selena

Pocho Ocho best ways to tell if someone is a member of ‘LA RAZA’

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curiel-trumpcardcarryingYou know that “Mexican Judge,” Gonzalo P. Curiel? He can’t be impartial in the Trump University fraud case because he’s a member of that militant Mexican cabal known as LA RAZA.

And he’s not the only one! After all, you can’t have a conspiracy with only one conspirator, amirite?

There might even be card-carrying members of LA RAZA in your neighborhood, at your job, talking about you in Spanish at the next table over, or ohmygod in your kids’ schools!

Be aware and be prepared, America.

Here are the Pocho Ocho Best Ways to Tell if Someone Is A Member Of LA RAZA:

8. Nopal en la frente

7. MEChA meeting

6. No era penal

Mas…Pocho Ocho best ways to tell if someone is a member of ‘LA RAZA’

Dancing with Selena, memories of childhood, and pepperoni pizza

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Three hours into Selena night at the Regent in downtown Los Angeles, Bidi Bidi Bom Bom starts playing.

I feel this deep, animal sense of belonging.

This is my song and I need to be on stage. I claw my way up to the stage and slip in a puddle of what is maybe human sweat.

The hands of my fellow Selena enthusiasts pull me up.

We do what we came here to do: we dance.

Mas…Dancing with Selena, memories of childhood, and pepperoni pizza

How gringas, gringos, gabachas y gabachos can pass as poch@s

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olmosmemeIf there’s one thing I’m pretty experienced at, it’s navigating between Gringolandia and Mi Raza.

“Osea,” being pocho.

As the racial landscape of our country darkens, for the better, and Latinos become the majority, proving your pocho-ness will become a valuable skill for all gringos, whether Trump likes it or not.

Follow these three simple steps next time you need to pass as pocho.

Studies have shown the more pocho you are, the easier it is to get into law school, get that promotion or land that Hollywood role of a lifetime.

Mas…How gringas, gringos, gabachas y gabachos can pass as poch@s

Man disappointed with ‘What Selena Character are You?’ quiz result

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Yolanda Corpus 2(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) During his morning coffee break, local accountant, Lawrence “Lencho” Flores, completed a survey that appeared on his Facebook timeline called, What Selena Character are You? According to sources, Flores was deeply disappointed with the result of Yolanda Saldivar as his character.

According to the quiz, Flores is Yolanda Saldivar who “when you feel slighted, watch out!”

Mas…Man disappointed with ‘What Selena Character are You?’ quiz result

Will Selena’s comeback tour feature a holographic JLo?

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holoselena(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Selena’s old band is hitting the road this summer with a holographic version of the murdered superstar and Jennifer Lopez wants the part.

JLo played Selena Quintanilla-Pérez in a 1997 biopic about the singer.

“We tried to tell her a hologram was not an actual person and that playing a hologram was not the same thing as being in a movie, but she didn’t seem to understand,” band manager Beto Salinas told PNS.

Lopez called band members directly and begged for the role.

Mas…Will Selena’s comeback tour feature a holographic JLo?