side effect

Pochas y pochos, beware! Aqua Net hairspray may cause mutations

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(PNS reporting from NEW NEW YORK CITY) Attention, pochas y pochos! Interstellar starship captain and Mutants’ Rights advocate Turanga Leela is warning of serious side-effects from a popularly-priced hair care product you may be using at this very moment.

Leela thinks her late mother Munda’s use of Aqua Net hairspray is the reason she’s a loveless mutant with only one eye, and says the ingredient cyclopentasiloxane is the culprit.

“I mean the name STARTS with cyclop, how did people miss that?” she asked a press conference in New New York City Sunday (photo, above.)

Aqua Net hairspray is a must-carry purse item for every well-prepared pocha, according to a recent survey, and is used as a “bug spray, deodorant and a…substitute for glue.”

Mas…Pochas y pochos, beware! Aqua Net hairspray may cause mutations

Doctors discover natural, instant antidote for unwanted erections

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(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Doctors here have discovered an all-natural, fast-acting antidote to unwanted, persistent erections caused by Viagra.

The “erectile dysfunction” drug when taken in excess (and sometimes when taken normally) can cause serious cardiovascular and nerve damage, just like the familiar warnings say.

“We sort of made the discovery by accident when one of our study participants shared his home remedy for overcoming the powerful effects of Viagra,” Dr. Phillip Werner of the University of Texas Health Science Center told a press conference Monday:

The truth is that, often, as physicians we all too often turn to drugs to counteract other drugs when the answer is staring us in the face — literally.

Mas…Doctors discover natural, instant antidote for unwanted erections