trump tower

I went to Trump Tower, the Belly of the Beast (videos, photos)

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Hi. It’s me, Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz.

I just capped a week of touring the East Coast speaking at Harvard University’s Beyond Tomorrow arts conference and a presentation at LatinoJustice PRDLEF (the legal nonprofit where Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor once defended Boricua rights) with a visit to The Eastern White House, Trump Tower.

I was joined by my NYC sherpa, Jeronimo  Saldaña, creator of the MAKE MEXICO GREAT AGAIN hats, when we foolish ventured into the Golden Toilet that is Donald Trump’s supervillain lair.

Outside, we encountered heavy security, including barricades, NYPD wagons and four or more combat-armed Secret Service agents as doormen, and many more inside. After going through metal and bomb detector security, the guard told me, “This is the Secret Service. We don’t mess around.”

Mas…I went to Trump Tower, the Belly of the Beast (videos, photos)

Dear President Donald Trump: Confessions of an Anchor Baby

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cucaanchorbabyhistoryJanuary 20, 2017

Dear President Donald Trump:

Now that you’ve become our new emperor, I mean, the 45th President of the United States, I have a confession: I’m an “anchor baby.” Given that you represent the best white hope to “Make America Great Again!” I’m confessing in exchange to be pardoned for my birthright citizenship crime.

Honestly, I didn’t know that being born to Mexican immigrants on work visas violated the law or that pesky little thing called the 14th Amendment of the Constitution. If I would’ve known of your novel interpretation of our Constitution, I mean your Constitution, I would’ve pleaded in my mother’s womb to be aborted.

Oh, I forgot, Republicans don’t believe in abortions. Does the GOP make exceptions for brown fetuses?

Mas…Dear President Donald Trump: Confessions of an Anchor Baby