Former Freaker of the House Newt Gingrich’s campaign for the Republican presidential nomination is over. POCHO laments the loss of this serial adulterer and nominee wannabe, as his ignorant, racist douchebaggery provided us with lots of ñews, including this Spanish-language campaign commercial with realistic English subtitles.
And there’s more below:
(PNS reporting from CARTAGENA) Top officials of Colombia’s Ministry of Tourism are high on happiness after the weekend recall of U.S. Secret Service officers caught in a prostitution scandal.
“Hookers? We love it,” Assistant Minister Rogerio Flauta said Monday. “It shows the world we have more to offer than drugs, guns and murder. Sex is always good for business! And hookers good enough for U.S. Federales? Can you say ‘organic search results?’ I knew that you could.”
“This is all new to us, and we need help.” he told reporters. “After careful consideration, we’re reaching out to Thailand, which artfully managed its transition from the home of high-potency marijuana “Thai sticks” to the top Asian destination for underage sex tourism. We’ve got a lot to learn.”
Mas…Colombia hails Secret Service bust: We’re not just for drogas anymore!
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) It’s the commercial the Mexican Mitt Romney campaign didn’t want you to see — an explosive TV endorsement by anti-immigrant Sheriff Paul Babeu calling for the erection of a GAYDAR border fence.
The six-figure TV buy on local stations was cancelled over the weekend after Babeu faced hard questions about how exactly he meant to “get to the bottom” of the Mexican immigrant situation.
Anti-Immigrant Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu has resigned as Mitt Romney’s Arizona GOP Primary Campaign Co-Chair. Sheriff Babeu is facing explosive allegations that he tried to intimidate a former Mexican immigrant lover with deportation threats. Especial Guest Columnist Mexican Mitt Romney offers his Opinión:
Sheriff Babeu has stepped down from his volunteer position with the campaign so he can spend more time fighting with his gay mojado boyfriend.
I am so sad that Sheriff Babeu had to geu.
But he has a bigger fight on his hands than getting me elected President of the United Estates. Babeu is going to focus more on wrestling the problem of illegal immigration to the ground.
Sheriff Babeu is right when he says America’s head is buried in a pillow over immigration. Sheriff Babeu has always said he wants to get ahead of the mojados, and inside the illegals. Inside their minds! Ajua!
Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney: ‘Sheriff Paul Babeau’s GAYDAR got to the bottom of the illegal problem’
(PNS reporting from VATICAN CITY) Los Angeles Roman Catholic Auxiliary Bishop Gabino Zavala shocked the Southern California faithful late last year when he resigned after revelations of a long-standing romantic relationship and two children. He left his farewell to God’s Holy Church via voicemail, according to transcripts of his phone calls to Archbishop Jose Gomez just furnished to PNS by ex-News of the World tech staffers. The transcript:
(BEEP)
Your Eminence...it's Gabe. I know we're busy with the Holy Days and all but I really needed to give you a heads-up on a couple of things. Since you came to the Archdiocese and with you an Opus Dei guy and me a Pax Christi guy...it's been a little bit like Chivas vs America (chuckles)...but anyway I guess you being ultra-conservative and me being more Christ-like...sorry I mean liberal...isn't really why I'm calling. Listen a couple of things have come up. You remember I was telling you about that the woman I met at the Interfaith Worker Justice convention back in '99...the one in Vegas that
Mas...Catholic bishop voicemail transcript: I have a chica and two kids, Your Eminence – I resign