Relationships are hard, even for smart people, and especially around Valentine’s Day, am I right? Can idiots like us get lucky in love? What if we’re dealing with smart people? Can an internet video offer the answer we’ve been looking for? Can we put another question into this paragraph? [If the words boner and/or vagina are NSFW, don’t play this video too loudly or freshen up your resume.]
PREVIOUSLY ON THE IDIOT’S GUIDE:
Mas…The Idiot’s Guide to Smart People: ‘Sex & Relationships’ (video)
A card? Balloons? Flowers? What exactly do you need to hook up with a hot hyna for Valentine’s Day, cholo style? [NSFW adult humor.]
PREVIOUSLY ON CHOLOS AND HYNAS:
Mas…How to get a V-Day hyna hookup — cholo style (NSFW video)
It’s Valentine’s Day with Elise Roedenbeck (AKA @Buttronica on the Twitter) in this 2013 episode of Mija Weekly! Fall in love all over again with drones, skimpy outfits, GOP immigrant-haters and learn the true meaning of Valentine’s Day. And, says Elise, try not to go into a diabetic coma.
Where is Elise now, you ask?
Mas…Classic Elise @Buttronica Roedenbeck: ‘Mija Weekly Valentine’ (video)
Loving you…is easy ’cause you’re beautiful, as this “super-cut” of creepy movie kisses shows. La la la la la la la.
Love is in the air for Valentine’s Day, along with cries for immigration reform, economic fairness and equal justice.
Is there a way for the politically active pocha or pocho to get lucky AND make the world a better place?
Yes, there is! Check out our list of the Pocho Ocho top activist pickup lines you can use this Valentine’s Day:
8. What do we want? A quiet romantic dinner for two! When do we want it? Friday night — what do you think — 8-ish?
7. What’s a nice girl like you doing in a MEChA like this?
6. Is that a GMO-free organic sustainably-raised earth-friendly heirloom local family farm non-corporate elote in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Mas…Pocho Ocho top activist pickup lines for Valentine’s Day
“If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with” may be good advice, but can there be too much of a good thing? Happy Valentime’s Day to all the lovers!
Little love scamp Latino Cupid presents his special Valentine’s Day cards for tough times. As they say around here, Happy Valentimes Day!
Hola. Is Tia Lencha here. Happy Valemtines Day!
I haf the perfect parry idea. What is red and espicy and uses a blindfold? Get jur mind out of the basura (thas trash for you pochos.) Is the Valentimes Hot Sauce Taste Test. This is one test that is fun to estudy for!
What is it? Ju put numbers on little paper cups and then little bit of each of jur favorite hot sauces in the little paper cups. Ju can use Tapatio, Cholula, Bufalo, Red Rooster, what ever ju like. Then ju put a handkerchief to cover someone’s eyes and they taste. They try to guess which hot sauce is in each little cup. Fun, no?
Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Valentine’s Day Hot Salsa Blind Tasting Test
Sara Inés Calderón — POCHO’s Subcommandanta del Ñews and @SaraChicaD on the Tuiter — is facing Valentine’s Day without a boyfriend, a novio. Her grandmother recommends a statue of St. Anthony, the marriage saint; with San Antonio, according to her abuela, she won’t miss the love train.
Haters need love, too, but where can haters go to fill the holes in their heart? Happy Valentine’s Day from Westboro Mingle, where haters can become daters. No Jews. No Mexicans. No blacks. No gays. No Jamaicans!
Mas…It’s V-Day at Westboro Mingle, where haters become daters (video)
8. Candy Bra: Lets face it, dude, the gift wasn’t really for your girl — it was for your own enjoyment. If eating chalky conversation hearts is what turns you on, you might as well just give her one. Plus, you could have thrown it on her body when she was naked. Now you just wasted $14.95 instead of Brachs conversation hearts which are 99 cents.
7. Humidifer: Don’t buy shit just because it’s on sale, unless he or she has severe allergies. Do not let yourself look like a mouth breather.
6. Electric Blanket: I know, I know, I actually got this as a gift on Valentine’s Day. He explained that because he had a Jeep I should take it along when we go out. Shortly after the relationship ended, the blanket ended as well when my niece spilled her Dora the Explorer juice box all over it.
YouTuber Brenda Dziedzic describes her video:
…Valentine celebration at the cathedral in the colonial town of Morelia, Michoacán, Mexico. In Morelia, Valentine’s Day is a really big holiday. Everyone and all the businesses celebrate.
I’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha.
Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day.
M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his daddy are divorce because his daddy like to stick his weenie ebrywhere.
M’ijo usually checks my espelling but oh gwell. Since I have a little gwhile, I give you the recipe for Aphrodisiac Salsa.
Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Delicious aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day salsa
It’s Valentine’s Day on Mija Weekly! Fall in love with drones, skimpy outfits, and learn the true meaning of Valentine’s Day. Try not to go into a diabetic coma.
Mas…Ñewsweek: Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘Mija Weekly’ 02.11.13 (video)
There’s a fine line between truth and satire, a twisty maze of passageways, all alike. POCHO was doing that line dance all week with these stories:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Lalo the valet, the gay GOP sheriff, fishsticks and boobs
That little love scamp Latino Cupid presents his special Valentine’s Day cards for tough times. As they say around here, Happy Valentimes Day! Catch more of Latino Cupid’s escapades around this time every year at La Cucaracha, the nationally-syndicated comic strip by me, Pocho’s Jefe-In-Chief Lalo Alcaraz. Sign up for free La Cucaracha comics daily at GoComics.
I’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha. Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day.
M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his daddy are divorce because his daddy like to stick his weene ebrywhere.
M’ijo usually checks my espelling but oh gwell. Since I have a little gwhile, I give you the recipe for Aphrodisiac Salsa.
