The Christmas Idol panel of judges is a tough one. Santa Claus, Lady Sharoun the Purple and Jesus H. Christ Himself have power to make a contestant’s dreams come true. Can Shakila (Roberta Valderrama) win them over with her hot hot hot version of Feliz Navidad?
PREVIOUSLY ON ROBERTA VALDERRAMA:
Mas…Will Shakila’s ‘Feliz Navidad’ win the next ‘Christmas Idol’? (video)
I’m so sick of Christmas and December isn’t even a week old!
Every year it’s the same crap over and over again. I mean, I wasn’t even finished pretending not to eat Halloween candy before people started playing that Christmas music — don’t even get me started on the music! It’s like, let’s take a has-been artist and have them pump out some horrible tripe and force everyone to remember why they became irrelevant in the first place, all the while pretending like we’re enjoying the tunes.
You know, all those songs were written during a time when my grandparents weren’t even allowed to go into certain restaurants. “No Mexicans, No Dogs” is what the door signs used to say. “White Christmas” indeed!
(PNS reporting from EDINBURG, TX) They just about went deaf, but Alcario and Isela Garza braved a radio station’s sonic assault and managed to safely enter the Rancho Sinaloa grocery store here yesterday.
The Garzas — who had just left their yoga class — entered the relatively-quiet food market after surviving 150 decibels of banda coming from a radio station’s “Chingona Van.” The painted-like-a-billboard electric blue truck was parked next to the front entrance, blasting Banda Machos’s La Culebra at top volume.
Radio La Chingona, the Rio Grande Valley’s number one station, was giving out free bumper stickers and hotdogs, and Las Chingonas — two women in radio station cheerleader outfits — were spinning a roulette wheel that awarded two tickets to the station’s upcoming Noches Ranchera festival featuring Paquita del Barrio. The FM station proudly advertises “you’ll never know what we’ll play next.”
Mas…Area couple survives loud radio station promo van at grocery store
San Antonio, Tejas, is apparently chock full of cool artists creating cool art and organizing cool art events. PuroPinche.com shows and tells in this video about the BIG IN JAPAN ArtSlam late last month.
Did the United States government kill Tupac Shakur and Michael Jackson as part of a plot to “control African-American youth through their music?” Former Defense Department operative Robert Connors says we’ll find out Monday next week! [Note: We tried to run a copy of this video earlier today but it was removed from LiveLeak just after we published our story at 7:30 AM. Please email editor@pocho.com if you see a ‘video no longer exists’ screen before we notice it. Gracias.]
I thought it was going to be just another rainy winter day in Uruguay, another juan rides the bus, you know? We’re en route from Montevideo to Punta del Este when these “passengers” pulled out ornate steampunk-looking wooden and metal contraptions they called “instruments.” Then a viejo dressed for an earlier century gets onboard. Something about Eine Kleine Nachtmusik and Mozart, they said:
Este fue un concierto primera clase, dirigido por el Maestro Federico García Vigil, un obsequio de COT a sus pasajeros, para celebrar la inauguración de nuestra nueva flota de última generación NEOBUS N10.
But you don’t need to ride the NEOBUS N10 to love Mozart. Here’s the complete First Movement of Mozart’s A Little Night Music with a graphical score video so you can follow along:
Mas…Mozart-playing pasejeros invade Uruguay bus to Punta del Este (video)
Happy Labor Day! Sing along with the music videos that celebrate the ordinary working people who keep this country — and the world — in business: Look for the Union Label, Workin’ in a Coal Mine, Machines, This Land Is Your Land, I’m Stickin’ to the Union and Solidarity Forever.
Twitter/Vine user YoungGod was driving along and he looked to the car on his left and found a vato who knows how to party! Is this Maracas Man you, or someone you know? [With these Vine videos, you need to click on the speaker icon in the top left corner to hear the sound.]
There’s not much to this video. Ciro Hurtado plays his original composition La Negrita Tomasa on acoustic guitar as Julio Ledezma keeps the beat on the cajon. Radiant dancer April Espejo celebrates in bare feet on an empty wooden stage. No effects. No vocals. Perfectly sweet and wonderful.
ZOMG! Comic Saenz’s girlfriend Hope Sandoval is back fronting Mazzy Star in this day-old video-less video California from an upcoming (September) release Seasons of Your Day. Saenz loves her immediately-recognizable smokey voice and encourages Ms. Sandoval to please forgive him for that one time at the Dal Rae in Pico Rivera.
“We set out on an adventure on foot together with a young man to find out more about the native flora and fauna of different Latin-American landscapes,” Argentinian band Poncho writes. “On the way, this young man discovers new plants and animals and becomes one with them, and meets a sexy Mother Earth goddess (Pachamama) with whom he falls in love.”
And from the other side of the moon, comes Chilean actress and singer Celine Raymond:
Mas…Argentine band Poncho explores Mother Earth in ‘Tiki Tiki’ (video)
POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz not only draws and writes stuff but he has admitted to occasional episodes of skanking, and, yes, even moshing. In this video for the Amoeba Music chain, openly-Latino Alcaraz talks about his love for classic ska, vintage mambo and soul music.
(PNS reporting from TEXAS) Tejanos want singer Freddy Fender’s wig back.
The Música Committee of the Narciso Martinez Cultural Arts Center in San Benito last week demanded the British Museum effect “the immediate return of this important Tejano cultural item.”
The salt-and-pepper Afro-style toupee, called “Freddy’s Fro,” disappeared from the singer’s home shortly after his death in 2006 and reappeared this winter in the Museum’s “Ethnic Minorities in the United States” exhibit on a mannequin of the singer, best known for his 1970s’ hit Wasted Days and Wasted Nights.
Mas…Angry Tejanos demand British Museum return Freddy Fender’s wig
Here’s the latest from Mexican alt.rockers Café Tacvba AKA Café Tacuba. It’s all about the waves, dude. ¡Mira the waves!
Before Al Madrigal got rich and famous as POCHO’s Migrant Editor (and Senior Latino Correspondent for The Daily Show) he spent time on the road as a stand-up comedian, always trying to become a better Mexican. Here he is in 2010, as seen in 3 Non Juans. (NSFW language.)
At 7:35 AM all Marta wanted was her regular coffee and pastry at the local cafe. But this morning was different.
If you’re planning on driving National Route No. 5 in Argentina’s pampas region — especially between Santa Rosa and Catrilo — be extra careful. There are rifts in the spacetime continuum there, so-called “zonas de pérdida temporal.” Drivers may be subject to “missing time.”
That’s the warning recently issued by Agentinean Oscar “Quique” Mario, founder of the Centro de Estudios OVNI (CEUFO.)
From the Inexplicata blog:
…People driving along National Route No. 5, specifically the segment between the localities of Lonquimay and Anguil, and who may have sensed time anomalies, should please report it immediately to CEUFO, as we have received reports of three cases at different times and days within the past month.”
Mas…Argentine OVNI investigator warns of spacetime rifts on Route #5
I’m so sick of Christmas and December isn’t even a week old!
Every year it’s the same crap over and over again. I mean, I wasn’t even finished pretending not to eat Halloween candy before people started playing that Christmas music — don’t even get me started on the music! It’s like, let’s take a has-been artist and have them pump out some horrible tripe and force everyone to remember why they became irrelevant in the first place, all the while pretending like we’re enjoying the tunes.
You know, all those songs were written during a time when my grandparents weren’t even allowed to go into certain restaurants. “No Mexicans, No Dogs” is what the door signs used to say. “White Christmas” indeed!
Hey You! What Song Are You Listening To from Greg Henkel
Hey pochos — what are YOU listening to? Comments below:
Mas…Hey Buenos Aires! What song are you listening to? (video)
Dear Abuelita,
The fourth race at Hollywood Park Friday night (mares and fillies, 5 1/2 furlongs, three-year-olds and up) appears very competitive to me, but analysis indicates I should look closely at #7 La Sancha, with 117-pound jockey V. Espinoza holding the reins. Some handicappers maintain that the predicted hot weather points to #5 Onyx Be Good with jockey A. Perez at 112 pounds; the hope is the lighter load will be easier in the heated air. Any thoughts?
A horse is a horse
Dear Exacta mente,
Who do you think I am? Charles Bukowski, or worse your pinche bookie? So you like mares and fillies with 5 1/2 furlongs. I thought waxing was the “in” thing these days.
Well, seeing how you’re looking at La Sancha, it’s safe to say you like the exotic wagers. Smart move, you can kill two ponies with a two-peso quinella and come out quite the stud. Speaking of stud, what say you meet me with your winnings at the Turf Club? Remember to dress “smart casual.” I’ll be in my fancy muumuu.
Mas…Dear Abuelita: Sporting man, subway kind of love, these kids today
Everyone is waiting; time seems to have slowed down and the air is full of possibilities. As the boy walks home from school, all eyes follow. What comes next? This beautiful video, shot in L.A.’s Westlake/MacArthur Park neighborhood, celebrates the magic.
Ask Me, Don’t Tell Me (1961, 22 mins.) Adult suspicion, pompadours, cigarettes, chromed cars, pool halls, the jitterbug and pinball machines conspire to turn kids into juvenile delinquents, but earnest do-gooders can save the day! Great rock ‘n’ roll soundtrack and candid footage make late 1950s early 1960s gang life look sweet — in the days before guns and drive-bys.
The camera follows the day-to-day lives of San Francisco teenage gang members (AKA “jacket clubs”) — white, Asian, Mexican, black — and the unfriendly world they inhabit. The documentary was produced by the American Friends Service Committee, which wanted to set the kids on the right path with community service projects.
Frankie Quinones — who was unforgettable as the star of The Cholo Whisperer — returns to the YouTube screen as Carmelita, the diva on a budget. She is So Eh-Spicy. (NSFW language.)
Everything is chill when the street musician starts playing his accordian in the park — until the suave guitarist shows up. Who will win this battle of the park work stars? The musical gunfight is a toss-up, until a mysterious third man appears.
Hey! It’s a Cinco de Mayo Sabado Pochonte video shoutout to the heavy metal head banger pochos in New York City — no banda for you! Welcome to Metal Kingdom is a short documentary on an underground Pan-Latino heavy metal club in Queens, NY. Filmed, directed and produced by Denise R. Gaberman. (NSFW language, etc.)
(PNS reporting from BAJA NALGAS) The narcotraficante shoot-outs in this border town typically take 30 or 40 seconds. A discerning listener might notice — amid the screams, the pop-pop-pop of semiautomatic pistol fire and the distinctive rat-a-tat-tat of submachineguns — the jingle-jangle-jingle of spent brass cartridges hitting the street.
When the smoke clears, survivors, if any, are taken to the hospital and the dead are carted to the morgue. A city crew hoses off the blood and the police let traffic through.
And then the kids come — a pack of boys, tween scavengers. They methodically retrieve the brass shells left on the street and take them back to Guinchimes del Sud, a local manufacturer of wind chimes, where the spent 9mm pistol and AK-47 submachinegun ammunition “brass” is recycled into musical metal sculptures that get shipped to breeze buffs in America.
But as demand for wind chimes on the U.S. side of the Rio Culero improves, Guinchimes’ path to future success is blowing in the wind.
Mas…Drug cartel shoot-out recycling means big business for one border town
The minute we heard the United States Air Force had planned and carried out Operation Chimichanga, we knew there had to be more to the story. Our Pentagon sources confirmed the hunch: The inspiration for the “chimichanga” code name was the way the Tex-Mex fried-burrito-belly-busters incapacitated unwary diners every time. The brass hats’ hope was that secret teams in state-of-the-art aircraft could make the enemy moan just like fajita-fed TGIFridays customers on Cinco de Mayo.
There is more to the story — the pocho ocho secret Pentagon operations still in the planning stages:
8. Operation Don’t Drink the Water: Secret “wetback” forces from the Navy SEALS sneak into enemy territory and dose the water with “pedo-biotic” agents bioengineered to cause widespread “Montezuma’s Revenge.” This is expected to cause pandemic personal distress, lessen the enemy’s fighting capability and reduce water pressure.
7. Operation Hot Tamale: Inspired by the guetherman’s motto of “cool today, hot tamale,” stealthy airborne drones seed enemy skies with specially-formulated lard and masa pellets that trap your fat, screw your cholesterol and clot your veins.
 |
 |
Alicia Velasquez AKA “Alice Bag” — music scene pioneer in first-wave L.A. punk band The Bags — went on the road this winter to promote her autobiography Violence Girl. After a record store appearance, she answered a few questions for Punk Globe magazine.
Here’s the interview and the “trailer” for her book. Yes, books have trailers. And check out The Bags performance video and the vintage gurl-punk Cholitas footage — all below.
Mas…Punk pioneer Alice ‘Bag’ Velasquez tells all in ‘Violence Girl’ (videos)
[If you liked the video, you can now own the song. Get it on iTunes ahora! Mexican Mitt's "(I Wanna Be) The First Latino President" ]
After sweeping both Arizona and Michigan –– he says it’s because the gringos won’t do it -– a certain South-of-the-Border candidate is clearing his way to “paint the White House brown!” The affable and mariachi-like Mexi-Mormon is a tough campaigner, and says he is “in it to guin it.” Mexican Mitt Romney, the Most Mexican Man in the World, wants to be the first Latino President. This is his story — in song.
Mas…Mexclusive: Mexican Mitt Romney for President (music video)
Today marks the sad anniversary of “the day the music died,” the 1959 airplane crash that took the lives of rock stars Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens.
Valens, from the L.A. suburb of Pacoima, was born Richard Steven Valenzuela and some consider him the father of Chicano rock. Pocho Valens didn’t espeak Espanish, so he sang the lyrics to La Bamba from a phonetic cheat sheet.
Click for music videos of Chantilly Lace from the Bopper, Peggy Sue by Holly and the actual Valens La Bamba recording sessions, plus a Don McLean performance of The Day the Music Died.
Mas…Remembering Ritchie Valens, superstar pocho pride of Pacoima
During my seemingly eternal quest for love, I’ve been accused more than once of being “racist” for mostly dating Latinos.
Part of this is totally my fault and the result of my whining and chiflazón. There’s a misunderstanding about what motivates me and other people like me, who are interested primarily in dating other Latinos.
First and foremost, let me say that I have dated mostly pochos like me, but I’ve also dated Cubans, white men, and Asian men, finally coming to the conclusion that all men on this planet are idiots when they are in their 20s. Some of my complaints, which other Latinas share, include: They want to get married too soon, or they’re divorced with kids young, they’re too short, as you become more educated there are less Latinos around you, they’re scared of educated/professional women. The list goes on.