(PNS reporting from DIXIE) Though the competition was stiffer than Ronald Reagan’s corpse, retired MLB douchebag and Twitter hack Jose Canseco has been declared the Worst Mexican of All Time by ex-professional wrestler The Iron Sheik.
Canseco has the “raisin balls” and is an embarrassment to all of Mexico, The Sheik told PNS.
The contest was too close to call by many Mexperts but after the votes were tallied, Canseco won the prestigious title hands down, beating out Geraldo Rivera, Tito Santana, Raffi Torres, Mel Gibson, O.J. Simpson and Mario Lopez.
When notified he did not win, Geraldo responded by weeping on Fox and Friends, remarking that he felt “manually raped” by the results.
The Iron Sheik, a man of choice words, has long had a feud with Canseco and says he is “a piece of shit.” Sheik told PNS says that given the chance, he would love to break Canseco’s back and “humble” him.
“I will suplex Canseco! Put him in the Camel Clutch, break his back, fuck his ass, and make him humble, old country way!” Shiek said.
According to Urban Dictionary, the broken back allows for easier penetration and the recipient of a humbling is often “worse than Hulk Hogan.”
“If you vote for the Jose Canseco you also vote for him to be biggest cocksucker, no good motherfucker Mexican in world. Jose Canseco have smaller dick than grasshopper and he worse Mexican than the Mel Gibson or O.J. Simpson,” Sheik said via his Twitter account.
Canseco, the definitive Mexi-CAN’T, is no stranger to being the worst at anything. He replied to the Sheik’s declaration with a Twitter threat.
“Be careful old man, I won’t take it easy on you like I have everyone else,” Canseco said.
The award ceremony for Worst Mexican of All-Time will be held at The Iron Sheik’s wrestling school in Fayetteville, GA on June 2. Sheik hopes to crown Canseco personally with a sombrero made of dog shit before beating him to a bloody pulp and then humbling him on live PPV. Sheik said he also hopes to award runner-up trophies to Lopez, Gibson, Torres, Santana, Rivera and Simpson (assuming he can get him extradited for the ceremony.)
Canseco had “no comment” when asked if he will attend the ceremony.
We’re not sure if WWE’s Vince McMahon reads POCHO but if he does, Sheik vs Canseco would be an epic match.
S. J. Rivera remembers when wrasslin’ was fun and is an Indie Publisher/Author @ Broken Sword Publications
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