obama

Victoria Jackson: What we need is a ‘White History Month’

by

I wrote a uke song called “White Men Are Good” and sang it at a comedy club about 4 years ago. I could feel the audience tense up. Why? Why is there a Black History Month but not a White History Month? Now, that the white race is becoming a minority in America, perhaps we need to make…say, January, White History Month.

The New York Times says, “White births are no longer a majority in the United States.”

I’m just really tired of the white male, and especially the white conservative, Christian male being attacked in cartoons, movies, TV shows, politics, Affirmative Action, etc. It’s like in order to fix the “discrimination” problem, culture flipped the racism from “against blacks” to “against whites”. Why do we have to be “against” anyone? Aren’t we all equal?

Mas…Victoria Jackson: What we need is a ‘White History Month’

Heya morons! Click HERE for Obama immigration speech transcript

by

We know some of you are morons or racists or both. Different strokes, meng, different strokes. It’s cool. Here’s a transcript of the speech on immigration that Bronco Bama just delivered in Las Vegas, translated into easy-to-understand Moron. Just for you!

(APPLAUSE)

Dank you. It is good t’ be back in Las Begas.

And it is good t’ be among so many good friends. Let – let me start off by dankigg ebehybody at Del Sol High School f’ hostigg us.

(APPLAUSE)

Go Dragons. Let me especial dank your outstandigg principal, Lisa Primos (ph).

(APPLAUSE)

Dehe are all kinds of notaggle guests hehe, uh uh uh, but I dgust want t’ minion a few. Firss of all, our outstandigg secret of de Departmin of Homeland Security, Dganet Napolitano, is hehe.

Mas…Heya morons! Click HERE for Obama immigration speech transcript

Pages: 1 2 3

Pocho Ocho zingers dropped from Obama’s Inaugural Address

by

That was quite a speech, eh? President Bronco Bama rocked the Inaugural Address. Of course, what he didn’t say is as important as what he did.

Here are the pocho ocho zingers dropped from the final espeech:

8. I want to reach across the aisle to our Republican friends and propose the No Mullet Left Behind Act of 2013

7. This is the year we must win the War on Uggs

6. You and I as citizens agree: Everything is better with bacon

Mas…Pocho Ocho zingers dropped from Obama’s Inaugural Address

Ñewsweek: DREAMers dream, Arpaio hates, Hugo Chavez lives

by

Hey, pochos, it’s 2013 and it looks like we’re in for more of the same old same old from our regular cast of characters!

Thrill as  Sheriff Joe Arpaio returns in a Brand New Hate-Fest for the New Year!

Hold on to your seats as Still-Not-Dead-Yet Commie Super-Hero Hugo Chavez returns to reprise two of his greatest hits!

Smirk and snicker as CNN talking head Ruben Navarrette, Jr., who graduated from Harvard in case you didn’t know, tells those lazy DREAMers to sit up straight and quit talking or HE’S GOING TO STOP THE CAR and come back there.  Dr. Rudy Acuña sets him straight.

These were the stories that broke the ñews on POCHO in the first week of 2013:

Mas…Ñewsweek: DREAMers dream, Arpaio hates, Hugo Chavez lives

Before capitalism cancer kills Hugo Chavez, a look back

by

Before capitalism cancer kills commie commissar Hugo Chavez and it would be TOO SOON to mock him, here’s a look back at POCHO’s coverage of the Venezuelan jefe:

  • Victorious Hugo Chavez to Americans: ‘Back my socialist amigo Obama’

(PNS reporting from CARACAS) Hugo Chavez — re-elected to a third six-year term as president of Venezuela — has again called on Americans to re-elect Pres. Barack Obama.

In a four-hour televised speech to his nation late Sunday, Chavez called Obama the best hope for Socialism in the Western Hemisphere. The left-wing strong man had previously endorsed the President in September.

“El Obama deserves your support, gringos,” he said in a rare foray into English. “He may not admit to being a Marxist-Leninist but inside he is as red as your Danny Glover and Oliver Estone.” [Continued here…]

Mas…Before capitalism cancer kills Hugo Chavez, a look back

Obama, Pelosi hook up to urge ‘Fiscal Clit’ stimulus

by

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) With the “fiscal cliff” crisis over, congressional Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi is joining the Obama Administration’s push for a Fiscal Clit stimulus.

“President Obama has been working every angle to deliver a really generous package that will provide the kind of stimulus America needs,” Pelosi told reporters after Tuesday night’s historic House vote. “The Fiscal Clit will provide a release for tense Americans everywhere, especially for women.  This has been a long and hard process, and we’re glad to see it will have a happy ending.”

Republicans were quick to renounce Pelosi’s assertions.

“There is no such thing as a Fiscal Clit,” said GOP pundit Dick Chiquito on Fox News. “No one I spoke to in the Republican Party has ever encountered a Fiscal Clit, and we’ve checked binders full of women over the last 40 years.”

Mas…Obama, Pelosi hook up to urge ‘Fiscal Clit’ stimulus

Ñewsweek: The Chicano handshake, RATM, Bimbo ♥ Twinkie?

by

Make friends and influence people with a Chicano handshake?

That’s right, pochas y pochos, you too can reinforce your raza credibility with a puro handshake, as Subcommandanta del News Sara Inés Calderón demonstrates in her viral video. She illustrates the proper form for handshakes in Califas and Tejas plus throws in a variation that answers the musical question Why Can’t We Be Friends?

On the music front, Pocho Ñews Service Floridita Burro Jefe Santino J. Rivera takes a look at the contradiction between Rage Against the Machine’s message and some clueless fans’ love of the band. Hint: VP wannabe Paul Ryan isn’t the only doofus.

On the international business news beat, Subcommandante del Cultura Victor Payan blows the lid off the Republican effort to thwart the sale of bankrupt Hostess to Mexico’s Bimbo.  Revelations from the TwinkieLeaks website include this money quote from GOP guru Karl Rove: “They can have my DingDong when they pry it from my cold, dead hand.”

And New Jack City Burro Jefe Elise Roedenbeck illuminates the softer side of South America with the sad tale of a Peruvian girl and her llama —  a lament for lost youth, innocence and a little girl’s dreams.

These are top stories that broke the ñews on POCHO this week:

Mas…Ñewsweek: The Chicano handshake, RATM, Bimbo ♥ Twinkie?

Pocho Ocho ‘gifts’ Democrats gave Latinos to vote for Obama

by

Loser and liar Willard “Mitt” Romney finally got something correct! The overwhelming Latino margin for President Bronco Bama was entirely due to “gifts” the Democrats used as bribes. Here are the top eight:

8. Taco Tuesdays covered by Obamacare
7. Rick Bayless gets full-time gig with Food and Drug Administration (Drug Division)
6. New “path to citizenship:” SuperLotto

Mas…Pocho Ocho ‘gifts’ Democrats gave Latinos to vote for Obama

Florida secedes from the union, no one seems to care very much

by

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) In a shocking post-election development, the state formerly known as Florida will no longer be a part of the United States of America. After gaining the required 25,000 petition signatures needed to elicit a response from the White House, Florida has been granted permission to secede from the U.S.

When asked why he was so swift to let the Sunshine State go, President Bronco Bama was concise:

Because fuck Florida.

As the dust settled in the wake of the President’s decisive re-election, the White House “We the People” website has been flooded by a series of secession requests from conservative crybabies from New Jersey to Oregon.

Mas…Florida secedes from the union, no one seems to care very much

Contagious Latinophilia hits U.S.; Boehner, Hannity, Arpaio infected

by

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Public health officials are concerned about contagious Latinophilia that has spread with breathtaking speed across America since Bronco Bama’s reelection last week.

Former anti-Latino pundits and politicians who for years went out of their way to make life miserable for Latinos are now succumbing to what scientists believe may be a viral condition.

“Almost immediately after the election — which may have been decided by the massive Latino vote — reports began flooding our offices,” Robert McLean, Director of Public Health Outbreaks at the Centers for Disease Control in Washington, D.C. said this morning at a press conference.

“All across the nation an increasing number of white men have expressed a new need to reach out to Latinos,” he said.

Mas…Contagious Latinophilia hits U.S.; Boehner, Hannity, Arpaio infected

Ñewsweek: Bronco Bama reelected, @MexicanMitt Romney concedes

by

President Bronco Bama was reelected this week despite the valiant campaign mounted by Juan Percenter @MexicanMitt Romney; the Mexi-Mormon challenger released a last-minute campaign espeech and animated music video which were very popular on POCHO but apparently didn’t help in Ohio, Florida and Pennsylvania.

POCHO’s ñews-breaking coverage included toons by Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz, election recaps and a look at what’s up next for the former first lady in waiting Ann Romney.

Cable TV star Don Cheto make a video Gangnam Style and a huge OVNI/UFO was filmed flying down into Mexico’s Popocatapetl volcano.

The links are here:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Bronco Bama reelected, @MexicanMitt Romney concedes

Mexican Mitt’s Last Espeech: I’m in it to guin it, by any beans necessary

by

MY FINAL ESPEECH TO THE NATION BEFORE I RULE OVER IT

AJUA!

Viejas and Gentlemen, voters, suppressed voters, this is my final espeech to you before I win the election tomorrow for the Presidency of the United Estates. This is the most important Presidential election of your lifetime, if you were born this year.

I know, you are RELIEVED that this long national nightmare will be finally over. I, too, am sick of the ads, the constant campaigning, having to look at my running mate what’s-his-face, but especially I am sick of Bronco Bamma.

But enough about Black Reagan. Or the country. You all want to know how this affects ME, Mexican Mitt Romney. Campaigning is hard. It’s almost like a yob, which I have not held in a long time. Despite waking up in various strange hotels with Mormon wood every day, I still miss my 14 RANCHOS. (For the language-impaired, “rancho” is Spanish for “polygamous Mormon compound.”)

Mas…Mexican Mitt’s Last Espeech: I’m in it to guin it, by any beans necessary

Ñewsweek: Halloween, Day of the Dead, Chavo del Ocho Style

by

Ghosts and skeletons and ghouls that go bump in the night?

It was a spooky ñewsweek at POCHO — the most popular entries on the site were not the newsiest.

Pochos liked this week’s entries about Halloween, Chavo del Ocho Gangnam Style, The Simpsons‘ Mr. Burns’ endorsement of Gov. Mitt Romney  and Lalo Alcaraz’s Sandy toon.

Los links:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Halloween, Day of the Dead, Chavo del Ocho Style

+ Load More Posts