mexicans to celebrate 200 years free from Christopher Colombus and his amigos, and Indians turning on their own people, and diseases, and dying by the millions, and survive only to be treated like caca by the colonizers.

Thas a lot to celebrate if ju ask Tia Lencha.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Mexican flag three-color salsa for El Grito

Hold on — you mean those taco copters could be for reals?

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It started out as a very well-executed hoax.

A Silly Valley startup was marrying advanced four-rotor light helicopter technology with America’s love of Mexican food to create a breakthrough business: Smart-phone-directed delivery of tacolicious love to your location.

Blogger Dan Shapiro:

The Tacocopters are coming. Sure, the original pitch was a clever troll aimed at credulous and impatient fast-food junkies. But the numbers don’t lie – a typical taco weighs less than a pound, and aircraft that can autonomously fly a few dozen ounces of payload to your doorstep are already available for around a thousand bucks. Amazon Prime is cool, and I can’t wait for self-driving delivery cars – but there’s a reason they call a beeline a beeline. Flying autonomous deliverybots are coming. Fast.

And if these choppers could also deliver cold, refreshing cerveza? The world would beat a mousetrap to their door!

¡Mira! An inspired hardware hacker just built a proof of concept that moves the technology a step closer to reality — the beer copter:

Mas…Hold on — you mean those taco copters could be for reals?

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Rajas con crema if you don’t espeak English

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Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Today I give you the recipe for Rajas con Crema. This was inspire by a trip to the store that sells Mexican things like dancing papier mâché skeletons, Frida Kahlo key chains, overpriced things for the wall. You know, is like Mexican Disneyland. I went in looking for a rebozo to give as a present for my comadre’s birthday.

I find the skinny hipster girl behind the cash register and I say, “Do you have any rebozos?”

“What’s that?” she say.

Anyone who knows Tia Lencha knows that she wanted to give the hipster girl a coco in la cabeza. “What do you mean what’s that? Is…a shawl…like you call it in English.”

“Oh. No,” she say.

“No what?”

“We don’t have those here,” she say. And she turn around like we were finish.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Rajas con crema if you don’t espeak English

Mayan Apocalypse 2012: Meet the word’s first burrito-making robot

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Screenshot of the Burritob0t project page
A cute logo is included with every burrito!

Yes, we know the TacoCopter, the food-delivering unmanned aerial vehicle, was a gosh darn internet hoax, but this new Burritob0t with a web page and tech specs and photos filled with truthiness is the real thing. We swear!

TechCrunch reports:

So this guy at NYU made something special. Are you listening? Put down your phone. Listen. So they made a machine that prints… no, don’t check Twitter. They made a machine that prints burritos. It’s called Burritob0t. I know, right? Seriously. Slow down with the porn for a second. This is important.

Mas…Mayan Apocalypse 2012: Meet the word’s first burrito-making robot

Food safety cops spot mysterious (Mexican?) CACA ‘intruder virus’

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Two modifications were found in chile DNA — are they a clue to the ‘intruder virus’ creator?

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) The anti-import National Food Safety Workshop (NFSW) here claims a dangerous foreign food virus is infecting Caucasian-American digestive systems nationwide.

The comida cops say the virus is spread by manipulating the DNA of four foods native to Mexico — chiles, avocado, corn and agave.

“We’re calling it the CACA Virus,” says NFSW chief researcher Dr. Creflo Smith-Buster. “It’s something we had hoped we’d never see – a genetically-modified steaming turd of an illegal alien scientific conundrum on the pristine white floor of an American lab.”

Mas…Food safety cops spot mysterious (Mexican?) CACA ‘intruder virus’

Dear Mr. Politically-Correct Burrito Preservationist: WTF?

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God bless America, and the moo-shu pork burrito

This guy Juan Faura is all pissed off because burritos aren’t just the way he wants them to be anymore. Now they have icky stuff in them. Breakfast stuff sometimes. Bleu cheese even. The Horror!

Bleu cheese and chikken (yes with two Ks) with thyme “burrito” really?  Burrito?  What is going on?  I’ll tell you what’s going on, someone has come in the dead of night and quietly, with full knowledge and malice, abducted our beloved “burrito”.

Definitions can be either prescriptive or descriptive. You can prescribe that a puro pizza must be made with tomato, basil and cheese only, or it isn’t really a pizza. Or describe that in wacky Califas, we have Thai barbecued chicken pizzas, and carnitas picsa and Oh! there’s The Horror again.

People are always trying to keep things “pure.” In Spain, the Royal Academy wants to regulate Spanish. Words they don’t like — new words, loan words, Spanglish words that are actually spoken — are forbidden. They fight a losing battle, because the only constant in language is change, despite the king and his court.

This mad delusion is everywhere. In poor, flooded Bangla Desh, they are trying to outlaw the mixture of Bengali and English called Banglish. POCHO pities the fools.

Mas…Dear Mr. Politically-Correct Burrito Preservationist: WTF?

PochoCast #4: Alcaraz/Madrigal ‘Cinco de Mayo fever jumps the shark’

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Listen to Los Dos Amigos -- they know a guy

POCHO’s Lalo Alcaraz, Jefe-in-Chief, and Al Madrigal, Migrant Editor, Skype truth to power in PochoCast Number Four.

The long-distance interlocutors are all about Cinco de Mayo fever, Mexican Mitt Romney, Gustavo Arellano,  Taco John’s,  SB1070, Obama, the Dream Act, Los Lobos, Latino USA, Taco USA, La Cucaracha, Ann Romney, Twitter, hate mail, the Politico blog, FU money, MEChA, the Walmart Mexico bribery scandal, and this guy Al knows.

Although the podcast is recommended listening for your morning commute, do not listen while shaving, frying bacon (naked or not) or inserting contact lenses due to danger of cuts, burns and/or pokes in the eye.  No warranty expressed or implied. Your mileage may vary. We don’t speak your crazy moon language.

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Make all your beans come true

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Hi. Is Tia Lencha here. Sorry I haven been on the blogue. I don’t like to complains, but I have a son, and varicose veins. But I have to tell you about when I was making a pot of beans and I remember the time when I help my hijo make his dream come true.

It was summer and I was still with mijo’s father. Mijo and I stayed at home during the vacations from school. Mijo say he was bore being at the house, so I say, “why don’t we make a project?”

Mijo, who was six year old, say, “Can we make something?”

Oh! So cute! I say, “Yes, mijo, what do you want to make?”

He thought for a little bit and say, “I want to make the perfect pedo.”

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Make all your beans come true

Ñewsweek: New Mexico wants tourists — light-skinned tourists

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State tourist official does the New Mexican hat dance when a reporter asks about the casting call advertisement

This POCHO ñewsweek is brought to you in living — and dying — color.

In the Southwest, New Mexico’s tourist board is casting a commercial to promote visits to the state. Who do they want to play the tourists in their commercial? “Caucasians and light-skinned Hispanics.”

And in the Southeast, Florida cowers in the Spotlight o’ Shame as the country asks why an unarmed teenager was killed by a self-styled neighborhood watch vigilante.

These are the stories that made the ñews this week:

Mas…Ñewsweek: New Mexico wants tourists — light-skinned tourists

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Nopales for gringos y pochos

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Gwell, I am writing this blogue porque my son said that we went on the google because he was doing a reporte for school.

Y you know what happened when he typed “Mexican Chef”? He said a white guy from Oklahoma popped up first, like he was the most important chef in Mexico or something. So, he tole me I can make better tamales than this gringo with a white mustache and I tole him, yeah, I can.

My pobre son is a little pocho, so him and other pochitos out there have to learn how to make the real food from our homeland. None of that nouveau Latin cuisine shit. My comadre tole me I’m too Mexican for the Food Network. I tole her I don’t want to be on camera anygway cuz I hate my arms.

My blogue is not gonna be call “Spicy It Up” or “Super Delicioso” or nothing like that. There is no going to be no salsa music (whish is Cuban by the gway) playing in the background. Is just me, Tia Lencha, in my cocina with my apron and my son typing on his computer.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Nopales for gringos y pochos

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