8. Wear more slimming clothes
7. Get a new job to supplement income from five other jobs
6. Take a vacation at one of those nice FEMA camps
5. Quit drinking alcohol that doesn’t get me fucked up really fast
4. Reduce financial stress by picking up a hobby, like bank robbing, or writing a hit song
3. Start eating my 10-year supply of freeze-dried survival food
2. “Party Like It’s 2012”
And my top New Year’s Resolution for 2012:
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What are your New Year’s resolutions? Post them here!