Schwarzeneggar ‘Total Retard’ bio takes hard look and bares all

Former California Gübernator and bodybuilding icon Arnold Schwarzeneggar’s new autobiography Total Retard paints a scandalous picture of a life dominated by men, sweat, steroids, cigars and the desperate need to womanize and destroy the California economy.

Reading like a review of an action film in which the main character blows up everything in his path, the biography provides a rare glimpse of how a man who spent the first 30 years of his life in bikini briefs and body oil could become governor of the most powerful state in the Union.

“It is important to know which muscle to flex, when to flex it and who to flex it to,” writes the action movie star.

Schwarzeneggar spends a fair amount of time writing about hard lessons he learned from other fame-hungry bodybuilders and how that was the best preparation for success in Hollywood and politics.

He also talks about the opportunities he had as an immigrant to America.

“America is the land of opportunity for immigrants.” writes Schwarzeneggar,” but it helps if you are a rich, white man from Austria.”

Mas…Schwarzeneggar ‘Total Retard’ bio takes hard look and bares all

Catholic bishop voicemail transcript: I have a chica and two kids, Your Eminence – I resign

Gabino Zavala (photo by Archdiocese of Los Angeles)

(PNS reporting from VATICAN CITY) Los Angeles Roman Catholic Auxiliary Bishop Gabino Zavala shocked the Southern California faithful late last year when he resigned after revelations of a long-standing romantic relationship and two children. He left his farewell to God’s Holy Church via voicemail, according to transcripts of his phone calls to Archbishop Jose Gomez just furnished to PNS by ex-News of the World tech staffers. The transcript:

(BEEP)

Your Eminence...it's Gabe.  I know we're busy with the Holy Days and all but I really needed to give you a heads-up on a couple of things. Since you came to the Archdiocese and with you an Opus Dei guy and me a Pax Christi guy...it's been a little bit like Chivas vs America (chuckles)...but anyway I guess you being ultra-conservative and me being more Christ-like...sorry I mean liberal...isn't really why I'm calling.  Listen a couple of things have come up.  You remember I was telling you about that the woman I met at the Interfaith Worker Justice convention back in '99...the one in Vegas that

Mas...Catholic bishop voicemail transcript: I have a chica and two kids, Your Eminence – I resign